Marriage vs Panic Attacks

[Kalita]

My marriage is being destroyed by my panic attacks. What do I do?!
It's my fault. I know that. I can't control my panic attacks and now my husband would rather keep things from me than to tell me and see me panic. What do I do? Are my family better off without me? I love my son so much it hurts. His dad could give him a happy, panic free life if I weren't in the picture. Maybe they both could find a wife and mother who would make them both so much more happier. Do I let them go? Let them have this happiness. I can't do it anymore. Life. I can't. I can't control my emotions. I can't control my reactions. I just need to disappear. :'(

[samb1155]

You can! The panic is telling you, you can't you need to tell it you can.

Why stop yourself from having a potentially happy and panic free life to a panic filled life. I've realised my panic is a battle and a hard one but I'm hell bent on beating it and keeping it beat.

Things can get better if you let it and ask for it... That's one thing I've learnt... The power of attraction is a powerful thing if you believe.. (It's helped me come a long-way in 2 months


I really do hope things do get better but to get better I think we need to fight rather then lay down and let it defeat us.

[samb1155]

Also don't blame yourself it's your emotions not you intentionally causing this! Your husband and son need/want you not a replacement!

I did a lot a research on panic attacks such as what causes them, and it's made me feel more in control, I try something new to tame them when I'm in one and see what works... Most of all when I have one I simply tell myself 'this is just a panic attack it'll be over soon' it surprising how helpful that is

[Bloss3]

Your family would NOT be better off without you they love you and you love them.... My husband says even with my anxiety the best thing he ever did was marry me he wouldn't be happy without me in his life... Try to stay strong your not alone

[Kalita]

But I am tired. So tired of fighting. I've had panic attacks for nearly ten years. For ten years I've put my husband through hell. I don't know what to do anymore.

[Kalita]

Bloss3. I wish my husband would say that to me. But all he's saying to me lately is how I make him feel like a leper. For two years he's been having recurring boils from MRSA. The Dr is trying to treat it. But I have serious panic every time he gets a boil! I'm scared of them now. So when he has one, I freak. And I get mad at him because I feel like I'm the only one worrying about them. But he says now that I'm making him feel bad!! That's why I think if I wasn't around, there would be no reason for him to feel bad.

[samb1155]

Have you had any talking therapies for this fear?

[Kalita]

I swear I am the worst wife and mother in the world!!!! :'(

[Kalita]

Yes. I've had therapy. I see my counselor regularly. I've done cognitive behavioral therapy. I'm taking my medication.

[samb1155]

Kalita you are not trust me!!! Putting yourself down keeps you in this cycle!

We all have certain fears with our loved ones! It's natural especially if it it affects their health, doesn't make you a bad wife or mother so please don't think you are, but I think talking to someone about it even it it is his doctor it may reduce some of the fear you are feeling

[Bloss3]

It's hard to try to stay positive when things look bad. But there is light at the end I think we all need to believe that i know i need too...

[Bloss3]

Your not a bad mother or wife the fact that your worried about your husband and son proves your a wonderful mum.

[samb1155]

Bloss3 I couldn't say it better myself

[Kalita]

But I am SO worried and so panicky that I am pushing him away! He's telling me that I'm the one that worries too much. That I make him feel like he's at fault. I get mad when he hasn't finished his antibiotics. I've talked to his Dr. Nothing. Nothing!!!! It's always I I I I! I am causing this all! All because I have a panic disorder! I'm pushing him away! I'm killing this relationship! And it's MY fault!

[Kalita]

And now I'm sure he feels like I'm blaming him for stuff happening to me. I got what the Dr's tell me is a spider bite. It bit over a month ago. The finger it bit got so bad that it became a hole. Seriously, a deep hole. And I knew, even thought the Dr's were packing it, bandaging it, treating it, I KNEW that I would get the MRSA in my finger. And yep, I did! Now I'm on tablets to kill off the MRSA. I don't know if the medicine will work. Or whether I'll end up just like my husband with recurring MRSA boils or abscess'. That's freaking me out. And I suppose is making my husband feel like I'm blaming him for it all.

[Kalita]

I don't know anymore. All I know is that I was having a great day with my son. Everything was fine. I was starting to feel like I had my panic attacks controlled. That I could deal with everything. Then, husband comes home. I find out he has another boil. I know he has missed his antibiotic. I flip out. I cry. I panic. He yells at me. Tells me he's not going to tell me anything from now on. I just cry more. Panic more. I got into the car and just drove. Now, it's 11pm and I am sitting in the car, in the mountains, wondering where the hell I go from here!!

[Bloss3]

You go home he will be worried about you.
Unless you have panic attacks I don't think you can truly know what it's like sounds like he's not sure what to do or how to help have you seen your counsellor together

[Kalita]

If he was so worried about me he would have tried to call. If I go home, it will be the same as the past. I get home, he's asleep without a care or worry in the world. He sleeps, gets up in the morning, goes to work. I on the other hand, go home, lay in my bed, cry, worry, get worked up, get up and still know that he's mad at me but is at work, stress free, away from a wife that upsets him so much.

[Bloss3]

Try going home and sitting in your sons room looking at him should calm you

[Kalita]

My son's room is my room. He won't sleep on his own. He's three years old. I tried to get him to sleep in his room, but he doesn't like to sleep alone. So he sleeps with me now and the husband sleeps in the spare room.

[Bloss3]

Just be with your son he's good for you and you are the best thing for him

[sweetypie]

I know how you feel. I've struggled with anxiety my entire life, so for me, it's been 27 years of suffering and I get SO tired of it. I have never been normal. I've had agoraphobia, GAD, panic disorder, OCD, pretty much everything you can have anxiety and depression wise.

I live with my fiance and he's scared to talk to me about certain subjects, which worries me. I feel like a horrible person whenever I panic and lately, I keep panicking about our relaitonship.

I feel like the more you tell anxiety that you hate it, the more hysterical you get, if that makes sense. You give it more power. You hate it because you feel it controls you and is ruining your life.

The times when my anxiety is less bad or almost gone are when I have been more accepting of it, which is a really hard thing to do. I mean, you have to fight it and face it every day, we all do, but the more obsessed you get with controlling it now, the more obsessed you get with thinking it's ruining everything, and that you CAN'T feel anxiety or your whole life is destroyed . . . . the more you feed it. The more you get scared of being scared and therefore trigger an attack.

I'm in the midst of hysteria in my life constantly right now, too. I'm crying every single night, but I was good for awhile and I remember it was partly because I was so accepting of everything.

My therapist told me recently to stop thinking of myself as defective, which I have been doing my entire life. I don't want to believe that I am an anxious person. I want to believe I'm a person who happens to have anxiety, but maybe that will change someday. That it doesn't define who I am. That I am not a freak that no one should ever have to put up with.

[sweetypie]

I don't know anymore. All I know is that I was having a great day with my son. Everything was fine. I was starting to feel like I had my panic attacks controlled. That I could deal with everything. Then, husband comes home. I find out he has another boil. I know he has missed his antibiotic. I flip out. I cry. I panic. He yells at me. Tells me he's not going to tell me anything from now on. I just cry more. Panic more. I got into the car and just drove. Now, it's 11pm and I am sitting in the car, in the mountains, wondering where the hell I go from here!!

It seems like the panic attacks always happen when you think everything is okay again. >_< I hate that!