How do you keep believing?

[Thinkitso]

How do you keep believing that one day you'll get better? That if you just find "your" therapist, and research enough techniques, that you'll be able to solve your problems and this won't last forever? How do you not lose that hope after 5 therapist, 3 books, a solid year of failure after failure, that one day you might just be okey? Because I'm starting to think the only crazy belief I have is that I could ever be calm.

[newzie]

Here's the way I see it and I could be wrong.

The meds, the counselors, the books, all that stuff just gives you the tools to deal with your issues, true healing comes from within, however corny that may sounds. You have to take those tools and use them to find out what can help you heal. For some people that is being on meds for a long time or the rest of their lives and that is perfectly fine. For others the meds dull the symptoms enough to help them get to a point where they can find their coping mechanisms/cure and others use the tools the therapists or books gave them to break through.

Why do I think i can get better?

Over 3.5 years ago I suffered a very bad anxiety/depression episode. I was beaten down, depressed, layed in bed thinking it was the end and I would never get better again. But I got better and found what I needed to do to keep myself anxiety free for over 3 full years. That is 3 years of no irrational worry, no depression. Nothing got to me, I was high on life and had no inhibitions.

Why I am back in another episode is that I got lazy, I stopped doing the things that I knew helped me cope with stress and thought I was immune to high levels of stress; no surprise here, no one is. And I fell back. I took a step backwards

I have many days I feel defeated, that I feel I won't ever get back to how I was, but I have seen people suffer much more than I and come back a new person; if they can do it, why can't I?

Shoot, tomorrow I can wake up and feel the worst I have ever felt in my life, but what are my options? Give up and give in? I can't and neither can you. Life is worth too much to give up after a month, a year or even a decade of struggling.

Nothing in life worth having is easy to get and that include happiness.

[tailspin]

^^^^ Great post, newzie!

Thinkitso, I agree it's hard not to feel hopeless sometimes and I'm sorry you're having those feelings. I think newzie's response is great and right on. We definitely need to be proactive about our treatment and seek out medication and/or therapy and any other tools that can help us. And then, once we have some tools in our tool chest, the next part is up to us. We need to use those tools and make some changes in our behavior and attitude. And then, keep on using the tools!! Over and over again!

This is definitely something I struggle with. I tend to keep searching and hoping for some new external solution, when really I need to look inside more. As well as continuing to use the tools that help.

Personally, I also find that it's helpful to accept that getting better is a process (in my case it's a very long process!!) And there are always going to be bad days. But as long as I don't give up, there will always be good days too.

I find that coming to a site like this is can be another good way to keep hope alive because there is a lot of support and encouragement here, and plenty of helpful things to learn too.

Wishing you the best!

[tailspin]

Every moment of your life is worked around dealing with it and trying to fix it . every thought is worried about the moment that you are in now is the moment you will always be in . But guess what, it never was and it never will be . The simply fact is that life changes and things change . But they can not change until you change your focus .

You have to start to take the attitude that today is today and that is all it will every be and all it every is . But tomorrow , well thats a whole new day.

You have to accept that the way your feel is the way you feel .


REALLY agree with this!!!! Yes, it is SO VERY important to shift our focus!!

Even though our symptoms and unpleasant feelings can be all-consuming, the truth is, the more we focus on them, the more we feed them! So we have to find a way to focus on other things. This doesn't mean we should ignore how we're feeling. Instead, as forwells says, it's about accepting that this is the way we feel, and then focusing on something else and getting on with things. I know this is sometimes way easier said than done. Obviously if we're feeling really bad, then it is hard to go out and do things. But still, there is nothing to be gained from dwelling on how bad we feel and telling ourselves it's all hopeless and we'll never feel better.

Things can and do change all the time. We just have to find a way to remain open to change and not close ourselves off.

[sweetypie]

I've had anxiety my entire life. I mean this literally. While most people had a moment when it started, for me, it's ALWAYS been there. My Mom even said that I seemed easily frightened and nervous as a baby and I know (from memories) that I had panic attacks as a toddler.

I know that I can get past anxiety because even though I was born with anxiety, I've gotten past a lot of anxieties.

I don't have health anxiety anymore. My agoraphobia is mild compared to what it used to have been.

New anxieties have taken their place. Fear of relationships, etc. But I know I can get past it if that makes sense with years of hard work like I've gotten past all my other anxieties.

[tailspin]

I've had anxiety my entire life. I mean this literally. While most people had a moment when it started, for me, it's ALWAYS been there. My Mom even said that I seemed easily frightened and nervous as a baby and I know (from memories) that I had panic attacks as a toddler.

I know that I can get past anxiety because even though I was born with anxiety, I've gotten past a lot of anxieties.

I don't have health anxiety anymore. My agoraphobia is mild compared to what it used to have been.

New anxieties have taken their place. Fear of relationships, etc. But I know I can get past it if that makes sense with years of hard work like I've gotten past all my other anxieties.

That's great to hear sweetypie!

[anak1n]

I, like many others here, have had anxiety as long as I can remember. Growing up it was bad, then chilled out for a long while when I moved out of the house when I was 18. The fact that it chilled out, after being in therapy since I was 9, reading countless books on how to 'cope with anxiety' and learning so many relaxation techniques, which helped sometimes and others didn't, I realized that if it could chill out then, it will again. I reached a point in myself that I didn't want to live the rest of my life like this, and even though sometimes it's a lot easier said than done, I just am learning to just observe my panic symptoms when they happen as opposed to freaking out. And slowly but surely things are getting easier. That's not to say that some days aren't hard, and I mean really hard, but over all I know that I will get better someday, hopefully someday soon. But if you give up on that hope, or just give up on it in general, you just are allowing your anxiety to take over. I really hope the best for you though, because I know how hard it is. Just keep working at it, set small goals for yourself and do those small goals. From personal experience, I had to slowly emerge myself into the world again. First I started with getting the mail, which our mail box is like 15 feet away from the house, then the next week I would walk down the street one block. And now I'm able to drive myself to school which is about 10 minutes away. For now that's as far as I can go, but the more I do it, the more I keep fighting and going on with my life, the easier it's becoming. I know that this is one of the techniques you learn from the books and therapy, but for myself it's really helped out. I hope this helped.

[hunn3yy]

Hey I know what you are feeling iv been there. For ten years I have been trying to find medication that works and now I think iv found one that works for me. It makes me see the positive in situations while before I couldn't even get our of bed. I say just keep at it keep test trialling medication with your doc and keep going through therapy find someone who gets you . Eventually you will find the best fits.

[jessed03]

Some real good posts here, especially from forwells and newzie.

Here's my take. You kinda don't need to make yourself believe. People can't do that really, can they? There are tonnes of atheists that kinda wanna believe in God, but just can't. Women that wanna believe their husband isn't cheating, but can't... Etc.

For some people, seeing is believing

Belief is a really big part of getting better in pretty much all illnesses, I won't say it isn't.... But you can go a part of the way without it. If you have an infection, and you take anti-biotics, you're going to see changes, whether or not you believe they will work. It will just be slower. The negative attitude will keep a person feeling a little run down, even after the infection is gone. But, they'll still be feeling better.

So let belief come when it comes.

Keep doing what is right, despite not believing, and when you begin to see small changes, that witnessing of progress may be all you need.

I think the problem that needs working on big time, is why aren't things working for you?

And the irony? Perhaps because you truly don't believe it will.

Anxiety is such a soul crushing illness, and I don't care what anybody says, if you aren't one of the lucky ones that gets better within a year, then belief drains faster than a mans bank balance when he has a gold digging wife.

See, the trick of anxiety is to make you tired and scared. Too tired or too scared to fight back. once you're too tired or too scared to fight back it makes you delusional. You can't see life the way it is when you have this condition. Mainly, cos you're fucking exhausted. And also because it holds a blanket over your eyes, hides, and yells BOO!!!!!

This is the honest truth. No matter the lip service I paid, the Buddhism I practiced, the meditation I done, I think if you'd have made me bet my life on an outcome, and my true feelings were revealed, I think my lovely words would have melted, and the cold, brutal reality of the truth would have become apparent - I didn't believe I was going to get better. I just couldn't see it. It had taken me so deeply into the hole, that the only reason I 'kept a positive attitude' was to delude myself and stop me killing myself.

And so we come back to the story of the anti-biotics.... For us long sufferers, what caused the anxiety in the first place, is usually gone. For me - health issues. I've now had them diagnosed and fixed. My previous fears, of insanity, of hidden evil, or certain death or embarrassment - also gone. Gone to the point that I can read others suffering from them, and barely remember what they even felt like...

Yet anxiety remained.

And so I went through my life. I went back to square 1... I changed my thinking completely. Improvement. I changed my mistaken beliefs. Improvement. I worked on my self esteem. Improvement. Sorted my diet. Improvement. Topped up my Serotonin. Improvement.

But I still wasn't better. And I realised it was because truly, I didn't believe. I had just been through too much to believe. It felt like a magnet kept constantly drawing me downwards, to disappointment and setback.

My problem, my one, remaining problem, was I had to see it first, before I could believe it.

I had to taste that freedom again, that freedom I felt before my breakdown, that I never felt for a minute since, before I could feel better. I had to connect with that, otherwise I'd never be me. I HAD to see, so I could believe...

But that was a real problem... Because how could I? If I could feel and connect with the way I felt before all of that, then I was better... And it didn't matter about all that connecting, believing nonsense...

I felt I had to see the light again, from deep inside my hole, because I'd kinda forgotten how it looked.

So I went gung ho... Meditated for hours, done extreme cbt, took my diet to extremes health wise... And I just felt worse. Fuck it, I just felt worse,and my belief was at an all time low.

It was then I read a book, by Maxwell Maltz - psychocybernetics. Exploring the image one has of themselves in their head, and how this image fuels their thoughts, and their desires, and their behaviours.

It made sense. It reminded me of Think and Grow rich, by Napolean Hill. Whereby he tries to encourage belief, and subconscious action, in people who have never had the kind of money of career they desire to get...

Lightbulb went off... Hill was saying the only way you can get success or riches, is to truly believe, and truly feel it within Your possession, so your mind can fill in the remaining steps. But these people had never had what they desired, so how could they believe and feel it?

This was quite a lot like what I was trying to do. i was trying to find calm, and freedom, only, i kinda didnt remember how they felt.

I most certainly viewed myself as an anxious person. So how could I ever really change? How can a person change themselves? It would be like trying to lift yourself up, by your shoes... Kinda impossible... Hill said the only way you will tap into your level of creativity and inspiration that you need, is if you truly believe its an inevitability that you'll get there, and if your mind believes its only a matter of times, and therefore unlocks certain attitudes or behaviours that were hidden from your pessimistic self.

Maltz in his book, described people after plastic surgery, as STILL viewing themselves as deformed, due to their self image, even though their issue was completely fixed now.

I had an idea... Could this be used to help anxiety? I most certainly still viewed my self as being someone with anxiety, even though my previous issues had gone...

What if I change my self image... Not a little, not through a few affirmations... But change it, right at its very core, completely remove the old one there, and put in a new one. Perhaps then I could eliminate all of these belief issues I suffered. All of these subconscious negative behaviours, and eliminate the habit which anxiety had become.

Perhaps I couldn't taste that freedom I needed in real life, but, I realised after those two books, that I could certainly feel it in my mind!!!

And that's sometimes all you need. Scientists have shown over and over again, that the mind struggles to differentiate between real life and imagination. So that's what I did. I became the person I wanted to be, in my head...through the most intense, powerful visualisations I'd ever done. Full of feeling, emotion, vivid detail... Over and over and over and over and over. Month after month after month... Intense visualisation resembling as close as possible to real life.

I haven't met a single person, on any anxiety forum, still struggling with anxiety, that doesn't have the self image of an anxious person. Anxiety found its way into their identity. And that's why it's impossible to get rid of at times. Because it has become you, and you can't eliminate something that is ultimately You... So it's of monumental importance, you remove it from your identity. And Ive found no other way of removing it from the heart of you, than by cultivating a new identity, full of the freedoms, and natural calmness you desire, and implanting that in the place of your old, now faulty, anxiety ridden identity

If you're white skinned, and you spent all day, over and over, trying to convince yourself you're black skinned, would you ever believe it? No right... And this is why cbt and therapy often fail. Because you can't try to convince yourself something is different to the way you see it, right at the heart of who you are.

It's just completely counterintuitive.

Anxiety is the same as skin colour. You can convince yourself your beliefs are wrong, you can change your talk, and, it will work, to a degree, but whilst you see the identity of anxiety, in yourself, you will never truly believe it, and whilst its a part of your identity, you will never truly be rid of it. Ever.

After a long time of doing this, I changed in so so so many ways. And, I'm not finished. But I have noticed changes I have never noticed before. Broken through barriers I didn't ever think I'd break through. Barriers that were with me since childhood.

If you do this in conjunction with other successful living habits, I have every faith you'll see massive changes.

Sorry for the long post:)

[tailspin]

Great post, jessed! Really interesting stuff. I guess hypnosis works in a similar way? Is that right? I've never tried hypnosis, but I believe it works on the premise of bringing about positive change by visualizing oneself in the desired state? I have heard that affirmations can also be more effective if you say things like "I am calm", rather than "I will be calm".

It's fascinating to learn how we can harness our brain's power in positive ways. Everything in life really comes down to our state of mind because our state of mind ultimately effects everything in life. I for one need to work harder at visualizing a more positive me!!

Thanks so much for this. And really glad, and impressed, to hear how you were able to completely turn things around for yourself.

[jessed03]

Great post, jessed! Really interesting stuff. I guess hypnosis works in a similar way? Is that right? I've never tried hypnosis, but I believe it works on the premise of bringing about positive change by visualizing oneself in the desired state? I have heard that affirmations can also be more effective if you say things like "I am calm", rather than "I will be calm".

It's fascinating to learn how we can harness our brain's power in positive ways. Everything in life really comes down to our state of mind because our state of mind ultimately effects everything in life. I for one need to work harder at visualizing a more positive me!!

Thanks so much for this. And really glad, and impressed, to hear how you were able to completely turn things around for yourself.

I think hypnosis works on your state, and triggering better behaviour habits, rather than deep inner identity. I think that's such a personal, detailed thing, it would be so hard to help someone with. It's like happiness. It's not a thing, you don't do it, it's a feeling. Calm is the same. You encourage the feeling, rather than the circumstances.

But thank you for the compliment. I became rather autistic actually because of anxiety. I had 3 years unrelenting derealisation/brain fog, in which I got detached from life. All emotion left me, my ability to bond or relate. I became robotic, and begun to see patterns and similarities in tonnes of stuff. Anyway, thankfully it went, but I have this 3 year gap in my life that just seems completely vacant. I went from 19, having anxiety build, to pretty much just waking up in my mid 20s, different, scarred, wondering what on earth happened. Very strange feelings indeed.

To paraphrase a famous comedian, I guess I have turned my life around... I used to be anxious and miserable...... Now I'm miserable and anxious..... Hehe :)