Feeling really weird :( don't know what to do

[Cody Stanley]

I am 20 years old and I have been struggling with anxiety for most of my life. Most of my anxiety problems had to do with agoraphobia and I'm happy to say I recently got over this in the past year (not completely but I am much much better) and I have felt pretty good up until recently. I have also had experiences with what are called "intrusive thoughts" in which I get horrible thoughts in my mind that make me feel really bad. They got really bad when I went on a trip to the other side of Canada to visit my brother and my uncle on a camping trip. It got so overwhelming that I had to leave, I was just afraid of being isolated in the wilderness with them while feeling this way. Once I got home near the end of august it didn't go away but I felt much better to be home since I felt safer being here and having alot more distractions around me than I did in the wilderness. Recently it has been bothering me again and today I feel especially strange I feel like I don't know what to do with myself and my mind is just racing and I can't even eat or relax or listen to music or do anything that I usually enjoy, I feel like I just don't know what to do with myself I don't feel right about anything and my mind is racing :( I've thought about going to the hospital or calling a crisis center and I felt really weird about that because usually thinking of doing those things bother me but for some reason they weren't.. it almost felt like something I wanted to do and usually I don't want to. My mind is just going a million miles an hour and feels like a big mess especially my thoughts

[Olive Yew]

:( I'm so sorry. I hate when anxiety nastiness gets in the way of doing something we really want to do. It's the worst.

Now this will sound REALLY unappealing but... It just may work. Do something really obnoxious: Jump in the shower with the water on cold and your clothes still on, flail around your room singing Ke$ha, Hang off your bed upside down and sing the ABC song like an opera singer. Do SOMETHING to basically hit your mind with a metaphorical sledge hammer. Once you've done that, do something that involves all of your concentration: paint, draw, work out complicated math problems, wood carve, build a model ship. SOMETHING. Doesnt matter if you're good at it or not. When you chose something, you gotta try like you're an absolute pro at it. Like you're trying to make it perfect.

This jars your brain out of it's funk and then makes it focus on something else... Something productive. What you're describing seems to sound like bits and pieces of derealization: a common symptom of anxiety. Your brain gets so used to living in fear and focusing itself internally that everything in real life seems like it's fake and that your "real world" is in your head. You gotta reverse it.
Even if you aren't derealized, a lot of times, the brain kick and distraction will snap me out of my funks. Sometimes my funks will be so bad I dont feel like doing anything but lay there and cry and freak out but i'm not even kidding, your mind just needs a distraction. The cold water thing usually does it for me and then I go draw pictures of Disney characters... And I'm not half bad at it either :P

I hope this helps and I hope you're feeling better!

[Cody Stanley]

The intrusive thoughts are what has been triggering everything.. I feel like when I get them it's almost like I'm getting a fear that I'm going to start enjoying them and they won't bother me which freaks me out even more because they are horrible thoughts.. It's really weird because it's almost like I want to feel bad when I get them and I do feel really bad but it's like I'm getting the thought that I'm going to start enjoying them and go crazy or something:( When I was on the camping trip I felt that way and it made me feel really scared and start to panic I thought if I stayed there I would end up going nuts or something

[Olive Yew]

This is from a really fabulous website I use all the time:

The Fears: going crazy, of dying, of impending doom, of normal things, unusual feelings and emotions, unusually frightening thoughts or feelings

What you feel:

You suddenly become afraid that you might lose your mind or that you are not able to think. You may also feel that you are not able to remember things as easily as you once did. Sometimes you become afraid of having a nervous breakdown. You also may have periods of 'crazy' thoughts that frighten you, or those thoughts 'just pop up' are bothersome by the content.
You fear that what you have is terminal and nobody knows. You may also fear that the chest pains are a deadly heart attack or that the shooting pains in your head are the result of a tumour or aneurysm. You feel that any one of the symptoms you experience are life threatening. You feel an intense fear when you think of dying, or you may think of it more often than normal, or can't get it out of your mind.
You feel as though something extremely bad is going to happen but you are not sure what. You may also feel as though your world is coming to an end.
You may become afraid of something that you had normally thought was not fearful. It may be a sudden fear of being alone, a fear of inanimate objects moving or talking, or an unsubstantiated fear for your safety to name a few (the fear that you may hurt someone or yourself when using a household knife is common. For example: you fear that you may uncontrollably stab a child, mate or yourself when using a kitchen knife).
You may feel that now you are frightened or have fearful feelings about almost everything, even things that have no real reason to feel that way do. Even small challenges well up fear in you, and seem difficult or destined to doom or failure.
What causes this:

An over stimulated nervous system can alter our feelings, impressions, thoughts and sensations involuntarily (by itself), because it is so interconnected with the brain. In addition, high stress biology produces increased feelings of fear and anxiety as a side effect. When you couple these heightened levels of fear and anxiety with randomly altered moods and thoughts, it becomes clear how these distressing and bizarre thoughts can seem so frightening, confusing and real. Simply stated, when the brain and nervous system are stressed, they can play tricks on your perceptions.
When these symptoms first appear, they often shake the individual's composure. Further episodes can erode their confidence leading the individual to question their sanity and stability. With the growing apprehension and concern over their questionable mental state, added anxiety increases the already high levels of stress biology which in turn produces more fear and more anxious thinking. If left unaddressed, these symptoms and the concern about them can become entrenched.
In this situation, it is important to remember that both the increased fear AND irrational thoughts are symptoms of an over stimulated nervous system. Despite how real these feelings may seem, they are false impressions caused by high stress biology. They are not signs of serious mental illness. They are symptoms only.
To remedy this, when the symptoms appear:
Recognize that these irrational fears are caused by the over stimulated nervous system and are symptoms only, not a serious mental illness. Do your best to remain calm, since added fear only compounds the symptoms. Thought stop or thought swap to change your self talk about what you are feeling. Make sure you are giving your nervous system ample rest. Accept the fact that these symptoms will come and go until your nervous system has received sufficient rest. Remember that you have the choice on what to do with each thought that comes along. You can dismiss, change, or act on them. You do so by choice.

[NeverToo...Fear]

Hi Cody, and welcome here !

Anxiety can really make us feel like we are loosing our minds--but when the fear we are loosing our minds causes anxiety, that gets a lil' tricky right here..I know it sounds crazy, but there were times where I actually feared that I was going to forget my name or that when I was doing something, my brain would want to self sabotage what I was doing just to turn things into a catastrophe..the important thing is that we know not to act out any of these bizarre and intrusive thoughts, and when they happen, it's best to just stop what you are doing, sit down and close your eyes. Basically to just not move or act on anything until you feel more in control of yourself..an important thing to know that you are not crazy, is knowing the difference between crazy and sane, and that you can easily separate the two.. if you feel that you are going crazy, chances are you still have a pretty good sense of yourself--if that makes any sense..

I think most of these thoughts and experiences you feel are caused by great amounts of stress..we can be under stress whether we realize it or not..and the brain is putting up warning signs saying, "Whoa, something's not right here..stress overload." ..I think it might be helpful to figure out where the stress is coming from so you can eliminate some of it and overall help you in the long run..best of luck to you :)

[Cody Stanley]

I really appreciate the help. The thing that just won't stop bothering me is I think I'm enjoying the thoughts!! I get scared that some part of me is enjoying the thoughts and I don't think I would ever act on them but its just when I think that I start to panic and I know the more I panic and get more anxious the worse it gets.. yesterday I went to see my girlfriend because I thought it would help and I just felt even worse and I had to leave early.. I'm now getting those feelings that I'm thinking I don't like her and that I want to dump her or something and they make me feel horrible when I know I really like her :( Basically what would just help me right now is if someone could just tell me that they understand what I'm going through and I just want somebody to understand because the worst part is I feel like I'm the only whos going through this and that I must be insane or something :( :confused:

[Cody Stanley]

Also I'm usually always looking for food in my house and eating all the time and now I don't even have an appetite.. I've only eaten like two things today I feel like this is turning me into a different person it feels like I'm living in some kind of a nightmare that won't end :( I also usually enjoy playing video games that are usually shooting games that involve violence and I'm scared to even go near them because of the violent content.. I'm scared it's going to make things worse or influence me in some kind of way.. like this just won't stop

[Olive Yew]

Cody i've been there. I'm know i'm like madly in love with my boyfriend. But i'll occasionally think "well maybe our spark is gone" and I have to remind myself that it very much isn't, my brain's just disconnected and i'd be even worse off without him.
I've also had thoughts while driving like "what if I just drove off the road?" Or i've had horrifying thoughts of doing really terrible things to my pets (which sometimes I love them even more than people!) and these thoughts come out of nowhere. They're so obnoxious that i usually go "what the crap Moon Moon?!" (I named my anxiety Moon Moon.) And then I'll distract myself. I've not had a huge struggle with keeping them out of my head but they do come..... And I've not wanted to admit it because of how disturbing they are. I feel like... If I admit it, it might just make me sound even more off my rocker than I am. But I know it'd all part of having anxiety and that knowledge helps a lot...

[sweetypie]

I just want to let you know, Cody, I can COMPLETELY relate to what you are going through and have been searching desperately for other people who understand.

I used to have very bad agoraphobia as well. Most of it is gone now, but a little bit is still there.

Mostly what you say you are struggling with is what I am struggling with as well. The evil thoughts. They make me so hysterical and I get them the WORST about my fiance, who I live with, so it's very, very stressful. I basically think all the time "What if I don't love him anymore?" or "What if I'm not attracted to him anymore?" or "What if we can't work out our problems?" I get super upset to the point where I scare my fiance by screaming into pillows or running around hysterically, panicking. I had a friend in person who made it even worse because I told her about my anxiety and she used to say,"What if you *don't* love him anymore?" And then I would have a full blown melt down.

A part of me knows I probably love him when I'm hysterical because I also get anxiety about him leaving me and get scared he'll leave me, but I get having the bad thoughts.

I have them so much about other things, too, that I would really never want to do. Like hurting people or blasphemous things about God and they make me hysterical.

But the worst problem I've been having is with my fiance.