My sister passed away :(

[HealthAnxNut]

Well, last Tuesday, my sister passed away at the age of 46. She had type I diabetes, and has always had a lot of health issues. She was hospitalized since August of 2012, had both legs removed, and a variety of other issues. She was suffering quite a bit, and so I am glad that is over. She had a rough life, and made a lot of bad decisions. It was the end of a lot of different kinds of suffering when she passed away. Strangely, I started taking an anti-depressant for the first time the day she died. My anxiety has actually increased, but I hear that is normal for the first few weeks. I'm trying to keep strong. I throw the pill in my mouth and swallow before I can back out. I feel sad about her death, but it comes in waves. I'll be fine, and then it hits me. And it's not just that she is gone, it's that her relationship with my family deteriorated the past 5 years, and there is guilt there, even though I know we all made decisions after years of struggling and trying. I guess I just needed to vent some of this stuff. Thank you all, for "listening". Hoping this med doesn't make me feel like freaking out today.

[tailspin]

Hi HealthAnxNut, I'm really sorry for the loss of your sister. And for the complicated feelings of grief you are experiencing. Hugs to you!! I think it's great you've started an anti-depressant. It sucks that the start-up can sometimes exacerbate anxiety, but I really hope that settles down soon and that you notice a positive difference.

Wishing you the best!

[sweetypie]

I don't know if this helps, but guilt after someone dies is very common. When my fiance's Mom died in a tragic accident (I live with her for a year and was very close to her before this happened), I felt immense guilt and I think feeling guilt after someone dies is a very common emotion.

[HealthAnxNut]

Thanks so much. It doesn't make you feel any less nuts when you have all these extra emotions swirling around. I'm just trying to hang on for the possible outcome!

[Perses]

HealthAnxNut, I'm really sorry to hear of your sister's passing. I have Type II Diabetes, and that's hard enough to live with, but Type I is really tough. I felt the same guilt when my Dad died; he was a difficult person to deal with at times, and so I wasn't there for him as I should have been. I'm sure you did the best for your sister. Keep living on for her: I'm sure she'd want you to be happy!!

P.S. I like your picture; it's really sweet.

[alankay]

You have to grieve and I'm very sorry about your loss. Try to keep on the AD at least a couple months before judging how it much it helps. Alankay

[HealthAnxNut]

Perses - Thanks so much. I tried so many years to be sympathetic, helpful, and unconditionally loving. But she made so many messes in her life, and the lives of myself, my mother, brother, grandmother, etc. It was too much to bear, and I pushed away. I feel terrible for the times she needed me, but I couldn't continue to enable her. In the end, it was a self-destruct... just makes it that much sadder. :(

alankay - Thank you. Yeah, I'm trying to keep an open mind. Because I struggle so badly with health-related anxiety, side effects are the world's worst prospect for me, because they are just adding to the list of body symptoms I cannot control. I'm trying to stay strong though.

[nf1234]

I just lost my best friend a week ago so I know what you are going through. They actually took their own life sadly so I think it is a little harder. I am doing well with it all though. Just wanted you to know that your not alone and time will heal the pain. Maybe even faster than you think. At least she has peace now and in some ways you have peace too. I know its hard to watch someone so self destructive and unwilling to take help.

[Cobra]

I don't know if this will help, but I had a near death experience following a hemorrhage. Almost bled out internally. When the heart monitor went off I felt a strong pressure on my chest, not pain, just pressure, and then I saw the most beautiful sunny light fill the er room. I was shocked I was dying so young, but then I just felt acceptance and thought, ok, here we go. I don't want to go but I guess I am! It wasn't until after I got better and was released from the hospital that I started having panic attacks. Lol!