Not allowing myself to get better

[newzie]

So, this past few days have been really bad for me, anxiety wise.

I feel as if I am not allowing myself to feel better and just keep putting negative thoughts and symptoms into my head/body.

I was suffering from depression pretty heavily a few weeks ago and it sucked, but as soon as that lifted anxiety started showing up much more pronounced. Sure, I had higher levels of anxiety when I was depressed, but it's like as soon as I started to feel better depression-wise I started feeling much more anxious.

Almost exactly one week ago, I woke up and felt awesome. My anxiety levels were so low, almost not even there nor was my depression. I had such a positive and cheerful outlook. For most of the day, I was completely anxiety free. I was a little odd since just the day before I had a lot of anxiety while driving somewhere pretty far. But anyway, yeah, that day was great; I got a little bit of anxiety at night because I started wondering if the next day would be as good, and what happens if it's not...

Since that day, my anxiety has varied from some points of the day being bad and others being good. The issue I have is it is just a general feeling of anxiety. So I can be home, as I am right now, watching TV and just be a bit edgy. It sucks when you just wanna relax in the comfort of your own home and just can't (it does improve over the course of the day though).

Anyway, at this point I feel like I am just making myself feel worse. Everything was getting better, I was eating better, I was looking on the bright side, laughing, hanging out with my friends/family and now all of a sudden I just start feeling worse. Yesterday I ate way too little and had a pounding heachache all night until I woke up. It caused me to get disrupted sleep which could be having an affect on me today.


I just feel like there is this 'block' in my head that won't allow me to feel better. I just can't 'let it go.' When I forget about it all or stop thinking about it (which is only for moments throughout the day) I feel fine. Yesterday I went to a friends house and for about 30mins-1hour during various moments I sort of just 'forgot' I felt bad and I felt friggin amazing. We were joking around, laughing, eating food. And then as soon as I ate some food and realized (oh that thats good I ate something) all the thoughts of my current 'condition' came back. It's like, I just wanna move on!

Sorry for the long rant, but I just needed to get that out today. I really need to find a find to just move on and let myself get healthy again. I don't have time for this general anxiety over nothing.

[alankay]

Anxiety will wax and wane depending on what's going on in life and with those closest to you. It will vary and it's OK. Never pay too much attention to how you feel and given day. As I said it can and will vary for many. Alankay

[jess_95]

I hope you feel better! I know the feeling of being in your own home and feeling uncomfortable, sometimes ill just want to take a nap and I can't because my chest pounds so much... Or any "down time" I often have to actually TELL my brain to shut off and just relax.
From all the threads I've read you seem to have the most similar symptoms as myself so if you ever want to chat feel free to message me.

[newzie]

It just a wild ride I will go from just terribly uncomfortable to 'alright' and for brief moments be laughing having a decent time, to anxious all over again. It is exhausting.

Hopefully I can ride this out sooner rather than later. I 'beat' it in the past, hopefully I can this time too.

[student8913]

I know how you feel, what are your physical symptoms? For me I lost weight, body aches, costo, couldnt swallow. Its all hit me at once and was quite sever. Its lasted about 2 1/2 mo and I'm finally sitting here yesterday and today and looking at the bright side of things. I only felt so bad because i was making myself feel bad, granted i still feel awful becaue of my IBS and Costo but for the most part im gaining weight back and im looking forward to what the next day has to bring. I never knew i had anxiety til 2 1/2 mo ago but now its something i need to work hardly at get myself back where i need to be even though ill always have it i need to learn how to react to it.

I started seeing a counselor at my school and probably starting therapy monday somewhere else. Have you thought about this? I am not the open type of person but its nice knowing u can just talk to them and they cant repeat anything u say and tell you you are compeltly normal for the way you are feeling. It hasnt helped me drastically yet but i can tell it will help a little.

I also started on zoloft (not sure about it yet) but meds are always a thought too

good luck!

[newzie]

Thanks for replies all!

The worst of everything is just the ebb and flow of the day. I am sitting right now and I feel literally 90% like myself (which is good) other than the nagging thought of what might tomorrow bring. Today I didn't do a whole lot but tonight I went out with like 4 friends. Sure, I got pretty anxious (which I never usually do) and some points bad thoughts went through my head like, "what if I freaked out right now," but I didn't freak out and I ended up having a good time. By the time the night ended for me I felt pretty good.

This is all so new to me so I don't know what to make of it all.

At student I actually started a therapist last week and have been exploring all options; I have not taken the medication route because this is somewhat new to me (I have had anxiety episodes with depression in the past, but got through them all within a few months without medication)...this time seems a bit harder so I might consider medication if it doesn't improve in the coming weeks but for now I just need to explore all the natural options before committing to it. My vitamin D levels are still low and have been working hard to bring them up, I just need to wait until I get them back to a normal level to see where I stand when that is where it should be.

Also I would love to chat with anyone experiencing similar situation to talk about coping mechanisms and things they have tried/done to get healthy again.

[Sarah W]

Hey newzie, I can relate to the being on edge even at home and struggling to not think about your anxiety. It's something that is hard to ignore, like trying not to look at something directly in front of you. I developed my anxieties a couple of years ago and have yet to really shake them, but it has gotten a bit better. Something you might like to try is meditating for a good ten to fifteen minutes and just telling yourself (and focusing on nothing else but a breathing rhythm) over and over "I expect to be happy/comfortable". It probably won't make you feel 100 percent, but it has taken the edge off for me. I realized that a lot of my anxiety is perpetuated by my expectation to have it (like you). Literally telling yourself the opposite of "I expect to feel bad" seems to put you in a better place. Other than that, I don't have any advice to offer because I'm still majorly struggling with kicking it myself. I did have to cut out stimulants, like coffee and cigarettes. That keeps me more manageable. Also, I tried taking a magnesium supplement (since you may like to go the natural route). I'm not sure if these things would help you or not. Get well soon. :)