mosa369
09-23-2013, 11:19 AM
Hello I'm new to forums so I'm not sure how this works so excuse me while I find my feet. I'm a 28 year old female from London and mother of two girls. I guess my story starts from my first Anxiety Attack which was around the age of 14 to 15. I have to be honest I was a smoker of marijuana back then and yes I don't believe marijuana was the cause of my Anxiety Attacks I have always been a worrier since a child I just think marijuana opened a door inside my brain that should have been kept closed. So back then I would have clusters here and there of Anxiety Attacks though back then I would always relate it to smoking. Then at the age of 17 I gave up after two years and the symptoms disappeared. I then went on to have my first child and for about 6 to 7 years I was Anxiety Attack Free. Until 2009 were my relationship with my partner had took a drastic change and there was violence on both sides now a mother of two children I slowly started to become ill. January 2011 me and my partner had been separated a year now and I was trying to move on not realising that my emotions were being stretched like an elastic band. Then BANG everything came at me - It started while I was on my way home on the Piccadilly line train, I'm sitting down listening to my music on my iPod, then my heart starts to beat ridiculously out of control so much to the point that I can feel it in my throat. I turned to my friend and said -"Charlene I don't feel so well." With that I grabbed her hand and placed it on my chest I asked her if she could feel that? She said yes and look at me and said - "You've gone pale". I immediately got up and in my head I said this is it I'm going to die if I don't get off this train.
That was just the beginning - I had suffered many that day one after the other it seemed. I went to my Mothers that night and stayed over.
The next few months my Anxiety got worse with the attacks happening on a daily basis, this also made me withdraw from friends and family the only person I wanted around me was my daughters and my mother. It got so bad that I had stopped going out my, Mother at this point stepped in and came to live with me. Even though it was good having my Mum around it was also distressing when she had to leave for a day or two as she had her own life to sort out, bills the house etc. I started to take action and went to my GP straight away she diagnosed me with Anxiety and prescribed me Anit - Depressants, which I refused to take and kept the unopened packet still to this day in my cupboard. Back then I was convinced that I had a undetected heart condition and would be in and out of A&E. I then referred myself to my local mental health team and was assigned a Therapist who specialised in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. I attended the sessions over a course of 5 months at the time I felt it wasn't helping me but later discovered that I was using some of the techniques during an Anxiety Attack.
So here I am 2 years later and I'm still getting Anxiety Attacks even though I have read all the self help books, been back and forth to hospitals who haven't yet found anything clinically wrong with me, had CBT and yet my symptoms are still there like a shadow ready to attack.
I have even gone as far as seeking spiritual healing - Through Chakra and Aura rebalancing and have found myself to be quite interested in the idea of spirituality and has to a point worked for me. Though lately I have been at war in my head with conflicting ideas on faith and what with what's going on right now of the world today again I feel I'm slowly withdrawing.
New symptoms have surfaced also like...constant dizziness, head fog, palpitations, fatigue, trouble swallowing, pin point pupils, and trouble maintaining my balance. That's just the physical symptoms, the mental - Racing thoughts, guilt, trouble concentrating, losing my temper, agitated, fear of the future, fear of death, fear of an illness, nightmares. Yet I still go to work and care for my two children, yes it has some what of an impact on my life though I am consciously aware of my behaviour and I try my up most to not let it affect my life and people around me. I guess that's all I can really do just accept that I have this condition and live and learn from it.
Thank you for listening :)
That was just the beginning - I had suffered many that day one after the other it seemed. I went to my Mothers that night and stayed over.
The next few months my Anxiety got worse with the attacks happening on a daily basis, this also made me withdraw from friends and family the only person I wanted around me was my daughters and my mother. It got so bad that I had stopped going out my, Mother at this point stepped in and came to live with me. Even though it was good having my Mum around it was also distressing when she had to leave for a day or two as she had her own life to sort out, bills the house etc. I started to take action and went to my GP straight away she diagnosed me with Anxiety and prescribed me Anit - Depressants, which I refused to take and kept the unopened packet still to this day in my cupboard. Back then I was convinced that I had a undetected heart condition and would be in and out of A&E. I then referred myself to my local mental health team and was assigned a Therapist who specialised in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. I attended the sessions over a course of 5 months at the time I felt it wasn't helping me but later discovered that I was using some of the techniques during an Anxiety Attack.
So here I am 2 years later and I'm still getting Anxiety Attacks even though I have read all the self help books, been back and forth to hospitals who haven't yet found anything clinically wrong with me, had CBT and yet my symptoms are still there like a shadow ready to attack.
I have even gone as far as seeking spiritual healing - Through Chakra and Aura rebalancing and have found myself to be quite interested in the idea of spirituality and has to a point worked for me. Though lately I have been at war in my head with conflicting ideas on faith and what with what's going on right now of the world today again I feel I'm slowly withdrawing.
New symptoms have surfaced also like...constant dizziness, head fog, palpitations, fatigue, trouble swallowing, pin point pupils, and trouble maintaining my balance. That's just the physical symptoms, the mental - Racing thoughts, guilt, trouble concentrating, losing my temper, agitated, fear of the future, fear of death, fear of an illness, nightmares. Yet I still go to work and care for my two children, yes it has some what of an impact on my life though I am consciously aware of my behaviour and I try my up most to not let it affect my life and people around me. I guess that's all I can really do just accept that I have this condition and live and learn from it.
Thank you for listening :)