feeling trapped (just a rant)

[dancing with the devil]

I don't know how to deal with my abandonment issues. On top of that I'm being lied to on daily basis, being kept secrets from, and gaslighted to make me feel like im fucking insane and it's all my fault. He knows how much his addiction hurts me, yet he continues to indulge in it while i'm left to wonder what else he's keeping from me, and I'm expected to act like a retard as if i didn't know what's going on, if i look sad, its my fucking fault, if im honest, i get yelled at for being a broken record, if im not honest, i get yelled at for lying. I just can't win with you can i.