I need to talk about this and get past it. Please help me.

[KSL]

Hello! So, I know this may come off as really ignorant or dumb to a lot of people. Trust me, I have been called just about every name in the book for having this problem and I've gone to counseling and tried everything I can to make it stop occurring. So, here goes nothing.. I have always had anxiety problems since I was a young girl but there is one thing that triggers it beyond all reason. It occurs when I am in a relationship where I really love the person and they see another woman nude. Whether it be a picture, pornography, or graphic sex/ nude scenes in movies. Luckily, my boyfriend I am with now respects my problem and tries his best to avoid seeing all of that to keep me from feeling the way that I do when it happens, but I DON'T want to live the rest of my life trapped by something I can't control..It all started whenever I was watching a movie with my first "real boyfriend" (this was some years ago, I am 20 years old now btw).. I remember sitting there and a nude scene came on and he got turned on. My heart started beating really fast, my palms were sweaty, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I didn't know why it bothered me so much but it hurt that he saw that and every time afterwards.. Part of me wonders if it has anything to do with the fact that I was sexually abused when I was 14 because I remember it getting tragically worse afterwards. I just can't figure out why I feel this way. I know it is completely NOT logical, but when it happens I feel as if my boyfriend cheated on me.. That shocked feeling in the pit of your stomach where u can't breathe and your whole entire body feels numb and all you want to do is cry your eyes out and break down..Something in my brain tells me that my naked body should be the only one he sees and when he sees others I don't want him to see mine at all.. I'm tired of always worrying about what my boyfriend sees or being hurt when he does see something.. I feel like something is wrong with me and I've even tried watching movies with my current boyfriend that show nudity and it ended with me almost hyperventilating, shaking, and in tears after the scene would come on and he would see the nudity.. I feel really alone in this and I just want to be a normal person because, trust me.. I know this isn't normal. I guess I was wondering if there is anyone else that suffers with this issue like I do? And if so how do you deal with it? Even if you haven't suffered with it if you have any recommendations that could help me get over this I would love more than anything to hear them..I know my boyfriend loves me and only me and I want to be able to watch movies like a regular human being with him and not have to always feel like an anxious wreck wondering if something is going to pop up.. I could really use some help here guys..

[Cobra]

Sexual abuse is a very traumatic event. To get over the anxiety, I think you need to figure out what it is that really upsets you. I think you know rationally that seeing a nude woman is almost unavoidable in our culture. What I found interesting is when you said you don't want your romantic interests to look at you after they had seen another woman. This makes me wonder if you are somehow viewing your boyfriend as an "abuser" after knowing that he looked at another female. He looked and he liked it and that makes him "bad".

[KSL]

I've been trying really hard to figure out the strongest aspect of it all that upsets me and I can never put my finger on it.. When I think I'm making progress with getting over it the same feeling comes up when he sees stuff again. Also, like most men, my boyfriend has been exposed to nudity and porn since he was young and has even told me that it really does nothing for him.. It's just a body on a screen and stuff like that comes up sometimes, but that he loves me and doesn't even care to look at other women, but he can't help what pops up on the internet or movies sometimes. That is completely true. I get anxiety about it even whenever we are not together wondering if he has seen anything and the thought of it kills me inside. I'm not sure I see him as "bad".. but in some way I feel like he is hurting me when he sees it.. then logic kicks in and I realize that is an unreasonable thought and emotion. I just want to break out of this so bad. It's the only thing that makes my anxiety go into over-drive like this...

[Cobra]

Well, maybe it would help if you understand how a guy's mind works. Men are very visually oriented, hence the porn, unlike women, who are stimulated more mentally, hence the romance novels and 50 Shades of Grey (AKA female porn). Of course, I'm speaking in generalities. Everyone is different, but if this weren't at least basically true, there wouldn't be a porn industry, and there wouldn't be so many trashy novels. So we like to look. It gets our engines revved. BUT we are not engaging emotionally in what we are seeing or fantasizing about. Men don't have the emotional connectedness that women generally have when it comes to sex. We are not-- how shall I put it delicately-- open like women are. We do not take anything inside our physical bodies. So our whole mental makeup is different. Now don't get me wrong, we love and feel intimate and get jealous and have all the same emotions that women do, but porn and naked bodies and fantasies... we just don't take it as seriously as women take those things. We have no emotional investment in such things. So, yeah, maybe your guy looks at stuff, but he doesn't feel anything for it. He's not connecting to it. He just consuming. Like eating when you're hungry. Or napping when you're tired.