Long story short - - well, not really lol

[epollock]

I have been experiencing the more painful side to anxiety - - which almost makes me miss the days of the rapid heart beats and rapid breathing. My chest, arms, hands, sides, shoulders - - everything for the most part that is near a vital organ has been hurting; masking as a stroke, a heart attack or even signs of Cancer (my 3 biggest fears)

I had been off my meds for quite some time and doing very well. I had learned some "mind over matter" tricks that really served me well. But recently, I have backk to work full time at a new and stressful job. I love love love my job and the work that I do but it sure does put a lot of strain on my mental stability sometimes. I have been driving a lot lately which is a large source of my anxiety but again - managed to over come it.
I have been in a wonderful relationship with a man who treats me with nothing but love and kindness. I have never been happier which scares the living day lights out of me!!! How insane must I be to be so afraid of being happy?!I?
I have also been preparing for my brother's home coming from the U.S. Airforce. He has been stationed in England with his wife and their 2 children. My newphew is 6. I havent seen him since he was 4! My niece is 2. Do the math there!! So needless to say, there is a lot of excitement.
I have also been worried about my father - - my mother died suddenly and unexpectedly about 4 years ago. This is when I was diaged with PTSD which later brought me the feelings of anxiety. My father's health is fine - -but his physical health is not ok. He has had a major back surgery and 3 years later, it didnt work. So, he is troubled with so much pain and having to continue to work because my mother's income is no longer around.

So - ok - long story here - jeesh!!

Needless to say, Im overloaded. I thankfully have a full bottle of Ativan that I hadnt touched in months and months. I called my Dr. to see if it would be ok to start taking it again. She said if I felt I needed it than it would be fine.
This morning, I was experiencing a lot of pains - - here there and everywhere. Scarey pains that I thought were going to cause me to go into one of the big attacks. So, I said: SCREW IT and I took an Ativan. I always take it under my tongue - - it makes the process a little speedier. Within 30 mins, I was no longer in all that pain. WHY?! Because Anxiety pains arent real - - you just think they are. You feel them like a real pain but if you did not have anxiety or the fear of these pains (which is usually coupled with the Anxiety) - you would realize that every day you feel these pains that you dont even think about.
So - I have decided to get back on the Ativan wagon, get myself into a situation where I am not stressed or scared. I will beat this Anxiety. I refuse to allow it to run my life.
Sorry about the book - I just wanted to share.
Take care all!!
Liz

[Dahila]

Fantastic, I believe you will beat this B*** I mean anxiety:)

[Saldav]

I understand I've been suffering from anxiety/depression for over 13. Years now, I wish I didn't have to take any meds but my anxiety/depression is very overwhelming. I've been taking ativan off and on for 13 years to were I guess I've built a tolorance to it, cause before one 1mg pill would do the job, but I guess after so many years 1mg doesn't do anything so now I take 3mg at a time. As needed. Dont be ashamed of taking ativan, you'll here tons of people say its very addictive, but what isn't. When I feel "normal" a bottle of ativan could sit in my dresser for months, but I know I have it just in case. Good luck liz.

[Cobra]

I take a half an ativan to take the edge off when I am mentally tired of fighting the anxiety. It can really wear you down. .25 for me, if I really really have to. I'd rather fight it head on and with a clear mind, but sometimes you just want to chill out and let your guard down for a little while.

[Saldav]

@cobra you must be a very small person, or just have a low tolarance level. .25mg wouldn't do anything to me but make me more anxious that I actually only took .25mg, but yet again I'm 6'2 320 lbs. But honestly I wish I didn't have to take any at all, but my anxiety is a big S.O.B. so I do what i have to do to stay sane.

[Dahila]

Ativan is good but as you said Saldav you build the tolerance to it. I was on it for year, then off for years and now I need two under the tongue to have the result. I avoid it if I can. Ativan is a cause of short memory loss. I take it only when panic attack starts which is lately not happening.

[alankay]

Benzos cause no memory loss/impairment in most if the use is a low/medium dose especially used from time to time. Don't believe that. There is no universal effects for these meds but for some on higher doses and/or daily, that can happen.
For severe/serious anxiety a benzo should be an option to work with you doc on(monitor use/effects). Not mild/moderate anxiety.
Use just enough only when needed. Alankay

[Dahila]

Alankay I agree with your opinion, if is not used all the time and in small doses it is safe. :)

[Cobra]

I'm a big guy. 6'2 280 lbs. but I have literally never been sick in my life aside from an occasional cold. Perfect sugar, bp, everything. So I am very sensitive to any meds, never having had to take them. I thinks that why I was so traumatized when I did get sick. I had surgery to remove some precancerous polyps, then hemorrhaged and almost bled out. Right after, I started having panic attacks. It was like I lost all trust in my body. My wife, whose had all kinds of medical issues, can't understand why I got so freaked out. She has diabetes, high bp, Celia's disease, had a heart attack when delivering our youngest son, has had a complete hysterectomy for cervical cancer, asthma, allergies and kidney damage. Lol. She gets so pissed at me when I freak out about my slightly elevated heart rate or complain about indigestion. She says I am the healthiest sick person she has every met! Even during a full blown panic, my bp is better than her drug controlled bp.

[Dahila]

Cobra, your wife can not freak out when you are full of fear. someone must be tough. It probably costs her a lot. When my hubby is stressed out and scared i pretend the calmness and optimism :)) Any way I think men are scared of being sick because of provider and defender instinct. I hope you will get what i mean:)
This forum is full of sensitive and tolerant people, I love it.