Health anxiety is ruining my life

[yikesmate]

if you can help me or give me any advice i will be so grateful. please read i need help.

ok here goes, im 23 years old and for the past few years ive suffered on and off with depression and health anxiety but this stage im going through just now is the worst i have ever felt and i feel like i cant cope.

a few weeks ago a friend of mine passed away suddenly of a totally unexpected brain aneurysm, he was only 29 and had just got married 3 weeks before hand and has a baby girl. this has affected me so badly because life is so fragile and can be taken away at any moment. I feel hopeless all the time thinking about death and dying and it is getting me down so much.

I have also convinced myself I have a whole host of illnesses, so much so I have been to the hospital a and e 5 times and the doctors twice in the past month. I have had various tests done-
-ecg
-full blood work including thyroid
-blood pressure taken numerous times usually round about 130ish over 70odd which im told is fine but still scares me as i think its too high.
-my ears and eyes checked (i had one pupil bigger than the other when i was started on citalopram and this FREAKED ME OUT as i was convinced i had something in my brain but the doc didnt seem concerned)

i worry constantly about brain aneurysms (which i never even thought about before my friends death) tumours, that i might have a heart attack and die ect

i feel worthless, ive isolated myself from everyone, ive not been out the door in a week barely showered, sleep all the time and im really not helping myself at all but i have no will to do anything.

i even took a razor to my wrist, stupid i know and ive never done anything like that before but i needed to have a release.

im on 10mg of citalopram but i feel like its not helping, i was on 20 the last time and i feel i need more than that this time round. I need something because ive had enough and im sick of living like this, in constant fear.
ive got all these symptoms too
dizziness
sore neck back, sore all over
feeling like my heart does a random hard beat sometimes
sore face
tired
sore hands
sore jaw
pain around eyes
loss of appetite feel nauseous all the time
feel hopeless and out of it
like everything is surreal.

im sorry this is so long but if anyone can give me advice i will be so happy,
ive had enough and feel like i cant deal with this anymore. i want it to end.

[bellaboochild]

Hey there,

I know how u feel. I have to deal with feeling like I am going to throw up each day. And what does not help is the fact that I have a fear of vomit. All u need to do is take deep breaths get your mind off of it and don't let it take over your life.

[str8trippin]

I can completely relate! I've been to the ER four times, seen three different doctors between the ER and my primary, two nurse practitioners, and an audiologist...have had blood work done four times including Comprehensive Metabolic Panel, Complete Blood Count, Thyroid, Lipids, Adrenal Function, and Cardiac Enzymes, had two EKG's, neck x-rays and chest x-rays...and there's nothing wrong with me. And yet, day after day, I physically don't feel good. This whole process is teaching me a lot about trust and acceptance. I absolutely know how hard it all is to deal with...it is exhausting, and frustrating. Don't feel alone in it! Remember that even if nowhere else you can find support here whenever you need it!

[Dan Medz]

Yeah I can relate to everything you say here. Health anxiety is my main issue. Just know it won't always be like this. There are bad periods and good. I had friends die young and unexpectedly too and I know a lot of this stems from that. I have one pupil bigger than the other too and was worried but you know what it is from a harmless genetic condition called Anisocoria and has no effect on your brain or the health of your eyes. If you look in photos from growing up you'll probably see it's been there all along! My dad has it too just never noticed. We anxiety heads tend to become very body aware and see and feel all kinds of things to worry about. Lymph nodes etc.. A whole host of harmless stuff. Anyway as others have said you definitely aren't alone in dealing with this hell everyday

[MrsJ88]

I can relate to everything but the self harm.. I don't do anything like that. But my anxiety began in 2011 when my grandpa passed away unexpectedly from an aneurysm as well. Ever since then I've been a mess! I have big time health anxiety!

[yikesmate]

thank you everyone for taking time to reply to me. Makes me feel much better to know i'm not completely crazy and alone in all this and other people feel this way too even though I wish none of us felt this way ever again.

I was having a total crisis last night trying not to rush off to A&E because i think they are getting sick of me tbh! i just have to trust the doctors judgement and believe that there is really nothing wrong with me at all, its hard sometimes but we all have our whole lifes ahead of us and we are wasting it on worry.

I hope you are all feeling strong and in control today, sending hugs your way xxx

[farrah01]

I am right there with ya!! I don't know what caused it for me really??? But I'm at a constant battle with my self! Lately it's my heart... I'm convinced I'm going to have a heart attack or that I have some kinda heart condition.. I get random chest pains, shortness of breath. I have had EKG, X-rays, blood work, which did show my cholesterol is elevated which only added to my anxiety! It's a struggle. I'm 30 years old, and I have never had any health problems... I don't know why this started.