Getting back to your "baseline" -- forgot what nor

[jsmythe]

I took some time off recently to clear my head and de-stress, and I got to thinking -- perhaps my anxiety and depression conditions are basically gone, but I'm trapped by the memory of them?

I've been having trouble for about a year now, but I feel that my main symptom at this point is a feeling that something isn't quite right. I can't really put my finger on it, but it's almost a feelilng that I've forgotten what it feels like to be "normal." I think if suddenly I was completely cured tomorrow, without some way to erase all memory of this experience, I wouldn't realize I was cured.

Has anyone gone through this sort of period in their recovery successfully? I know the standard answer is just "get your mind on other things," but I've been trying to do that for months and this sensation never goes away. There's a constant feeling that something in my intellect and personality has been altered, but as I feel like I've forgotten my baseline, I don't even know anymore.

Thoughts?

[Robbed]

It sounds like you are not completely over it 100% yet. Claire Weekes refers to this as the 'shadow of the shadow'. And perhaps it should just be looked at as a stage of recovery. As you know, depression and anxiety are horrible things. And the memory of the experience is going to be quite bad. Moreover, your mind has to learn once agan what normal really is. After all, part of the problem with depression and anxiety is that a different baseline had been established. However, the memory will fade with time. Your best course of action at this point is to go on with your life as best as you can, while accepting the way you feel, being patient and not trying to force forgetfulness of the condition. Be willing to give this feeling the time it needs to go away. And realize that it might not go away very quickly (probably at least several more months). But it will in time. I know this is probably not what you wanted to hear. But as you probably already know, nothing happens quickly when it comes to recovery from anxiety and/or depression.

As for my present recovery, I dont know that I am quite to that stage yet. But I went through something similar about 13 years ago due to drug use. For quite a few months after a bad acid trip, I had rather severe anxiety. I was convinced that I had severely damaged myself from the use of that drug, as well as the use of other drugs at the time. But even after the anxiety was over, I still didn't feel right, and didn't for well over a year. It's not like I was overly depressed or anxious all that time. But I just didn't feel myself. For instance, my emotions still felt rather blunted. I was quite convinced that I had damaged myself, and would never feel right again. I even came to accept that this is the case. But after about a year and a half or so, I actually started to feel like myself again.

Granted, it might not take you that long. And it might not have taken ME that long had I realized what was going on, and tried to calmly accept it better. But the key point to remember here is to be patient. Depression and anxiety likely turned your mind upside down. It will take some time for things to completely settle.

[Mark]

This "shadow of a shadow" stuff sounds very interesting. Where can I get more info on it?
I am at the stage where the thing that was causing me to be anxious is less stressful to me then the memory of the stress itself (hope that makes sense to you).
I feel that I am close to being over what was causing me to be anxious (I know I am not totally over it but I am 65% there) but I cannot shake the fact that I have been bothered in the first place. Because of this, I continue to feel that I have to prove to myself that I am getting better, which keeps the memory of what causes me to be anxious alive, which keeps me from feeling totally comfortable.
I feel that it will take me at least a few more months before I become truly comfortable, maybe longer. I am patient enough to realize that it is a process and that it will take time to truly heel wounds. In the meantime, I am not allowing myself to fall into the trap I was in where I was constantly on alert and everything else was swept aside. All the fun was taken out of me (I love playing hockey but my anxiety kept me from having fun while playing). This has died down to a point where I am able to enjoy myself again. The anxiety disappears for a while only to return when my activity is over. However, it has less and less of an effect on me.
I am confident that as I continue to do things that will take my mind off of my anxiety that the memory of what brought about my anxiety will fade and I will begin to feel comfortable again.

I must be getting better. Just writing that last sentence is making me so happy that I have a tear coming down my face.
I want to be the person I was before my anxiety got a hold of me. While I may never be 100% and know that I may have to live with anxiety all my life. I truly believe that I can beat this enough so that I can be me again.

Thanks for putting up with my blathering

Mark

[jsmythe]

I read about "Shadow of the shadow" in her book, but I feel like I've been in that situation for quite some time. I sortof feel like I've plateaued in my recovery and that particular thing isn't going away.

Mark- The book is "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" -- title is a little cheezy but it's actually a really good book. It might help you get over your last hump. Only $6.99 on amazon..

[Robbed]

I read about "Shadow of the shadow" in her book, but I feel like I've been in that situation for quite some time. I sortof feel like I've plateaued in my recovery and that particular thing isn't going away.


When you say 'quite some time', what do you mean? You say you have had problems for about a year now. Does this include the initial depression and anxiety? Even if it doesn't, recall that Claire Weekes considers a year to actually be rather short. I did not recover from my drug-related anxiety anywhere NEAR this fast. It took over three years total before I was normal again. So try to be patient. Remember what I said. When it comes to depression and anxiety, NOTHING goes away as fast as you want it to. You just can't expect to suddenly one day feel 100% like yourself again. Be prepared to ride this thing out until it is over.

Also remember that this sort of thing is largely learned habit. If ANYTHING can make a strong impression, it is something as horrible as a depression and/or anxiety condition. Getting over this is largely about breaking habit. And breaking this habit will not happen fast. As I said before, try doing things you enjoy to take your mind off it. It may not seem like doing this helps much - at least not in the short term. But, as I said before, be patient.

By the way, speaking of Claire Weekes, there is one thing that she says with which I STRONGLY disagree. You CANNOT get over this sort of thing in three months. It's just not happening. I hope you are not hanging up on that.