Partner suffering with health anxiety - need some advice, please!

[elizathorn]

My girlfriend had a bit of a stressful period in her life, with changing jobs and having a few stressful interviews and needing to pass her driving test within a certain time period and so on. She was already a bit of an anxious person, and has always been someone who worries about her health - but she's not the typical hypochondriac because rather than going to the doctor for every tiny ailment, she instead has a phobia of doctors (thinks that if she sees one she'll find out she's dying), and instead convinces herself that whatever is wrong with her is undoubtedly something serious. Due to the recent stress in her life, she has developed a few physical symptoms of anxiety. She's been feeling lightheaded, sometimes has problems breathing and dizziness, sometimes feeling like she might faint. Fairly common symptoms of anxiety. Except that, due to her already being a bit nervy about medical issues, despite visiting a doctor who told her that these were due to anxiety, she is still convinced that there is something seriously wrong. So, since then, any tiny symptom is convincing her that she is dying. She spat blood one morning - straight after brushing her teeth - and was convinced this was something serious. The last few days she's been obsessing over the idea that she can hear a fuzzy sound when everything is quiet - something that I am sure is quite normal, but she thinks is a brain tumour. Due to all this she has unfortunately had to quit her job, and is really struggling at the moment, and since we are in a long distance relationship and not living together I can't always be there. So does anyone have any advice about things that helped them with their anxiety, or ways I can calm her down about all her medical fears, or just any general advice about helping her through all this? I love her to pieces but am finding the whole thing really stressful and feeling so helpless. Would really appreciate some assistance! Sorry for the long post, hopefully someone will actually be willing to read it all!

[Cobra]

She needs to seek treatment before she developes full blown panic disorder. It sounds like she is on the verge of going down that road. Once she starts having panic attacks, she will develop a phobia of the panic symptoms, and it will become a endless cycle, leading to other phobias. I speak from experience. She needs counseling, and maybe meds, and she needs to learn how to stop the negative mental chatter. What if its this? What if its that?its how it starts. It's a mental trap that will take her a long time to get out of if she falls into it.

[elizathorn]

I feel like she's already getting there. She is anxious, and that makes her ill. And then because she is ill from the anxiety, she convinces herself that she is ill from something serious, and this makes her even more anxious, which makes her even more ill, and it's just a huge vicious cycle that I don't know how to get her out of. She has such a doctor phobia that making her go once was a huge achievement, and she refuses to go again. Can't afford CBT or counselling privately, she would need an NHS referral, which she can't get without going to a doctor. I really don't know what I am supposed to do to help her at this point :/

[JustAnotherAttack]

I want to say that its very nice that you're concerned and trying to help. That doesn't mean that its enough to actually help her, but just knowing that she has someone who cares should bring some sort of comfort to her.

I agree with Cobra though. She does need help fast if she wants to avoid going down the road of what a lot of us have and are going through. I can tell you how mine started and then hopefully you can see if there are any similarities in the situation with she and I and then we can judge how far she is and maybe see what she needs to do to help her.

Mine started a little less than two years ago. I was working full time at a preschool and I was sick. I had a sinus infection and bronchitis, so I was taking mediations to fight it. I took a couple of allergy pills and sat down at the computer to watch music videos. All of a sudden my chest started hurting, heart started pounding, my eyes could only see straight in front and nothing to the side, and I felt so dizzy. I thought that I was having a seizure because of the bright lights on the screen flickering, so I had hubby call for an ambulance. Then the feelings went away just like that. I didn't end up going to the hospital. I just went to bed. Since that day I have had panic attacks. I've only had two as bad as that one, but a lot of small and medium attacks that make me feel horrible almost daily. My top complaint as far as symptoms is being dizzy a lot. I went to the ER a couple of months ago after a severe panic attack and was told that I was only dehydrated and had a gallstone. Other than that I'm perfectly fine. They ran a lot of tests and did xrays and various other scans. They didn't check my brain. That is important because you'll see how my panic works now. Since I have been feeling dizzy sometimes I get the feeling that the problem may not have been my heart or anything like that, but my brain.
Realistically I know that they probably had no probable cause to check my brain, so I must be fine. I told them every feeling that I felt, but when you're having panic attacks you begin thinking about everything. I already know its not my heart, but since they didn't check my head my panic makes me focus on that. Maybe I could have something wrong with my brain.

Thats how panic works. We start at one thing and once we find out that specific part of us is okay then we move on to the next. This could be what shes going through...and if she hasnt gotten that far yet then she needs to see a doctor to verify for her that shes okay. Tell her that you want to make sure that shes alright and that you need to see for yourself. Ask her to get checked for you.

Its an ongoing cycle with panic disorder. She really does need help because this will consume her thoughts and she may eventually feel that shes just meant to feel like this forever and nobody should have to feel like that.
Ask her questions. Ask her why she feels so scared of doctors. Tell her stories about how you've been scared of something and then it turned out to be a situation that either made you feel better or proved to you that you werent scared and had no reason to be. As of right now it seems like you're her rock. People with anxiety try to find someone or something to be their rock because they don't feel stable themselves. Over time she will start depending heavily on you for tiny things. I have the majority of my panic attacks when my husband isn't home and when he is home I feel better because I feel safe.