JustAnotherAttack
08-27-2013, 06:35 PM
Hey everyone. I'm 26 years old and have been married for 3 years...with him for 5. My life is very calm...nothing really happens too much, but when it does its nothing I cant handle.
I've recently moved to a new state...I've been here for two years and I don't have any family nearby. We are close to my husbands family, but never interact with them much. I feel the only person I have is my husband and phone relationships with my parents. I don't know anyone here, but I'm working on changing that.
The strange part (for me at least) is that my anxiety is worse when my husband is at work. I have daily panic attacks unless its the weekend and hes off work. Sometimes even then I have them, but not the all day feeling. I feel like hes my rock and he keeps my mind grounded. I depend on him for so much, but he doesn't even realize it. I cannot tell him this because I don't want him to think that I'm dependent on him for my sanity and wellbeing, so I keep it to myself and those stray eyes that choose to read this.
Anyway...
My panic attacks started one random day when I was sick. I had been sick for a few days with a sinus infection and bronchitis. I was given some allergy pills and I took them. A couple of hours later I got a really strange feeling...my heart started pounding and all of a sudden things around me faded and I could only see directly in front of me. I felt myself get very dizzy and I called out for my husband who called an ambulance. I didn't end up going because the feeling went away, but I was still slightly worried about it, so I just went to bed. Since that day about a year and a half ago I have not been able to get rid of these attacks. I have them daily, but they vary in intensity. I've had two that made me feel as if I needed a doctor. The first one and one that happened about a month and a half ago. I cannot shake the feeling and I hate every minute of it. Most of the time I try to fight it which I am starting to believe makes it worse, but I've been too scared to let the feelings overcome me. When I went to the doctor they confirmed what I already knew. I'm healthy. All that was wrong with me was a gallstone. Otherwise, I'm perfectly healthy. I keep that in the back of my mind when I have panic attacks...so that way I can realize that I'm not dying, lol.
My symptoms are insane...I have so many of them. It makes me seem like I'm a hypochondriac, or however you spell it. I'm not though and I know it. I do have mental issues such as PTSD, severe depression, and borderline bi-polar disorder. The thing about it is that I'm not depressed...I'm not full of stress or anxiety. I realize my problem is the chemicals in my brain are off. The problem is very real for me. I am a stay at home wife, so my stresses arent very high here. I have no children and the most I worry about during the day is doing the dishes, lol. So it has to be the chemicals. People that know me (family) say that it is probably due to my past as a child. I had a crappy event happen to me for about 10 years and it basically caused the PTSD. I don't even think about that anymore really. Only when someone else brings it up. I worked through those issues with therapy a long time ago.
Now all I need is medication to work with the chemicals in my brain to regulate how I feel. I'd rather feel like a zombie than feel like I'm losing my mind everyday.
My symptoms:
Heavyness in chest
Heavy feeling in the back of my head (not neck...my actual head.)
Extreme dizzyness
Afraid of being alone because something could happen
Constant need to bring my phone everywhere with me just in case
Feeling like things are going in slow motion
Headaches/Migranes
Feeling that I'm going to die/impending doom
The constant need to check to make sure that burners are off on the stove, the water isn't running, the doors are locked when I'm alone (thats ocd and partly panic disorder)
Worrying about the bathroom door being locked when I'm home alone while I'm showering
Shaking
My eyes get very blurry
Feeling like I'll have to rush to the bathroom
Feeling like I am dehydrated
Cannot catch my breath
Feeling like I am going to pass out
Weakness in my legs
Feeling that I'm losing control or I'm going insane
There are several more, but I cannot exactly think of them at the moment.
All of these can happen at once (the really bad attacks) or only a few (mild attacks) I'm learning how to cope without medication, but that isn't going to be an option for long.
I feel that it is getting worse in public. I'm constantly focused on what my body is doing...such as how I'm holding my hands, what my facial expression is like, if I'm acting strange, and so on.
I cannot go out by myself without feeling like something terrible is going to happen. I spend the majority of my day trying to avoid doing things that happened when I had a panic attack, but now its getting to the point where I cannot stop doing all of those things. I've had panic attacks when I was eating, riding in a car, taking a shower and bath, being intimate with my husband, watching tv, drinking coffee, and other random day to day things.
Things that help me:
Cutting caffeine...it sucks, but it helps somewhat.
My husband being home with me
My phone being near me
Listening to calming audios relating to panic attacks
Reading
Reading especially things in relation to panic attacks and how to cope
Distracting myself...sometimes tv helps, but sometimes not
Writing
Talking to my mother on the phone
Those are a few of the things that I try to do when I'm in panic mode, but sometimes they don't work. A tried and true one is talking to someone on the phone. I always talk to my mother when I'm having a panic attack...or at least I try to. She calms me down and makes me feel better. I always feel better when my husband gets home from work too or when hes off.
So that is my story. Every single day for the past year and a half. I hope that I can find people to relate to me here. If all else fails maybe I'll have somewhere to go to distract my thoughts for a while and to let my feelings out. :)
I've recently moved to a new state...I've been here for two years and I don't have any family nearby. We are close to my husbands family, but never interact with them much. I feel the only person I have is my husband and phone relationships with my parents. I don't know anyone here, but I'm working on changing that.
The strange part (for me at least) is that my anxiety is worse when my husband is at work. I have daily panic attacks unless its the weekend and hes off work. Sometimes even then I have them, but not the all day feeling. I feel like hes my rock and he keeps my mind grounded. I depend on him for so much, but he doesn't even realize it. I cannot tell him this because I don't want him to think that I'm dependent on him for my sanity and wellbeing, so I keep it to myself and those stray eyes that choose to read this.
Anyway...
My panic attacks started one random day when I was sick. I had been sick for a few days with a sinus infection and bronchitis. I was given some allergy pills and I took them. A couple of hours later I got a really strange feeling...my heart started pounding and all of a sudden things around me faded and I could only see directly in front of me. I felt myself get very dizzy and I called out for my husband who called an ambulance. I didn't end up going because the feeling went away, but I was still slightly worried about it, so I just went to bed. Since that day about a year and a half ago I have not been able to get rid of these attacks. I have them daily, but they vary in intensity. I've had two that made me feel as if I needed a doctor. The first one and one that happened about a month and a half ago. I cannot shake the feeling and I hate every minute of it. Most of the time I try to fight it which I am starting to believe makes it worse, but I've been too scared to let the feelings overcome me. When I went to the doctor they confirmed what I already knew. I'm healthy. All that was wrong with me was a gallstone. Otherwise, I'm perfectly healthy. I keep that in the back of my mind when I have panic attacks...so that way I can realize that I'm not dying, lol.
My symptoms are insane...I have so many of them. It makes me seem like I'm a hypochondriac, or however you spell it. I'm not though and I know it. I do have mental issues such as PTSD, severe depression, and borderline bi-polar disorder. The thing about it is that I'm not depressed...I'm not full of stress or anxiety. I realize my problem is the chemicals in my brain are off. The problem is very real for me. I am a stay at home wife, so my stresses arent very high here. I have no children and the most I worry about during the day is doing the dishes, lol. So it has to be the chemicals. People that know me (family) say that it is probably due to my past as a child. I had a crappy event happen to me for about 10 years and it basically caused the PTSD. I don't even think about that anymore really. Only when someone else brings it up. I worked through those issues with therapy a long time ago.
Now all I need is medication to work with the chemicals in my brain to regulate how I feel. I'd rather feel like a zombie than feel like I'm losing my mind everyday.
My symptoms:
Heavyness in chest
Heavy feeling in the back of my head (not neck...my actual head.)
Extreme dizzyness
Afraid of being alone because something could happen
Constant need to bring my phone everywhere with me just in case
Feeling like things are going in slow motion
Headaches/Migranes
Feeling that I'm going to die/impending doom
The constant need to check to make sure that burners are off on the stove, the water isn't running, the doors are locked when I'm alone (thats ocd and partly panic disorder)
Worrying about the bathroom door being locked when I'm home alone while I'm showering
Shaking
My eyes get very blurry
Feeling like I'll have to rush to the bathroom
Feeling like I am dehydrated
Cannot catch my breath
Feeling like I am going to pass out
Weakness in my legs
Feeling that I'm losing control or I'm going insane
There are several more, but I cannot exactly think of them at the moment.
All of these can happen at once (the really bad attacks) or only a few (mild attacks) I'm learning how to cope without medication, but that isn't going to be an option for long.
I feel that it is getting worse in public. I'm constantly focused on what my body is doing...such as how I'm holding my hands, what my facial expression is like, if I'm acting strange, and so on.
I cannot go out by myself without feeling like something terrible is going to happen. I spend the majority of my day trying to avoid doing things that happened when I had a panic attack, but now its getting to the point where I cannot stop doing all of those things. I've had panic attacks when I was eating, riding in a car, taking a shower and bath, being intimate with my husband, watching tv, drinking coffee, and other random day to day things.
Things that help me:
Cutting caffeine...it sucks, but it helps somewhat.
My husband being home with me
My phone being near me
Listening to calming audios relating to panic attacks
Reading
Reading especially things in relation to panic attacks and how to cope
Distracting myself...sometimes tv helps, but sometimes not
Writing
Talking to my mother on the phone
Those are a few of the things that I try to do when I'm in panic mode, but sometimes they don't work. A tried and true one is talking to someone on the phone. I always talk to my mother when I'm having a panic attack...or at least I try to. She calms me down and makes me feel better. I always feel better when my husband gets home from work too or when hes off.
So that is my story. Every single day for the past year and a half. I hope that I can find people to relate to me here. If all else fails maybe I'll have somewhere to go to distract my thoughts for a while and to let my feelings out. :)