Really low self confidence and self esteem

[tailspin]

My self confidence and self esteem are soooooooo low. I know this really feeds my anxiety because I basically have no faith in myself or my ability to cope. I have a lot of self doubt and self hatred and it's a vicious cycle. This is separate from my anxiety and has more to do with depression. But it also feeds my anxiety. At any rate, the end result is that I feel like I'm f**ked up and weird and inadequate and a failure on many levels etc etc etc.

What are some of the things you do to make you feel better about yourself and to raise your self confidence and self esteem?

[amb1984]

I've been in the same place and still am not over it that's for sure, but I've been setting small goals and things I can achieve daily which do help with my self confidence and self esteem. I can go to sleep at night knowing that although I haven't accomplished things that I normally would expect from myself I have been able to do small things. Just preparing healthy meals and finding energy to go for a walk feels like a good step.

[Dahila]

I am there whole my life :(

[tailspin]

I've been in the same place and still am not over it that's for sure, but I've been setting small goals and things I can achieve daily which do help with my self confidence and self esteem. I can go to sleep at night knowing that although I haven't accomplished things that I normally would expect from myself I have been able to do small things. Just preparing healthy meals and finding energy to go for a walk feels like a good step.

Thanks for your reply, amb. I think that setting small goals makes a lot of sense. I have stopped doing that and need to get back on track. I'm definitely in a place at the moment where I've sort of given up, and I know I need to make more effort. Setting small daily goals is a good place to start. Thanks for that!

[tailspin]

I am there whole my life :(

Sorry to hear that ((((Dahlia))))) I can relate and I know how much it hurts.

[Anthony Mendez]

Your not alone, I to was at that point especially when i could not even hold down a job. But I gathered all the strength I could muster up and I took a good look at myself and truthfully went over every negative thing about me and made a check list and I worked on changing everything on that check list from little things like Not giving more effort to keep the kitchen cleaned, or not communicating with family more about whats going on with me or helping out more with various things/just giving more. Learning to enjoy things that I normally would not enjoy like washing the dishes. Sounds like a lot of work. Hell yeah. But start out slow and work on everything on that checklist you made of being honest to yourself. When I felt low. I would go do something for a family member like do the yard and I felt better. I accomplished something that helped my family. Just that little bit of feeling good about giving can give you enough strength to give you a positive adrenaline rush and you can ride it all the way to a good day without depression. It's in you just be honest with yourself and go do it.

[tailspin]

Your not alone, I to was at that point especially when i could not even hold down a job. But I gathered all the strength I could muster up and I took a good look at myself and truthfully went over every negative thing about me and made a check list and I worked on changing everything on that check list from little things like Not giving more effort to keep the kitchen cleaned, or not communicating with family more about whats going on with me or helping out more with various things/just giving more. Learning to enjoy things that I normally would not enjoy like washing the dishes. Sounds like a lot of work. Hell yeah. But start out slow and work on everything on that checklist you made of being honest to yourself. When I felt low. I would go do something for a family member like do the yard and I felt better. I accomplished something that helped my family. Just that little bit of feeling good about giving can give you enough strength to give you a positive adrenaline rush and you can ride it all the way to a good day without depression. It's in you just be honest with yourself and go do it.

Great advice. Thank you!

[Fenrir]

I've struggled with low self-esteem and confidence my entire life along the negative implications. I've been trying to move my life forward with a job and it just hasn't been happening. I'm kind of a perfectionist and a deep thinker so I usually take rejection personally. I blame myself when I can't achieve a goal and it's just becomes a constant cycle. Watching other people succeed and feeling that my life is stuck with no answers has played havoc with my self-esteem and anxiety where small things in the day such as a conversation can send me into a panic attack. I've tried to break this through exercise, meditation and trying to talk to a friend. It's not easy but it has eased the pain at times. Activity is a great way to help boost your self-esteem as others have pointed out.

By the way, I like your username.

[Anthony Mendez]

I was that same kind of deep thinker Fenrir and I have noticed many other people with panic disorders are also deep thinkers. Always worried what people think. With that perfectionist quality about us. I took that quality and after taking a deep honest look at myself I made a checklist of what I need to change about me, which not worrying about what people thought being one of the highest things on my checklist I used that perfectionist quality to counter not worrying about what people thought about me. Meaning I stopped myself every time I started to worry about anything and I smiled to myself and said I am not talking I am doing it now, I am taking my perfectionist qualities and smoothing out my negatives in my life. I still have to stop myself from time to time but the pressures I took off my life really added to smoothing out my panic attacks. Just one tool out of many that my conscience came up with. Common sense stuff but common sense is hard to practice when dealing with daily panic attacks. We all have it in us to try though and might as well try than give up. By the way I have a ebook out on amazon called, My Life With Panic Attacks And how My Conscience Became My Best Friend. Check out the first few paragraphs for free and starting august 31st to September 4th its up for free to all kindle users. At least i think thats how i set it up. I am horrible with this online stuff lol.

[Charlotte_]

I feel the same way :/
But what's best to do is think about something you like about yourself, your favourite feature and then keep thinking of it. Keep saying good stuff to yourself and you'll soon start to believe it inside.
What's most important is to think of yourself, we're all human and everyone is unique. You're talented, you're beautiful and one day you'll be someone else's dream. It's hard to believe now but it will be true. :)
Just remain positive as hard as it is.
It's your life so you will never let anyone down! :)

[tailspin]

Thanks Fenrir, Anthony and Charlotte. I definitely agree that keeping busy/activity is important. But sometimes it's really hard to motivate myself. Definitely at the moment I'm in a real slump and I'm finding it hard to do anything beyond the basics (which feeds the self-hatred because then I add "laziness" to the list of things I don't like about myself).

I also really like the idea of making a list of things I want to change about myself, but I'll have to be careful to keep it small to start with, otherwise I'll get completely overwhelmed. And same with the goal-setting idea. I did set myself a small goal this morning and I still haven't done it!!! I'd better log off the internet for a bit and do that one task I set myself! And then I'm going to say something nice to myself! :)

Thanks for the ideas, guys!

[Dahila]

tailspin start from something like; trying to like yourself and be kind to you :) then start to move in small steps. Life goes on and u are in the place you suppose to be. You are not alone as u see. so many people on this forum (all people) go through anxiety, depression and phobias. It is very difficult to live with it. I am trying to find the way to reprogram my way of thinking about life. I do not have that much time left so I better use the time wisely. U see I would do anything to be able to go to Province u live in and see the orange trees with fruit on it:))))
I just added the place I live so you know that we do not have the orange trees :))

[tailspin]

tailspin start from something like; trying to like yourself and be kind to you :) then start to move in small steps. Life goes on and u are in the place you suppose to be. You are not alone as u see. so many people on this forum (all people) go through anxiety, depression and phobias. It is very difficult to live with it. I am trying to find the way to reprogram my way of thinking about life. I do not have that much time left so I better use the time wisely. U see I would do anything to be able to go to Province u live in and see the orange trees with fruit on it:))))
I just added the place I live so you know that we do not have the orange trees :))

LOL!! Yes, the orange trees (and the oranges!) are good here! :grin: It definitely feels good to be amongst people who deal with some of the same issues I do. There is no one in my circle of friends who has these anxiety problems so I've been feeling alone with it.

Thanks again, Dahlia!

[DodgingRain]

I do a few things. First off I assume other people are wrong unless they agree with me. It helps a lot with worrying about what others think if you assume they are wrong. I also try to block the lack of confidence and self-esteem out. So when I need to accomplish something like get a new job, etc I just do it and don't acknowledge those feelings. The other thing I do is think that "if someone else can do it, I can do it and probably do it better than them."

I still struggle but those are my tools that I use to deal with it.

[joolz5108]

I read something in this thread that gave me some comfort, it was something like "even just preparing a healthy meal and going on walks feels good". I agree with this. I'm on the road to recovery from awful anxiety and low self confidence and it helps to focus on the small steps that I am taking to make myself feel better. Baby steps people!