Klonopin Addiction

[starbryte76]

I have almost 8 years clean from illegal drugs. I am also on methadone. it literally saved my life when NOTHING else would. I was very very very very reluctant to go on klonopin, xanax, etc. so I suffered and stayed home bound for YEARS. The non benzos helped slightly with depression, but no matter what I took, or how I combined it, I always had the agoraphobia and panic attacks.
I now take klonpin. 1/2 milligram 3x a day as needed.
I often take half of that half upon waking and before bed.
There was about 2 weeks I didnt take it once. As Needed.
About 2 weeks ago I started having PA's from HELL. I would lay in bed in tears scared of dying obsessing about every twinge and ache in my body for HOURS even after taking my half of a half milligram.
I swallowed the bullet and took it as prescribed and FINALLY got relief.
I took the entire pill as prescribed no deviations for a few days until I felt better again. Now I am back to half of a half.
After a decade+ of having agoraphobia/panic attacks why is it H killed them off, but not methadone, not a non benzo, but the klonopin does.
I WILL NEVER EVER EVER go back to that person. I used H because I saw how it made ppl feel nothing and at 23 I was at the start of my severe agoraphobia and panic attacks. I was green to my illness and felt I could handle it.
WRONG. Thats another tale for an addiction forum.
I was dually diagnosed and told this was not uncommon.
I am ashamed and scared to even post this so if you make fun of me or talk bad about addiction I seriously hope you get diarrhea .
I am scared crapless to take my meds, even in the grips of a severe panic attack I suffer. I ont ever want to be an addict again. I know I am in "recovery" and not active addiction but the fear of going back is so strong I have gone through severe pain and panic attacks for 8+ years now.

My question is this: should I take pills as prescribed and not wait until an attack hit to take a pill? Thats what I do take half when an attack hit or a whole if its thats bad.

Anyone here have a similar background to mine? I feel alone as an agoraphobic, I feel like I have a double whammy with the other baggage too.

Bless you friends

[alankay]

We all have baggage so no worries.
This is what I would try(and what I did as guided by my doc). Get stabilized.
Take just enough clonazepam to make you feel OK and then hold that dose. Your body and brain will adjust and then ever so slowly lower the dose of clonazepam over a period of weeks(or longer). It may be that your doc will need to rx .25mg tabs or you can split pills. Ask your doc to help you schedule a tappering programs. Say 1/4 mg a day for each week or two(yes, very slowly). This will allow your brain to see the gradual decrease in the med in your system and adjust to it as the time allowed when you just stop the med is not long enough.
Sometimes you can switch to longer acting valium or clorazepate at some point in the tappering process but some can just do a nice, long, slow, tapper off the clonazepam(or other benzo) and go to an "as needed" use pattern as I have as well as many others. I now use it just when really needed. That should be you goal for the moment. You can always bump up the dose if you need to temporarily while in this process. Don't rush this. PM me any time. Alankay

[alankay]

Anyway, who says you have an addiction to klonopin? Do you crave it, take it against medical advise or take it to get a high?? Alankay