Sick to fuc**ng death of this shit now

[jessy]

Sorry excuse language .
I really have had enough of this now 18 years of anxiety & depression .
Constant pain in my arm shoulder neck wrist back head . Constant stomach in knots, constant dizziness,constant sore jaw & cheek, constant sick feeling, constant worry,constant fear, the anger,the frustration,the irritability,the sadness,the fatigue,the inability to live any kind of life,the meds,the side effects,the switching to find the right meds then withdrawal & onto the next one,the lack of patience,the loss of friends,the loss of all confidence,the confusion,the mind fog,the exhaustion,the loss of relationships,the loss of work,the bad dreams,the strange feelings,the tight chest,the inability to breath properly,the feeling of hopelessness,the feeling of being a stupid cow who can't get better
The loss of hope, not being able to be a proper mum to my poor kids . I HATE THIS ILNESS
IT'S RUINED MY LIFE

I FEEL VERY ANGRY (can you tell)

[str8trippin]

I hear you, girl! It gets incredibly frustrating. Frustrating is an understatement, really. For me, just when I think I'm doing all right, it all hits me again and I fall right back into the rut. That's what frustrates me the most, I think, because I'm kicking myself in the @$$ for not being able to pull it together and letting myself go backwards again. I had been doing really good for a few weeks, and the last two days it's been creeping back up on me...had an emotional break down of sorts last night and this afternoon I've got the tight throat/unable to swallow/dry mouth thing going on and desperately just want not to be at work anymore. Sorry to hear you are struggling but you are not alone! I never expected to find myself in this position...depressed and afraid of everything. I can definitely understand how it starts to make you feel inadequate because you feel like so much of your focus is just on getting through the day. I just keep telling myself to take it one day at a time and that hopefully it will get better.

[jessy]

I've just had enough . I'm so done in now . I really am .
I feel for everyone here, what we go through no one can possibly understand . It's like torture on a daily basis , which is not conducive to wanting to carry on living really x

[rosco]

Hi Jessy, no need to apologize for the language. I'm with you. I've been fighting this since I was young. (I'm 49 now) I understand everything in your post. And I mean everything. For me, it's a painful existence and I'm sick to death of it too. I want to encourage you to hang in there. I know words like that don't mean much right now, but sometimes it helps to know that you are not alone and I can honestly say that I share your pain. I also have two children who have watched me suffer and i feel terrible about that. If I could change it, I would. I've been thru all of the "proper" channels throughout my life to try and deal with it, meaning religion, counseling, psychiatrists, hospitalization and medication. And still I have the same frustrations. Praying that one day i will wake up and this shit will have disappeared. But for now, I'm only at peace when I'm asleep. I hope you find peace and happiness soon. You deserve it.

[jessy]

It's 5am & I've been awake for hours .

Thank you for the reply's & the help & just for caring . I'm truly at my wits end . It really is to much to bare now .
I don't want to live the rest of my life in this hell x

[jessy]

Forwells

I will google that later today . What you say makes a lot of sense x

[JustAnotherAttack]

I feel the same way Jessy. There are times where I'm convinced that this is how I will feel for the rest of my life and I cannot stand that thought. I don't want to wake up feeling like today is just another day to fight off just another panic attack. It happens to me daily too and I hate it. Its hard to talk about it when nobody around you understands and its especially hard to talk about it if people don't believe or think its in your head. I often wish people that thought that way would experience one day of my life and tell me that it isn't real then. But they cant...so its useless wishing bad on others. This is hell really...it sucks and I wish I could wake up normal. I'd be happy for even 1 or 2 days per week that I could be happy and normal again.
Theres no sense though because this is my life until I do something about it. I have come to the realization that there is nothing physically wrong with me other than a chemical imbalance in my brain which makes me feel the way that I do daily.
Its unfortunate that medication is the way to fix that, but if thats what it takes then sometimes we have to bite the bullet and just do it. Medication is only bad when people take it like its candy and try to get something that they shouldn't from it.
Taking as prescribed is no different than waking up and brushing your teeth. It can become routine and just not bother you.

I know how you feel...and so does everyone else that replied to your post. That should be helpful in itself, but if it isnt...take the necessary steps to make sure that your life is worth living. There are things out there that can help. :)
I'm not currently on any medication. I'm trying self-help techniques that I pick up on forums and online. Some work...some dont...some are okay. Its time consuming and ridiculous, but its going to be worth it.
I hope that you're feeling better. :)

[lizard0921]

I totally agree! I feel like I have to put up a fight with anxiety everyday of my life without medication :(

[AnFiach]

Amen. I hear you...