Why do people feel the need to...?

[str8trippin]

I'm really at a loss to try and understand why people (friends, not people on this forum) feel the need to offer up "advice" like it's supposed to help you feel better, when what comes out of their mouth is like giving your anxiety steroids?! I really hope this post doesn't bother anyone else, but I could use some reassurance that I'm not wrong in feeling frustrated by this.

I had been struggling with very, very, very extreme health anxiety and got to the point where I was going to bed every night fearing that I wasn't going to wake up...I was constantly afraid that something was wrong with me and I was dying. After clearing everything I could physically, I did start to feel somewhat better and was slowly able to let go of a lot of the health anxiety I was having, but I have developed a lingering fear of death. I've never considered myself to be a person who is afraid of dying, but suddenly I'm worried about it all the time. I'm always thinking about what if's (both health and non-health related), and it's starting to really affect my life and my desire to do anything. For example, I'm supposed to go camping with my friend this weekend but don't want to have to drive in the car with her (what if we get into an accident) and don't want to be away from my daughter (what if something happens to me while I'm away, or something happens at home and she needs me). I'm supposed to move next year and I've felt very conflicted about it because I'm suddenly worried about being away from my mom and something happening to her and I'm not there. Thinking about death makes me have a knot and funny feeling in my stomach, and I can feel the anxiety starting to build, and I'm horrified that I'm turning into that person that just stays home all the time because I'm afraid of everything, and that's so out of character for me, and not who I want to be.

Any any rate, back to the point...I sought out a friend to talk to last night because I was having a really rough evening and just needed somewhere to turn for reassurance, and he tells me, "Well, worst case scenario is that you sense something horrific is about to happen." O_O That is NOT what I needed to hear.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of thing with a friend or family member? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm intelligent enough to realize and understand that we can't control the things that happen in this world and that we never know what is going to happen tomorrow or next week or next year (doesn't mean the anxiety about it just goes away because I know, intellectually, that I have no control over it), but why would you say that to someone who has just explained the anxiety they are going through? Do they really think it's productive or helpful? It's so not.

[loopylou]

I know what you mean. When I tell certain people that I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and try to explain my very big fear of death they tell me "well the worst that can happen is you die". I mean WHY???? Or they tell me things that have happened to people they know that have resulted in death or illness, as I said before "WHY"?

[anxiousashley]

Really, the problem is that these people just do not understand what you are going through. I think they really believe they are trying to help us, but they aren't because they don't know what this is like and they don't understand how we think. I have experienced this a lot with friends and family. Even stuff like I'll say "I feel anxious right now" and I always get a "well stop" ... yeah thanks, not helping.

[str8trippin]

Really, the problem is that these people just do not understand what you are going through. I think they really believe they are trying to help us, but they aren't because they don't know what this is like and they don't understand how we think. I have experienced this a lot with friends and family. Even stuff like I'll say "I feel anxious right now" and I always get a "well stop" ... yeah thanks, not helping.

You're so right about that...people will say they get it, they understand, they know what you are going through, but it's blatantly obvious that they really have to go, considering the insensitive things they feel are appropriate to say. I mean, most of us are intelligent enough to rationalize our way through our anxiety, considering anxiety seems so often to afflict people who tend to already over-analyze things anyway, but rationalizing doesn't just make the anxiety "go away." Telling me the obvious isn't helping, and neither is telling me just to get over it! *Sigh* I don't think anyone has ill intention, it's just incredibly frustrating because you look to someone for solace and understanding and you end up having a panic attack.

[anxiousashley]

I couldn't agree more! Especially how anxiety tends to affect people who already over-analyze things. This is me to a T and I've read a lot about it and what is called the "Highly Sensitive Person" ... It is my understanding that this type of personality is prone to anxiety. And this is not a personality type of all people. I think most of the people who are trying to help us are not this type and again a reason why they can't really understand us.

[Nikki01]

Im going through the same exact thing! I have never been afraid of things or dying...but now its a constant fear that I have...I sometimes wake up in a panic thinking ok this is the day what if I get in my car and something happens...how is my son going to feel how is he going to cope? I fear going to sleep as well...I fear im not going to wake up or im going to have a heart attack and not know it....its a terrible thing to go through and I know what your feeling...my family doesnt understand and when I try to explain it they think im crazy and then that makes you feel worse as well and makes you feel like your alone and your the only one going through it but trust me your not! You can message me if you need to talk...but im the type of person to face my fears and its been helping a little...having anxiety sucks

[loopylou]

Hi nikki01 well I've suffered from anxiety for around 20 years now and you're right it does suck. I'm glad you face up to it and wish I could but if I'm honest most of the time I try to stay away from situations that trigger it. This in effect makes things worse and I'm now at the stage where I'm very limited on the areas I can travel to. How do u cope with the constant battle?

[Nikki01]

I deff understand how you feel...I have been dealing with it for the past 10years and just recently it came back with a vengeance its probably because I have gotten out of a really bad relationship where he had beat me up and tried to manipulate me...but I try my best everyday...I have to push myself and trust me its not easy to do at all...there are times where i dont even want to get out of bed but I push myself. ..you have the strength the do it...everyday try something new even if its the smallest thing that you might think is stupid just do it...your strong and you can do this...dont let the anxiety win...you can beat this

[loopylou]

Thanks for the advice, I will definitely give it a go

[solta]

Sometimes people try with good intentions to help you by saying things they think sound right. By saying "Well, worst case scenario is that you sense something horrific is about to happen" I'd guess they meant that nothing is actually going to happen. A lot of people try but they end up saying the wrong things. Sometimes its blatantly obvious that people don't even care which is why I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.

[autumnbee123]

I have the same exact fears. I have really really really bad health anxiety and its taking over my life. I still am in the midst of seeking medical help to clear up anything. And it's driving me nuts waiting for the appointments.