Cobra
08-03-2013, 07:47 PM
As I labor to rid myself of this horrible affliction, I have discovered that my mind is terribly untrained. While trying to implement Cognitive Behavior Therapy techniques and practice mindfulness, I have realized that my mind has an almost uncontrollable tendency to wander, jumping to and fro to thoughts about the past, the future, and really gruesome fantasies of sickness, injury, violence and social humiliation. All throughout the day, I brood over the unpleasant things that have happened to me in the past, imagine even more terrible things happening in the future, and relive events that have brought me shame and guilt. It's no wonder I have developed an anxiety disorder. How and when did I become such a negative person? While practicing mindfulness, I realize I very rarely daydream about pleasant, pleasurable things, or relive happy events in my life, or think about things that bring or have brought me joy in the past.
What a terrible way to experience my own life!
Today, I have tried very hard to "live in the moment" paying attention to the things I am doing, physical actions, and my sensory experiences. I have caught my mind wandering many times, all to unpleasant thoughts, and have forced my attention to turn away, or tried to regard the thoughts in a nuetral manner, telling myself "that is just a silly thought" or "the likelihood of that happening is almost zero" or "that is in the past and no longer has and bearing on the present". It has helped to keep my anxiety levels much lower than before.
It's very hard to maintain this constant mindfulness, though. It feels very strange to me, like I am existing apart from my own thoughts. I have, for so long, been a creature of instinctive feeling and chaotic thoughts. Hopefully, it becomes easier to keep up with CBT techniques and mindfulness in the future, as I get better at it. It should, as I've learned through my research that the brain actually begins to change physically in response to these techniques.
I definitely need to rewire my brain!
It's not unpleasant, but it definitely feels strange to think in this manner. To monitor my thoughts so closely, and yank on the reins when they're not behaving.
What a terrible way to experience my own life!
Today, I have tried very hard to "live in the moment" paying attention to the things I am doing, physical actions, and my sensory experiences. I have caught my mind wandering many times, all to unpleasant thoughts, and have forced my attention to turn away, or tried to regard the thoughts in a nuetral manner, telling myself "that is just a silly thought" or "the likelihood of that happening is almost zero" or "that is in the past and no longer has and bearing on the present". It has helped to keep my anxiety levels much lower than before.
It's very hard to maintain this constant mindfulness, though. It feels very strange to me, like I am existing apart from my own thoughts. I have, for so long, been a creature of instinctive feeling and chaotic thoughts. Hopefully, it becomes easier to keep up with CBT techniques and mindfulness in the future, as I get better at it. It should, as I've learned through my research that the brain actually begins to change physically in response to these techniques.
I definitely need to rewire my brain!
It's not unpleasant, but it definitely feels strange to think in this manner. To monitor my thoughts so closely, and yank on the reins when they're not behaving.