agj
08-01-2013, 12:51 AM
Hey, everyone I just want to say first how much I admire each and everyone of you all and your courage to face anxiety. Its very hard and has taught me not to judge others when you have no idea what they could be going through.
It all started In January of this year. I was starting my 2nd semester of college and my first semester had went great. Like always, I was a little nervous with my new classes and meeting new people and teachers. I have always got real red and blotchy when I was nervous or uncomfortable, however this semester is seemed to be a lot worse, happening to me in every class. I decided I had had enough, so I started researching vitamins, pills, anything to cure the redness from happening. I begged my mother to get me a doctor's appointment, but nothing was available until Feb. So I waited and was still aggravated because after a month of classes I had figured the redness would go away but it did not. I was so excited to go to the doctor hopeful I would find relief. This happened on Feb. 14 actually, and I was going to a doctor I had never been to before which I was comfortable with. When I told him the problem he said that I may have anxiety (which I had figured anyway) and this was no surprise to me. He was asking generalized questions to me and they were making me uncomfortable because the way he was asking it seemed like I was mental or something which really bothered me. He also told me I was considered over weight and it brought me down as well. Anyway, he prescribed me a generic anti-depressant 10mg which is not bad at all. I left a little discouraged but was hopeful this pill may work. The next day I was down on myself feeling bad for myself because the pill does not get in your system until 2 weeks and I have always been so impatient. I was trying to act all sad so people will feel sorry for me, and looking back I hate myself for this!!! Anyway me and my boyfriend were sitting on my bed watching Netflix (was a fighting movie but nothing bad) and it had ended and all of a sudden something hit me that was terrifying I all the sudden couldnt breathe and went straight outside to lay down but it was not getting any better. The world felt like it was coming down on me. I was breathing heavily and panicking.My mom tried to calm me down but I was so worked up. I had these bad thoughts rushing through my head. She told me to take the pill the doctor had subscribed.I went to bed that night with my mom shaking and freaking out unable to sleep. The next month was a nightmare. Everyday I was shaking having bad thoughts worse fears, I lost 15 pounds in a WEEK. Nothing could relax me. I finally went back to the doctor hoping and praying it was the pill that was subscribed that was doing this to me and they reassured me it wasnt even in my system yet. They tried another pill and it worked somewhat. But ever since that day I still have the scary thoughts with me EACH DAY!! Its been 5 months!!! I have bad days and good days but its the thoughts that are bothering me so badly I feel I will snap or something. Yes, I have been to a therapist and it was just not helping. As I look back I realize I have always had anxiety but just didnt realize it. First instance was me at 14. I had accidentally cursed at a baseball game and one of my friends mom gave me this look and I just said what your not my mom! She got very upset, and looked down on me from then on. That whole summer I worried if I would go back to school with everyone hating me. I was very down, but when I went to school everyone was fine and I was better. Another instance was the whole 2012 thing. I was worried sick for months over this happening. I would research all night making sure it wasnt true, and I had keep it with me like the whole everyone hating me situation. But it just went away and I can not remember how or when but it did before dec 2012 even came and by the time it did i was fine. Next instance was work. I had just started a job and i was very nervous as expected. I did not like it the first day and I convinced myself everyone hated me like I had a few years ago. I quit in 2 weeks and have severe anxiety afterwards feeling like a failure and actually had my first anxiety attack but I was okay the next day unlike, the one 5 months ago. So the signs are there that I have anxiety. The problems I have are accepting and realizing I can pass this like I did the other time. This time was so traumatizing I just dont know sometimes. If you all advice it greatly appreciated and thank u for reading!! have any questions ask!!
It all started In January of this year. I was starting my 2nd semester of college and my first semester had went great. Like always, I was a little nervous with my new classes and meeting new people and teachers. I have always got real red and blotchy when I was nervous or uncomfortable, however this semester is seemed to be a lot worse, happening to me in every class. I decided I had had enough, so I started researching vitamins, pills, anything to cure the redness from happening. I begged my mother to get me a doctor's appointment, but nothing was available until Feb. So I waited and was still aggravated because after a month of classes I had figured the redness would go away but it did not. I was so excited to go to the doctor hopeful I would find relief. This happened on Feb. 14 actually, and I was going to a doctor I had never been to before which I was comfortable with. When I told him the problem he said that I may have anxiety (which I had figured anyway) and this was no surprise to me. He was asking generalized questions to me and they were making me uncomfortable because the way he was asking it seemed like I was mental or something which really bothered me. He also told me I was considered over weight and it brought me down as well. Anyway, he prescribed me a generic anti-depressant 10mg which is not bad at all. I left a little discouraged but was hopeful this pill may work. The next day I was down on myself feeling bad for myself because the pill does not get in your system until 2 weeks and I have always been so impatient. I was trying to act all sad so people will feel sorry for me, and looking back I hate myself for this!!! Anyway me and my boyfriend were sitting on my bed watching Netflix (was a fighting movie but nothing bad) and it had ended and all of a sudden something hit me that was terrifying I all the sudden couldnt breathe and went straight outside to lay down but it was not getting any better. The world felt like it was coming down on me. I was breathing heavily and panicking.My mom tried to calm me down but I was so worked up. I had these bad thoughts rushing through my head. She told me to take the pill the doctor had subscribed.I went to bed that night with my mom shaking and freaking out unable to sleep. The next month was a nightmare. Everyday I was shaking having bad thoughts worse fears, I lost 15 pounds in a WEEK. Nothing could relax me. I finally went back to the doctor hoping and praying it was the pill that was subscribed that was doing this to me and they reassured me it wasnt even in my system yet. They tried another pill and it worked somewhat. But ever since that day I still have the scary thoughts with me EACH DAY!! Its been 5 months!!! I have bad days and good days but its the thoughts that are bothering me so badly I feel I will snap or something. Yes, I have been to a therapist and it was just not helping. As I look back I realize I have always had anxiety but just didnt realize it. First instance was me at 14. I had accidentally cursed at a baseball game and one of my friends mom gave me this look and I just said what your not my mom! She got very upset, and looked down on me from then on. That whole summer I worried if I would go back to school with everyone hating me. I was very down, but when I went to school everyone was fine and I was better. Another instance was the whole 2012 thing. I was worried sick for months over this happening. I would research all night making sure it wasnt true, and I had keep it with me like the whole everyone hating me situation. But it just went away and I can not remember how or when but it did before dec 2012 even came and by the time it did i was fine. Next instance was work. I had just started a job and i was very nervous as expected. I did not like it the first day and I convinced myself everyone hated me like I had a few years ago. I quit in 2 weeks and have severe anxiety afterwards feeling like a failure and actually had my first anxiety attack but I was okay the next day unlike, the one 5 months ago. So the signs are there that I have anxiety. The problems I have are accepting and realizing I can pass this like I did the other time. This time was so traumatizing I just dont know sometimes. If you all advice it greatly appreciated and thank u for reading!! have any questions ask!!