Have had agoraphobia for 27yrs.

[Brett]

Well, I sure know how it feels to live with this demon. I was hospitalized when I was only 6yrs. old because they really didn't know exactly what Panic attacks and agoraphobia were then. As like a lot of people, I made several trips to the emergency room to be told that, " nothing is wrong with you ". That irritated me very much because I knew something was wrong with me it just could'nt be identified. Agoraphobia started for me in my mid teens and I barely could stay in high school long enough to get my work and get home. It was horrible ! I am now 33yrs. old and still have a very hard time leaving town by myself . Even with my wife, going on long trips is crippling. I fear constantly about having a panic attack and not having someone there to help me. I would gladly give up an arm or a leg if that meant I would not ever have this anymore. I have been on every kind of medication they can think of but it is still there. I used to use alcohol to surpress my feelings of anxiety, and it worked. But now I am struggling with alcoholism and that just makes my anxiety 110% worse the morning after. If anyone has succeeded in getting over this, I would love to here how. I have spent most of my life worrying. Im ready to give it up and give it to God. Any insight would greatly be appreciated. Thank's and God Bless all of us who have to live like this.

[brickyard_red]

Hi there Brett. I'm so sorry to hear that this started so incredibly early for you. Like you I was able to make it through high school, but my brother didn't. He, like you couldn't face going everyday so that I totally understand.

I can't imagine the struggles you must go through on a daily basis as a man and leader of your household having to deal with all this. Just that in itself knowing that you are married, that you do take trips with your family and still deal with it all shows me and others that you are a very strong man. Don't give up, hang in there. You never know what lies around the bend. They could come up with a new med. tomorrow that would be able to help us all, or a new treatment or excercise. You just never know.

If I ever come up with anything that really works for me I'll definately share it with you and everyone else here. Hang in there and God bless you!

Cath :)

[flower29]

Hi there Brett. I'm so sorry to hear that this started so incredibly early for you. Like you I was able to make it through high school, but my brother didn't. He, like you couldn't face going everyday so that I totally understand.

I can't imagine the struggles you must go through on a daily basis as a man and leader of your household having to deal with all this. Just that in itself knowing that you are married, that you do take trips with your family and still deal with it all shows me and others that you are a very strong man. Don't give up, hang in there. You never know what lies around the bend. They could come up with a new med. tomorrow that would be able to help us all, or a new treatment or excercise. You just never know.

If I ever come up with anything that really works for me I'll definately share it with you and everyone else here. Hang in there and God bless you!

Cath :) I agree there is a part of you that knows how to beat this and is trying really hard not to fall inot a black hole and that shows stregth and courage. Focus on that strenth instead of the fear and it might help. I hope that helps i wish you the best god bless you

[Maggie May]

Hi Brett,

You said that you have tried every kind of medication there is, but I just was wondering if you have tried every single individual medication. My anxiety is medication-resistant too, but I just can't rest unless I have tried every single medication in every single category. The categories I am thinking of are SSRIs, tricyclics, beta-blockers, benzodiazepines, and anti-psychotics. Maybe this is a little bit of my OCD manifesting itself, but for the past several years I have been trying each medication, slow at first, then increasing the dose as fast as I can tolerate it until I get to the maximum dose. Me, personally, I can't give up on medication as a treatment option until I have tried every single one. They are all different, and you never know what particular med will click just right with your brain.

I'm sorry to hear that alcohol has given you temporarily relief. When you're in the middle of high levels of anxiety, it's hard to not reach for whatever works, even if it's temporary and makes you feel worse the next day. That has been my experience with alcohol, it's a love-hate relationship.

Have you been going to AA? Addiction usually makes anxiety worse, unfortunately. Some people think the anxiety can't be lessened until the addiction is managed, and others find that as they manage their anxiety, their desire to use lessens.

Have you had any luck with exercise? Don't throw anything at me, I know how annoying that suggestion can be, but for me, at least, aerobic exercise works every time. This is also a temporary solution, but if you do it every day, you burn adrenaline for that day at least.

Best of luck and determination to you, and keep us posted.

Maggie

[karmica]

I cried when I read your post Brett. I'm not sure if it was just the thought of someone having to go through this for twenty seven years, or the fear that I could end up with it for 27 years... Both of which are alone enough to bring me to tears. I feel for you so much, and I wish I could take your illness away. NO ONE deserves this, especially not for 27 years. You are such a strong person to have held in there, raised a family, and taken care of children despite your illness. I admire your strength, and I pray that you will find the help you need.

[spicegirl479]

Hey brett just read your message and it was pretty sad for me to read,my heart goes out to you.Having a hangover does affect your anxity the next day so try and cut it down.What you need to realise is, is that the world out there aint as cold and harsh as you might think .If you had a panic attack in the store do you think you are alone?and people will laugh at you? there are good people out there and no matter where u are you arnt alone realise that.I have attacks from time to time but when they come i let them come becuse over time they get smaller and smaller and i know i wont die from one.imagine you had to get in a ring and have your first fight the fear and anxiety you will feel,now imagine your entering the ring in your 30th fight do you think youl have the same anxiety?,no you wont.It aint easy situation i know what it feels like to have chest pains and migraines and a tight stomach but believe you me im sure youd rather feel these things then not live a proper life that you deserve.I dont reccomend medication,its very short term but you need to be brave as uch as you feel you dont have the will todo it you can write what u want to achieve and very, very slowly make steps towards them.take notes with you and remember your not alone out there most people are kind and caring.good luck toyou.

[Jono_aussie]

i feel you on that one brett i have the same problem i cant go nowhere outside of my hoemtown without thinking im gonna panic and no one's gonna be there to help, i stuggled with alcohol for a few years aswell to forgot the anxiety but i became A alcoholic aswell but for the last few weeks if managed to go cold turkey but i still feel anxious sorry im not much help,

[Irish]

My heart goes out to you Brett, I for one wouldn't have it in me to raise a family with my condition but after 27 years are are still strong enough to keep it going. The things that helps me are exercise and talking to family/frends. I'm avoiding medication for the mean-time and im coping alright. I'm also just back from gran-caneria (4 hour flights) and i got on pretty well on the plane, once i accomplish something like this I then try to say to myself "look im safe again, i dont need to panic here, i didnt even panic on the plane"

You should try saying thigs like "27 years ive had this and i havnt come to any harm" so why would you now.

Once again man, Your doing a great job and we all wish the best for you.

Irish.

[mgw4044]

i just wanted to say thankyou for sharing how you feel with everyone. i have only just recognised what my problem is but have not yet been diagnosed with it. i have just come to uni and i am struggling terribly. i have panick attacks every day. can't go out, have a meal without feeling sick and not being able to breathe. i have to pretend that i am fine to everyone and that is the worst thing. it was so fulfilling to know that this sight exists and to hear someone talk about how they feel and to have someone who can really understand. i need a cure and fast because i have had reoccurring symptoms of this since i was 11 which was 7 years ago. if you find a cure, please let me no. thankyou

[Bubbywu]

Hi Brett, I'm as sorry as everyone else to hear how long you've had to deal with Agoraphobia. I myself have had it for almost 18 years now. Meds don't work for me either. I was first put on Imipramine when I was first diagnosed. Was on it for 15 years until 2 years ago. After hypnotherapy help me start driving again, I used it to help me start working again. Two years ago I died at work. Just collapsed. They found out that I have a rare heart condition called Congenital Long QT Syndrome. They put me on a beta-blocker (Toprol) and said that the Imipramine I had been taking I should have only been on for a few years. It made my long beat even longer which caused a syncopal episode (passing out, heart stopped, blood pressure to nothing) Now I haven't worked for 2 years because I'm afraid it will happen again. There's no cure and eventually I'll need a defribrilator. At 37 years old that's a scary thought. Being a Bartender that doesn't drink, I've seen many many people medicate with booze. I've even had a rare glass of red wine myself at home when it's really bad. Your inner strength has gotten you this far and will continue to do so. I feel like giving up a lot too, but a friend always told me to remember that God (or ANY religion you believe) gives the toughest challenges to the strongest people because He knows they can handle it. You are a strong person that has handled it thus far, so don't stop. We are all here for you!!!

;)

Chele

[pricklyrose]

Brett,

Reading your post was one of the posts that gave me enough strength to post my own story. Thank you. I was hospitalized at a young age, 7 or 8, because they didn't know what anxiety, panic, or other things were. They wanted to blame my parents. I was born this way - and God only knows why. My mom used to say I was just "high strung", and to this day still does not believe anything is wrong with me except what I create.

Recently I have "upgraded" to other forms of expression in my illness. I will find myself rubbing my skin on my hands with my fingernails until I form blisters and bleed. If I watch a movie, I will be running for Teatree Oil when it is done. I don't do it intentionally.

Brett, I look outside through the windows and see children laughing, people talking, and see the stars at night. I want so bad to join those people. To hear why they are laughing, to experience a normal relationship with another person as much as myself. But I find that all I can do is watch through a window that is as impenatrable as steel.

Doctor's put me on meds and all I do is sleep. I have actually lived a whole life in a series of dreams that lasted a few months. I cannot explain this other than I could not tell the difference between this life and my dream life.

Anyway, if you ever want to talk, just let me know.

Regards,
Rosey

[The Healing Guy]

I am here to lend a helping hand. I am a healer. I do long-distance healing purely on a donation basis. If you are truly ready to start turning things around, just drop me a line at:

[email protected]

No strings attached. Just you and me and healing energy. Remember, you are always the real healer!

Sincerely,
Michael[b]

[Boop Boopie Boop]

Hey Brett,
When I was 8 I couldn't go to school without constant panic. I had to sit in class with an icecream container to occasionally nervous spew into. I think the worst part of it is the way that people, especially adults would treat you as a kid with separation anxiety or agoraphobia. So many times I was scolded, told to pull myself together, stop crying and given lectures on how I was upsetting my parents lives. I think that is half the reason why we are so scared that we might again panic in front of people as an adult. One thing I have learnt from my cognitive behavioral therapy is that I am not what I think someone may be thinking of me. If I do panic and people think I'm mad that doesn't mean I am mad, if they think I am pathetic that doesn't make me pathetic, if they think I am weak that doesn't mean I am. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks; it does not make a difference to the person we truly are. My mum has had anxiety all her life and has dealt with it via alcohol. In the past few years she has made a real achievement at overcoming it and I am so proud of her. You are such a strong person for dealing with this for 27 years and all the stigma attached to it. To make the choice to give up alcohol too just proves this point even more. You should be proud of yourself. Don't give up when you are doing so well :)