Panic trigger!!!

[HealingTime]

A panic trigger for me is when I say something apparently dumb or rude or insensitive without meaning to. Then my husband flips out and shuts me out saying something painful in the process. I'm feeling extremely anxious right now. I want to go to him and force him to hear me but I can't. I have to ride this out. He won't hear me and it will make things worse.

But I'm panicking. I must stay logical. Must stay calm. Must not detach from reality.

I want to get in my car or on my motorcycle and ride recklessly to force adrenaline to take over me. I don't yet want to hurt myself but if I don't keep calm that will follow.

[HealingTime]

Frick. The suicidal thoughts are approaching. Telling me I said something dumb and I don't deserve to live.

[HealingTime]

I ran around the block. I did that instead of forcing myself into a bad situation and making it worse. Frick I hate running but it was better than my alternatives.

[octopus]

No reason to be suicidal over something like that.

[Ryaan]

You obviously have an asshole husband who doesn't care nor understand what your going through, you have some crazy anxiety/depression, telling yourself any different would be a lie, you need help, And u need to seek it.


Sounds like your so called "husband" is the source of your stress, just by reading ur posts I can tell your messed up.

[HealingTime]

I am seeking help. I have a therapist and I'm on some meds.


Yes he is in asshole mode. In some ways I can't blame him. In some ways I wish he'd get over it.

Point being he hit a panic trigger. I came back from my run mad at him not myself. That felt better. He did freak out over something simple and that is a trigger. And it triggered a panic attack but I didn't do my normal mojo and for that I'm proud. If it ends up in divorce I'll know I did what I needed to do to change and I'll be stronger

I'm about to go to the gym. Feeling like this usually has be unable to get out of the car or hiding in a stall instead of working out but I'm going to try to be stronger than that today.

[HealingTime]

Ok I'm IN the gym doing triceps. I forgot to take caffeine and I didn't sleep more than an hour at a time all night. Frick.