rachaelsophie
07-20-2013, 02:59 PM
Hi allI am new to this place and this is the first time I have ever looked for help for a problem I've had for most of my life. I just can't cope with it anymore and I'm hoping that someone will be able to point me in the right direction so I can change my life.For as long as I can remember I have suffered with fear of so many things. The main one is that I get scared of ghosts on a night time. I've never watched anything supernatural or had any experiences I can think of that have triggered this but this is my main fear. As a child I would make my mum stay awake in my bedroom with me until sometimes 2am until I could fall asleep and it would cause such arguments in my family because we were both sleep deprived. At some age I managed to sleep on my own in a room but I'd never sleep without someone in the house.*At the age of 17 I met a man and had a good relationship. I quickly fell into the comfort of having him to sleep with every night. I quickly found a lot of fears in the relationship. What he was saying about me, if he was cheating, if he was planning on leaving me. He saw me as desperate because he knew I was desperate for him not to leave especially after we got a home together. When he went on nights out I would sit up waiting for him to come because I couldnt sleep without him. I fell pregnant and he left me. I became very ill and was admitted to hospital. When I left hospital I moved in with my sister so I could always sleep knowing she was around.*Through my pregnancy I was petrified my baby would die so I constantly went to hospitals for checks.*When he was born I was petrified he would die. To be honest I was so sure during my pregnancy I would loose my son that I never really believed I would have a baby. When he was born I didnt believe he would live so I always prepared myself. It's a horrible feeling.*I moved back into a home for me and my son and chose a second floor apartment as I feel its less likely to be broken into. Im still really scared that I will be broken into though.My sons dad had very little to do with me during my pregnancy but now he is back in our lives every day. I have to beg him to sleep over because when he does I can easily sleep all night. We do have a good relationship when it comes to our baby but he gets away with doing really bad things and treating me badly because he knows I cant stand being on my own.when he doesn't stay over I sit up watching tv u til 4 or 5am vecause I'm scared of ghosts or being burgled or someone throwing something through my window. Just anything really. It's only bad at night though. I don't feel anywhere near as bad through the day. The slightest noise makes me jump at night and my heart starts racing and my body goes tight.I'm so scared of going to the doctor in case my son is taken away from me. Thats now one of my main fears. That he will be taken away from me because I admit I am struggling massively to do day to day things.I dont leave the house without a friend or his dad because I have such little motivation. I'm so emotional I always feel unwell.*I'm just tired all the time. I want to be a better mum and be able to take my baby to the shops or the park.*Please can anyone give me any advice?*I have been like this all my life and I want to get better. I cant imagine being able to stroke a dog without being petrified of it attacking me. Or to just go to bed at a normal time without being petrified. I can't imagine that hallening. I just want to be normal. My babies dad doesn't support me he says it my problem not his. I even have sex with him just so he stays over.I'm so desperate to be normal please help me.