serendipity34
07-19-2013, 07:27 PM
I'm a high-strung individual.
I'm a college sophomore who's essentially incapable of maintaining too many close relationships. If I say one wrong thing, I will panic and freak out-pacing, heart racing, OCDing as if I've taken an amphetamine. So I just appear cold to most because I keep my distance, even though I try to be friendly. It's usually short-lived. I've dropped English classes because they're discussion-based, and I'm terrified of sharing my opinion in a group setting. It has never happened voluntarily, I'll tell you that. I hardly even require sleep, and I'm continually restless. I don't sit still. Even if I seem like I'm functioning, I sometimes find my myself somewhat nauseated in social situations. I'm healthy and workout some, but I can wake up with a resting pulse of 100-175. I struggle with eye contact. Most don't really see the anxiety unless I state it directly, but it's always there; they just assume I'm sort of cold/aloof. I was agoraphobic as a kid and had an eating disorder as well as pretty regular panic attacks, and though this isn't a problem now, I still struggle with anxiety/depression.
Sometimes I've gotten confused about things I've done for ages- for an example, forgetting the location of a class that I regularly attend. I can feel all right and even optimistic but then will completely flip due to a minor problem that I perceive as a terrible thing. I'm pretty paranoid in social situations and tend to believe people dislike me for one reason or anything. I have "bipolar" confidence in terms of myself and my future which usually starts reasonably high at the beginning of the day, though it depends, and takes a nosedive later in the day. I can't commit to anything in terms of courses or a career path. I have interests, and at times I feel as if I'm figuring it out, but my mind is so scattered. I can go out, feel pretty confident and good, receive a message I perceive as negative, and then I act like a manic jumping bean. I have to get out; I have to move. More restlessness. Who needs the coffee?
This problem extends to coursework...I'm too anxious to focus. I have to work so hard to absorb information. I'm an intelligent individual, but sometimes the words on a page tend to evade me. I can't narrow my thoughts down. I can't take a test without feeling nauseated. I can talk to close friends, but with strangers, it always depends. I feel suffocated as a group is augmented and as time goes on. I tend to crave a break from others but then feel lonely in solitude. I've taken Prozac, but that served essentially no purpose but to mute me emotionally. Prozac+ Buspar just made me act as if I was manic. I felt good, for a change, for about three days and started writing again, but then I completely flipped over something small. I cannot cannot calm down. It very rarely goes away for a moment. It's killing me.
Any ideas? Does anyone else have these tendencies?
I'm a college sophomore who's essentially incapable of maintaining too many close relationships. If I say one wrong thing, I will panic and freak out-pacing, heart racing, OCDing as if I've taken an amphetamine. So I just appear cold to most because I keep my distance, even though I try to be friendly. It's usually short-lived. I've dropped English classes because they're discussion-based, and I'm terrified of sharing my opinion in a group setting. It has never happened voluntarily, I'll tell you that. I hardly even require sleep, and I'm continually restless. I don't sit still. Even if I seem like I'm functioning, I sometimes find my myself somewhat nauseated in social situations. I'm healthy and workout some, but I can wake up with a resting pulse of 100-175. I struggle with eye contact. Most don't really see the anxiety unless I state it directly, but it's always there; they just assume I'm sort of cold/aloof. I was agoraphobic as a kid and had an eating disorder as well as pretty regular panic attacks, and though this isn't a problem now, I still struggle with anxiety/depression.
Sometimes I've gotten confused about things I've done for ages- for an example, forgetting the location of a class that I regularly attend. I can feel all right and even optimistic but then will completely flip due to a minor problem that I perceive as a terrible thing. I'm pretty paranoid in social situations and tend to believe people dislike me for one reason or anything. I have "bipolar" confidence in terms of myself and my future which usually starts reasonably high at the beginning of the day, though it depends, and takes a nosedive later in the day. I can't commit to anything in terms of courses or a career path. I have interests, and at times I feel as if I'm figuring it out, but my mind is so scattered. I can go out, feel pretty confident and good, receive a message I perceive as negative, and then I act like a manic jumping bean. I have to get out; I have to move. More restlessness. Who needs the coffee?
This problem extends to coursework...I'm too anxious to focus. I have to work so hard to absorb information. I'm an intelligent individual, but sometimes the words on a page tend to evade me. I can't narrow my thoughts down. I can't take a test without feeling nauseated. I can talk to close friends, but with strangers, it always depends. I feel suffocated as a group is augmented and as time goes on. I tend to crave a break from others but then feel lonely in solitude. I've taken Prozac, but that served essentially no purpose but to mute me emotionally. Prozac+ Buspar just made me act as if I was manic. I felt good, for a change, for about three days and started writing again, but then I completely flipped over something small. I cannot cannot calm down. It very rarely goes away for a moment. It's killing me.
Any ideas? Does anyone else have these tendencies?