Big ol' anxiety knot....

[HealingTime]

During the (hopeful) healing process with my husband, he has to get stuff off his chest. It's so hard to hear him tell me what he thinks I've done wrong, but it's healing for him to say it and for me to acknowledge hearing it and telling him I understand.

But my god does it cause me to be so anxious. This is a time I need to work on coping skills. My anxiety is telling me to defend defend defend. Tell him why I did what I did and tell him I'm not a bad person and tell him to let me make mistakes and tell him I meant no harm. But I can't do that. He's tired of excuses, I think he just wants to be heard. So I have to tell my anxiety to shove it, he has valid points and he's understandably fed up let him get it out. It doesn't MEAN you are a bad person it doesn't MEAN he hates you.

But it's not working. My anxiety knot is huge and with every breath it pulses bigger.

Suggestions?

[str8trippin]

My counselor gave me this the other day about Progressive Muscle Relaxation. Don't know if you may have already tried it, but it helps me tremendously to relax and refocus throughout the day. As you do it, breath in all the positive energy and strength you need, and breath out the negative...get rid of it...send it away.

http://www.amsa.org/healingthehealer/musclerelaxation.cfm

Be patient with yourself in this process. You're actually in a good position, as you're obviously aware of some of the things you need to do in the situation. You are seeing his point of view, and that's a positive thing. And yes, while he needs to vent and be heard, he also needs to be open to your point of view and try to be understanding of the struggles you are facing as well. That may take him time, but give it the chance. Be respectful and understanding of his process while you go through your own and eventually, maybe you will meet a crossroads.

[HealingTime]

I had a therapist try it once on me, I'll try it again, thanks for the link!

My therapist told me everything we do is a dynamic. And the dynamic we have created is not healthy but it can be changed to be more healthy. In this situation I am aware that I get defensive because of the frustration I hear in his voice. The frustration is also in anticipation of knowing I'm going to get defensive. Vicious circle. I understand that if I stop getting defensive (which shuts down my ability to HEAR him) he will eventually stop anticipating it and the frustration will die as well.

Gonna go read that link, thank you!