Sad.

[Hannah_28]

My story: I was ok when I was younger shy and eccentric but ok. It was only as I got a little older I realised I was ugly and that people judged you for being different. All I ever wanted was to b included and have friends not to b shouted at and called names in the street by complete strangers all because of the way I looked. This continued to happen but I continued to try and to care what ppl thought thru everywhere I've worked everywhere I've been I've been judged on this and it's definitely affected who I am and how I've acted, we accept the love we think we deserve. Scared to go out and face these comments I began to develop social anxiety and ocd a coping mechanism I guess but it only made things worse in the long run. I kept trying to go out and lead a normal life but things never changed and I have now given in to people's desire i rarely go out only to work which again makes me worse and I no longer care enough to try. It's sad and I often cry but the fact is the battle is over I used to care and want something for myself I now realise that I'm never going to achieve this what I once was has been eroded away and I'm now just playing things out until they're over I've failed at normality I'm done. They've won. I hate it all and how it affects me. At least it will soon be over. I wish it had been different.

[em1]

Hello Hannah I'm sorry you have had a rubbish time,some people can be so shallow why it comes to the outside that they never get to know the person on the inside,you could be the most Beautiful girl in the world but if you have a Crappy Personality then you are worth nothing in my Opinion the inside bad who you are as a
Person is what counts,this forum is a gr8 place to chat to people and let them know how you feel,please don't feel like it's the end there's allways a way back there's allways a new day and a new start,your more than this way of thinking,you are Important your worth so much never forget that :)

[Hannah_28]

I've lost all confidence in myself and my ability to be around ppl I know ill never be able to form a proper relationship with anyone as my ocd and anxiety will get in the way and I know ill never b good enough I just don't care anymore I want for nothing but to b alone at least no1 can say anything about my appearance or weirdness then.

[raggamuffin]

Be worth speaking to your local doctor and ask about therapists nearby. You needn't live with ocd and anxiety. When people bully and tease for so many years this drastically affects confidence. These ill feelings will often manifest themselves in depression or anxiety. But these are treatable and things can get better.

Ed

[Hannah_28]

I've been to docs repeatedly over the years last time I was told the list for counselling was too long and no point getting on it I kid u not.

[raggamuffin]

Speak to another doctor. Some are more helpful than others and some can be pretty useless. Don't quit until you get the help you need.

Ed

[Hannah_28]

Can't help but think even docs don't think it's a real illness if they can't see it.

[raggamuffin]

It is real, OCD and anxieety are very real. but like I said, some doctors can really be useless. I visited all my GP's in my surgery before settlign on the one I felt was most helpful. As with everything this takes time.

Ed

[Hannah_28]

I always struggle with telling ppl even docs the whole truth I'm good at putting up a front and pretending I'm comfortable around ppl it sometimes slips and this is not fun hence my need to cover things up if people really knew how crazy I am they'd never talk to me.