First post, don't know what to do

[brooks06]

Hey, I am twenty-one and need some advice before I decide on how I should handle my situation. I first suspected I suffered from anxiety when I was younger and would stress out so much whenever I was assigned homework or tests. As soon as I was given an assignment I had to complete it that night...I couldn't stand knowing I had something I had to do. It worked fine in middle and high school; however, when I got to college I realized some of the assignments were too difficult to complete in one day, but I still had to try. I would stay up for hours writing 12 page research papers that were just assigned that day...it didn't matter how difficult the assignment was, I just had to finish it or at least the majority of it before I could truly enjoy myself for just a day. I found myself frantically writing papers that weren't due for weeks just to ease my mind. I told me parents about it but they just said that it was a good quality to have...to be able to complete assignments like that. They told me I was ahead of the game, and even my friends from school told me they wish they were that motivated. I knew; however, that I wansn't writing these papers because I was academically motivated, in fact I hate school, I just couldn't stand knowing I had deadlines.
My other anxiety problem is one I have never talked to anyone about. It didn't really start until I was 14 and went to visit my dad over christmas break. My parents have been divorced since I was five and every chritstmas and summer I would fly to see him. Well, this particular year my plane lost oil pressure and started shaking and making crazy noises. I had always had a slight fear of flying, despite the fact that my dad flew attack helicopters in the marine corps, so this was a nightmare come true. The plane started rapidly loosing altitude and began circling this tiny runway somewhere in georgia. We circled the runway for over an hour I guess to burn fuel before we finally landed on a smal airstrip surrounded by fire trucks and amulances. Ever since that day I have refused to get onto an airplane. In fact, just thinking about or hearing airplanes fly overhead sends me into a panic. This incident also created other issues for me. I realized how quickly life could end and began constantly worrying about my family anytime they went on trips. As I got older I began dating a girl who I have now been with for over three years. Well, she is flying to Florida this fall and then to Europe over Spring break...this is only the second time she will have traveled on an airplane since we have been together and I am already freaking out. It doesn't matter what I am doing, I just can't stop thinking something is going to happen. I am deeply afraid the plane will crash and as it gets closer and closer to her trip the thoughts get harder to ignore. I just can't imagine my life without her and these fears are just too difficult to constantly think about. And its not just with flying...last year the doctor thought my little brother had cancer. He had to get three biopsies and the weeks it took to finally clear him of any possible cancer were the worst weeks of my life. I found myself constantly doing research and was preparing for the worst. Once again I found myself thinking about losing him and it was just unbearable...I knew I couldn't function knowing anything was wrong with him. Even after he was cleared it was still a thought that was always in the back of my mind. I just keep thinking what if the doctors missed something...I am strong enough to keep these thoughts to myself, but as I get older and experience more I am afraid I will only get worse. What should I do? I don't even know what type of anxiety this could be or why I just woke up one day and started feeling anxious...I used to be fine but it gets worse every year...please, give me any possible advice. I need it now more than ever.
thanks

[CallMeCrazy]

I think it's good that you try to get assignments done as soon as possible but you take it to the extreme. You should just try to break it up over a few days and relax! About your fear of flying - I know flying can be a scary thing, especially after you were on a plane that had engine trouble. I went to school for, and have a degree in aviation maintenance. Although I don't work in that field I can assure you that air planes are as safe as they possibly could be. To work on any aircraft, no matter how big or small, you have to take numerous tests and be certified by the FAA. They don't just let some off the street mechanic touch airplanes. They only use top quality parts and go through all kinds of inspections. If your car went through a comparable maintenance schedule it would never break down. Airplane crashes are freak accidents. You're more likely to be struck by lightning. That's a fact.

[RichB]

you should check out fearofflyinghelp.com.

[ImatypeA]

Wow - you have a lot of stress in your life. I am very sorry to hear about your struggles and glad you have reached out.

With regard to deadlines - you and I are opposites - no deadline gives me extreme stress. I can't motivate myself to get something done if it is open ended and then it hangs over my head. I flourish with fire drills. In college though long off deadlines required me to structure my approach and plan - the pressure helped me complete the task. I just made sure I really structured the time: for example, if I had a research paper due in three weeks, I would spend week one thinking about my topic and doing some general research - in a very structured way so I felt it was productive- week two I would spilt between drafting a topic/outline, and then I would let it ferment in my brain for at least two days - I found that helpful in reorganizing or refining my points - the last week i spent drafting three drafts. When I did this (20 years ago) it helped me feel like I was making progress toward the end goal over a three week period, and I think it helped the quality of my work. Without that structure, I would have put it off until the end of week three - unlike you. Both procrastination and an immediate need to complete the work are extremes that cause great stress - and MAYBE deteriorate the quality of the work. Try structuring your time and see if you can calm your self with a written down schedule broken into small tasks that extend over the entire deadline period.

And flying - HATE IT. I flew for years without fear until (this is my 10 cent pyshcology here) I agreed to marry the wrong guy. The next month I had two bad flights and for the last ten years have been terrified to fly. The marriage only lasted five years but the fear persisted. So I suggest you look for something that was stressing/worrying you at the time of your bad flight that may have transferred into your bad flying experience.

I am happy to report that I flew on the tenth anniversary of my fear of flying and (with ativan) had a fabulous time. I do worry about my loved ones flying, but I realize I just don't want to be 'abandoned and alone'. That is the real fear - not the aircraft itself. I realize it is absolutely the safest way to travel in the world.....in my head anyway.

Best of luck -