abductodude
06-27-2013, 01:52 AM
Hello, everyone! I have not been here for almost a year, and in a way am relieved to come back. You all supported me a ton when I had my problems be fore, and I was hoping you could again.
Here is what I posted on Yahoo about a week ago.
First off, my parents do not believe I have OCD and they simply say "It's all in your head." or "You WANT to do these things." My dad has even been an assistant nurse and all that for 20 something years and won't believe. I don't want to do them. They cause me hell. Now here is what I do...
1.) She knows about it and understands, but I have a bad urge all the time too through my girlfriends Facebook and Twitter, from now to when she joined. The first time I did it was out of curiosity, and I found a lot of posts from a year ago or more calling guys cute, and a few further back calling some guys hot. She says she is mature now and made mistakes then and mostly said those things to deal with her depression, but it is hard to believe. And with that, I just feel the need to go through them and look at everything. She even deleted EVERY post on both Twitter and Facebook that had ANYTHING to do with guys, and it didn't make it any better. And when I don't do it and try and resist, I have a really bad feeling in my body. It runs through my legs, arms, neck, stomach and everywhere. And when I give into the feelings, they disappear because my body and head (mostly head) tic and jerk. Stuff like that. And we are at 9 months by the way and I love her, so please no breakup suggestions.
2.) College. Not my college, but her girlfriends college. This is less OCD, but more anxiety. I always think the worst I can about everything. She HATES things like parties, cussing, drinking, smoking, and says that she won't find anyone else attractive because she is totally loyal to me and all that. And like I said, because of terrible anxiety and stuff, I think all the time she will do partying and drinking and all that... she has sworn she wasn't, but again, it is hard to believe, even though I want to desperately believe it. She is the most trusting person I know, even more so than my siblings and parents and best friends. Again, please no comments to suggest she might or will. I just sob when I think about it, so seeing someone else confirm my stupid worries will only make me worse.
3.) I have this bad urge to set things down a certain way. Like if they don't make a certain feeling when they are set down, I have to move them and pick them up/set them down until they do. This is probably the worst urge and I do it with absolutely everything, including light switches, closing/opening doors, and more. And if I don't, again, I have bad feelings and head tics and all that.
4.) I have this terrible urge with silverware. Whenever I think about it, I have to get up and look at the silverware. So if any forks are on top of each other or locked together, I set them on the counter away from each other or something. If not, I shiver a ton and get the bad feelings/head tics.
5.) I have random head tics anyways.
6.) I cannot sit where I guy has previously sat without putting a blanket over the area, but I can sit no problem where girls had previously sat. Any resistance and stuff cause me irritation, and the same head tics and bad feelings as everything else.
All my anxiety started when a girl broke up with me two years ago. I had been trying to get her for years and I finally did for 2 months, and she left me and it turns out she only "dated me" out of pity. That was on New Years Eve 2010. In July I had my first attack, and it went down hill from there. In December after begging my parents to go to a hospital after I had a tiny tiny heart attack (I am 17) I was told by the Doctor I probably had clinical depression, GAD, SAD, and all that. I don't have attacks anymore at all, but everything else still happens. So I figure any OCD developed from all those problems over time. I am going to try and fix it by "confronting my fear" and talking to the girl who left me about what happened, to maybe clear my mind or something. We are still friends but I figure I should have a talk about what happened with her...
So help? Any suggestions? How do I resist OCD or fix it? I can't go to any doctors or professionals because of my parents, and PLEASE no breakup comments or negative comments or ones about her possibly doing those. I am freaking out right now because of the thought of it.
An update on that is I talked to my girlfriend today and showed her some links on OCD and understanding it, and she apologized for saying she was tired of hearing it. She says she will help me recover to the best of her abilities and that she knows now I can't help it and mean well, and that is great! And I don't remember if I said it earlier in that question, but I know for a fact college won't be bad. But I can't help but analyze it and kill myself over it (technical way, I mean.)
Help?
Again, no breaking up comments or anything please. I won't do it and don't believe it needs to be done at all, as there are plenty of other solutions. I think I just need to cure my problem, because I was not like this with her and her social media and all that when we started dating.
It's about 3:00 AM here so I am going to head to bed. Not sure what else to add because it is so late and I am pooped. Lol.
Thanks in advance, everyone!
Here is what I posted on Yahoo about a week ago.
First off, my parents do not believe I have OCD and they simply say "It's all in your head." or "You WANT to do these things." My dad has even been an assistant nurse and all that for 20 something years and won't believe. I don't want to do them. They cause me hell. Now here is what I do...
1.) She knows about it and understands, but I have a bad urge all the time too through my girlfriends Facebook and Twitter, from now to when she joined. The first time I did it was out of curiosity, and I found a lot of posts from a year ago or more calling guys cute, and a few further back calling some guys hot. She says she is mature now and made mistakes then and mostly said those things to deal with her depression, but it is hard to believe. And with that, I just feel the need to go through them and look at everything. She even deleted EVERY post on both Twitter and Facebook that had ANYTHING to do with guys, and it didn't make it any better. And when I don't do it and try and resist, I have a really bad feeling in my body. It runs through my legs, arms, neck, stomach and everywhere. And when I give into the feelings, they disappear because my body and head (mostly head) tic and jerk. Stuff like that. And we are at 9 months by the way and I love her, so please no breakup suggestions.
2.) College. Not my college, but her girlfriends college. This is less OCD, but more anxiety. I always think the worst I can about everything. She HATES things like parties, cussing, drinking, smoking, and says that she won't find anyone else attractive because she is totally loyal to me and all that. And like I said, because of terrible anxiety and stuff, I think all the time she will do partying and drinking and all that... she has sworn she wasn't, but again, it is hard to believe, even though I want to desperately believe it. She is the most trusting person I know, even more so than my siblings and parents and best friends. Again, please no comments to suggest she might or will. I just sob when I think about it, so seeing someone else confirm my stupid worries will only make me worse.
3.) I have this bad urge to set things down a certain way. Like if they don't make a certain feeling when they are set down, I have to move them and pick them up/set them down until they do. This is probably the worst urge and I do it with absolutely everything, including light switches, closing/opening doors, and more. And if I don't, again, I have bad feelings and head tics and all that.
4.) I have this terrible urge with silverware. Whenever I think about it, I have to get up and look at the silverware. So if any forks are on top of each other or locked together, I set them on the counter away from each other or something. If not, I shiver a ton and get the bad feelings/head tics.
5.) I have random head tics anyways.
6.) I cannot sit where I guy has previously sat without putting a blanket over the area, but I can sit no problem where girls had previously sat. Any resistance and stuff cause me irritation, and the same head tics and bad feelings as everything else.
All my anxiety started when a girl broke up with me two years ago. I had been trying to get her for years and I finally did for 2 months, and she left me and it turns out she only "dated me" out of pity. That was on New Years Eve 2010. In July I had my first attack, and it went down hill from there. In December after begging my parents to go to a hospital after I had a tiny tiny heart attack (I am 17) I was told by the Doctor I probably had clinical depression, GAD, SAD, and all that. I don't have attacks anymore at all, but everything else still happens. So I figure any OCD developed from all those problems over time. I am going to try and fix it by "confronting my fear" and talking to the girl who left me about what happened, to maybe clear my mind or something. We are still friends but I figure I should have a talk about what happened with her...
So help? Any suggestions? How do I resist OCD or fix it? I can't go to any doctors or professionals because of my parents, and PLEASE no breakup comments or negative comments or ones about her possibly doing those. I am freaking out right now because of the thought of it.
An update on that is I talked to my girlfriend today and showed her some links on OCD and understanding it, and she apologized for saying she was tired of hearing it. She says she will help me recover to the best of her abilities and that she knows now I can't help it and mean well, and that is great! And I don't remember if I said it earlier in that question, but I know for a fact college won't be bad. But I can't help but analyze it and kill myself over it (technical way, I mean.)
Help?
Again, no breaking up comments or anything please. I won't do it and don't believe it needs to be done at all, as there are plenty of other solutions. I think I just need to cure my problem, because I was not like this with her and her social media and all that when we started dating.
It's about 3:00 AM here so I am going to head to bed. Not sure what else to add because it is so late and I am pooped. Lol.
Thanks in advance, everyone!