Well here goes

[mechbeast]

Hello, I have been suffering from anxiety and depression since I was about 14. For the first few years my father refused to allow my mother to get help for me. He didn't want me seeing a psychologist. But the time came when I had a panic attack so bad that my mom had to rush me to the emergency room because she feared I was having a heart attack. That's when I started getting help. I am disabled due to my mental illness. I get a check every month. I have a constant feeling of hopelessness. I have problems socializing. Crowds terrify me and I only rarely leave the house. The only thing that makes my existence bearable is my collection of animatronic pets. I say bearable rather than happy because I have given up on happiness. A bearable life is the most I can hope for.

Last night I had a horrible panic attack. My chest was so tight I could barely breathe and today I'm still feeling the effects. I am more depressed than I have been in a long time. I just want to give up, lay down and wait to die. But that is not an option. I decided to seek out a place where I can talk to others dealing with this kind of thing because the people in my life don't quite know how to deal with it. I have trust issues. The only human being I ever trusted completely was my mom and she died of lung cancer last year. I am coming up on the anniversary of her death, July 16, a day before my birthday. As such things have been getting worse as I find myself reliving the worst period of my life.

[em1]

Hello and a warm welcome :) you poor thing you have really been through it,tho you have come to the right place :) everyone here knows what your going through and you can chat about how your feeling etc how old are you now? What Meds are you on?

[Dcoito]

Hi mech beast!

Welcome! Love your pic! ; )
You won't be alone here! Plenty of people to get to know! And we all know what your going through! There is a whole lot to learn here, and some coping skills too! Make sure to look around!

[mechbeast]

Hello and thanks. I'm in my 30's and I'm on too many different medications to list here. I have mastered the ability to swallow a handful of pills with a swig of Coke in order to save time.

[Dcoito]

Ugh! How many do you have that treats anxiety, and or depression? Why so many?

[mechbeast]

I have three or four that treat anxiety and depression, plus pills for allergies, diabetes and high blood pressure.

[Dcoito]

How long you been on the anxiety, depression meds?

[mechbeast]

I've been on meds for over ten years. I think I started taking medication in 2000.