New to the forum- Relieved to find it

[austin38]

Hello, I've been looking for a place that I can talk to other people with anxiety...I'm relieved to find this place (sigh of comfort). A little background: I'm 26, female, my mom has some general anxiety and I assume that's where I get mine. I had a very pleasant childhood, was pretty rebellious from the ages of 16-21, and at 21 I moved to another state on my own to start a new life. I did just that, and matured in every way possible. I should also mention that I take a low dosage of Adderall daily (have been for years). Anyways, I just suffer from generalized anxiety and it's pretty awful. I wake up with a feeling of fear for the day- even when I have nothing at all to do that day. I also just worry and worry and worry about things that have not and probably will not happen. I attribute a lot of this for living away from home for so long. I had a LOT of anxiety while I lived away- a lot because I have such amazing parents that will do anything and everything for me....I think I also feel very guilty for things I did in my past. I was so horrible to my parents when I was a teenager. I betrayed their trust so so many times. I got a DWI, which they paid for. I was never pleasant to be around.....just horrible. I have to reiterate that I have done a complete 180 since moving away. Our relationship is AMAZING now. Now that I've moved back, I don't talk to any of my old friends, and I just stay in every night, and hang out with them every day. I found another place to live (here in the same town) and I will move out next week, but our relationship will stay strong. I literally moved back to be with them. Anyways I guess I just want to see what anyone's feedback is....how to overcome and come to terms with a nasty past. I don't like to have regret but I know that's what my anxiety stems from. It's like a feeling of bad karma: I know I was bad back then, so surely something bad is going to happen to me now. I also have a paralyzing fear of my parents dying...which is of course inevitable but I spend way, way too much time worrying about it. : / Your thoughts are appreciated. Thank you.

[str8trippin]

Hey! Welcome to the forum...I'm pretty new to it as well, and I was also very glad to find it...in the short time I've been on here it has given me a lot of reassurance...even just knowing I'm not alone in the things I'm going through!! I'm also 26, female, and can relate to a lot of the things you were saying. I worry about something happening to my Mom for sure...not to be cliche, but she is my rock. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. I lost my Dad in 2007 and that has been one of the hardest things I've ever experienced...I was so close to my Dad, so not having him has been incredibly difficult, all though I feel like it has brought my Mom and I closer together in some ways. If you ever need to talk, feel free to shoot me a message...just know there's other people here who definitely understand what you are going through!!

[austin38]

Hey! Welcome to the forum...I'm pretty new to it as well, and I was also very glad to find it...in the short time I've been on here it has given me a lot of reassurance...even just knowing I'm not alone in the things I'm going through!! I'm also 26, female, and can relate to a lot of the things you were saying. I worry about something happening to my Mom for sure...not to be cliche, but she is my rock. I honestly don't know what I would do without her. I lost my Dad in 2007 and that has been one of the hardest things I've ever experienced...I was so close to my Dad, so not having him has been incredibly difficult, all though I feel like it has brought my Mom and I closer together in some ways. If you ever need to talk, feel free to shoot me a message...just know there's other people here who definitely understand what you are going through!!

Hey thanks for the quick response : ) That's awful about your dad, I'm sorry. I can understand because my dad and I are very close. I try to put things like that out of my mind, my mom says there is no sense in worrying about things that haven't happened yet. On another note, not that I swear by astrology or anything, but I am a Pisces and Pisces are just very known for being withdrawn and emotional. I am a very sensitive person and I think I just feel everything very deeply. I don't know if I should seek anti-anxiety medication or not...I mean it's not debilitating or anything. I still do all the things I like to do and lead a generally happy life. But I just always (most of the time) have an underlying feeling of....dread? That's not the word though...just an anxious feeling. About NOTHING really. Anyways, have you done anything that has worked for you?

[str8trippin]

Right now I'm working through it on my own. I've been prescribed medications...Xanax, Paxil and Ativan...but I'm extremely uncomfortable taking them so I haven't. I'm in the process of seeking out counseling, but haven't found someone I'm really comfortable with, so I've just been coping...I've been using a lot of relaxation techniques...massage, Reiki and yoga...and I feel like that has been helping me to get my feet back on the ground and feel more clear headed. I've just been working to STOP a lot of the bad habits that were causing me more anxiety. My anxiety came on very suddenly and out of the blue and I had never really experienced it before, especially not like that...and it rapidly turned from anxiety about whatever it was...not really sure what triggered it at this point...to anxiety about my health. So I REALLY had to stop focusing on the whole "what if something is wrong with me?" idea and get my head back into reality...it's really hard to do, for me anyway, considering I tend to over analyze EVERYTHING!

[Dcoito]

Hi Austin , and welcome!

You are actually in a good position to gear up, and face your fears at this point! You can never change the past! And you can never control the future! So know that! Clear your mind of all that in the past, and future, and live to be the wonderful person, daughter, friend that you are today! Write a letter of how you feel, your regrets, or anything you would like to say to your parents. You can read it to them! May make you feel so much better! And I bet they will either cry, or be happy, or both! Just go from the heart! That should take care of that! Because after that you should not let that thought re enter in your mind! Also know that you cannot change thing yet to come! I love my mom, and nana! My nana is 92 right now! And I know she will be leaving me some day soon! But I also know that god has given me soooo many years with her, and I am grateful of corse my nana says now being 92. She is ready, she's been saying that since she was 80 LOL. ! It's ok to think about the day they will be gone, I do and I cry too! But never dwell on it, you will miss to many good things now while they are here!
Work on reversing your thought process, turn negative thought into good thoughts!
I would say you could do this without medication! But you might want to see about CBT. Because your a deep thinker, this can help retrain the way you think!

[calimel]

Hi Austin, I know what it is like to worry about the past. But we can't live there- this i am learning and working on too. From what you say, your parents don't seem to, which is really great, and helpful to you in the process of being able to work through your guilt feelings about who you were when you were younger and work with the present. It can get better! We are so much harder on ourselves than others are many times. Often learning to be kind to ourselves is the hardest of all.

[str8trippin]

Hi Austin, I know what it is like to worry about the past. But we can't live there- this i am learning and working on too. From what you say, your parents don't seem to, which is really great, and helpful to you in the process of being able to work through your guilt feelings about who you were when you were younger and work with the present. It can get better! We are so much harder on ourselves than others are many times. Often learning to be kind to ourselves is the hardest of all.

Agreed! I've seen other people mention this in this forum before, but it seems that those of us suffering from anxiety tend to over think and over analyze things anyway, and the anxiety makes that 100 times worse! Be easy on yourself. Focus on the present instead of the past or the future.

“Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday. Holding a grudge & harboring anger/resentment is poison to the soul. Get even with people...but not those who have hurt us, forget them, instead get even with those who have helped us.” ― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

[Sole]

Hi All, Just want to say respect for sharing Austin38. I am new here too and it took me ages to acknowledge I have anxiety. Some aspects of your past are similar to mine....this forum will definitely help you. Wish you all the best, Sole