Hello

[trueblue]

I don't know where to begin... I'm anxious about even writing on here. I have been dealing with anxiety for about a decade now. I can't get any help because they label me a drug seeker because I refuse to let them fill me with unrelated meds. I lost my job 3 years ago from a breakdown and its been a steady downward spiral into the abyss since then. I haven't left the house in years and have given up in all senses. My father just died last month from lung cancer. I took care of him the past year and don't know what to do with out him. Right before he died we lost one of our dogs due to seizures. It's all I can do to keep my mothers spirits up. I am in horrible shape both physically and emotionally and feel like I am on the edge constantly and ready to snap at any given moment. I can't control myself emotionally anymore and feel that I am just inches away from hurting someone. It's hard to describe but its been 10 years worth of untreated anxiety and all I have left is anger. Anger at myself and at the world. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to get my agoraphobia treated and or my head straight.

I'm out of options and with my fathers passing I feel its not too long before I'm homeless because I can't get out and get a job because I can't even socialize with people on the most basic of levels. I'm so frustrated with myself and have no self esteem left and am tired of this life.

[trueblue]

Sorry to ramble... I just don't have anyone left in my life anymore to vent.

[em1]

Hello and welcome to the forum :) I've had my anxiety for over 20 years so I know how your feeling,what started yours? Why won't you go on anything that's going to help you? I was like you and only would take beta blockers which work for me very well,I've now been put on what you call Zoloft (I'm from the uk) and it's helping loads :)

[Vickyclare]

Hi True blue! Im really sorry to hear your going thro a terrible time. Im new to this forum and I also have been suffering with panic and anxiety for the last 8 years. I recently had a breakdown and was hospitalised for 2.5 weeks, this left me extremely traumitised and I also would not leave the house. I have two small children aged 3 and 8months so this has proven to be a big problem. I'm still going thro a tough time but I am on medication and I'm getting a lot of support through councellors and therapists. Please dont rule out medication, if you start them it doesnt mean you will be on them forever and if it cant get any worse why not give them a try. They wont solve all your problems but they will help you to cope with them a bit better. Xxx

[em1]

Hi True blue! Im really sorry to hear your going thro a terrible time. Im new to this forum and I also have been suffering with panic and anxiety for the last 8 years. I recently had a breakdown and was hospitalised for 2.5 weeks, this left me extremely traumitised and I also would not leave the house. I have two small children aged 3 and 8months so this has proven to be a big problem. I'm still going thro a tough time but I am on medication and I'm getting a lot of support through councellors and therapists. Please dont rule out medication, if you start them it doesnt mean you will be on them forever and if it cant get any worse why not give them a try. They wont solve all your problems but they will help you to cope with them a bit better. Xxx

Hello vicky I'm to a mum so I know how hard this must be on you,I'm here if you need to chat,and also for everyone on here,I've had Anxiety for years so I know how everyone's feeling

[Megpie4525]

I'm new to this to and just added myself last night. I've gotten to where I can't leave the house either and my husband really doesn't understand. If anybody needs someone to talk to, I do to!!

[Vickyclare]

My hubbs the same. He just doesnt understand and hes loosing patience with me.xx

[Megpie4525]

My hubbs the same. He just doesnt understand and hes loosing patience with me.xx

Yeah instead of helpin me like I do him or maybe kinda try findin out about it, he talks down to me bc he doesn't understand it. It doesn't help at al!

[trueblue]

Hello and welcome to the forum :) I've had my anxiety for over 20 years so I know how your feeling,what started yours? Why won't you go on anything that's going to help you? I was like you and only would take beta blockers which work for me very well,I've now been put on what you call Zoloft (I'm from the uk) and it's helping loads :)

Back in 2004 I had an incident where 2 strangers jumped me and beat me into an inch of my life. The person I was with left me behind as he ran away. I stumbled down the road and passed out on someone's porch. I awoke covered in blood, head swollen like a lumpy watermelon, a broken nose and concussion. I walked for about an hour and a half to a pay phone while concussed in the middle of the night around 4 to 5 am.

Ever since then my anxiety and depression has gotten worse and worse. The symptoms have changed throughout the years and this past year or two has been nothing but anger, frustration and uncontrollable emotions.

I won't take their meds because they want to put me on all sorts of bullshit that I don't need and will most likely make me worse or chemically imbalance me enough to push me off the edge I feel that I am always on. They want to put me on blood pressure, anti depressants, anti schizophrenic, even wanted to try electro convulsive therapy! They want to try to treat everything but the actual anxiety. I just want my anxiety treated so I can actually get out of the house and start living again. I can't even pursue doctor visits because of the anxiety of the whole bureaucratic nonsense. The only thing that has ever worked for me is the benzo family and everywhere I have went wont prescribe it to me because I get labeled a drug seeker.

I am so damn fed up with the system and this way of living it just seems like I am not meant to be a part of this world. My state of mind right now is so exhaustingly negative and surreal it feels like I am a prisoner in my own body and mind. I just can't go on like this anymore.

I have tried to have myself committed on 3 separate occasions when I have felt like I could harm myself or some one else. And they refuse to help me. Every doctor tells me the only way to get myself committed is to hurt someone else or myself. I mean, is that what it's going to take? Is the only hope for me a mental ward or a prison? The rate everything is going after my fathers death and the decrease of income Into the household, I'm going to be homeless this time next year if I can't get help to be able to rejoin society and get a job.

I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm trying to get a medical card to seek help but in order for that to happen I have to get disability from social security.

So basically I have my first social security doc appoint tomorrow at 9 am. I am just going to get refused for disability and no foreseeable help in sight.

I just don't know what to do anymore and found this app on my ipad. I have no more friends left and haven't stepped out of the house in years so I have literally no one left to talk to anymore.