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View Full Version : new step-kids and anxiety??



brittany32888
06-20-2013, 03:40 PM
For the past several months I have felt better than I have in several years. Moved to a new house, better location. Have been pushing myself to experience new things and do things that would usually trigger anxiety. I would put my anxiety level at like a 3... and that wasn't even constantly, like before. But then......... I was thrown a huge curve ball.
My partner of 5 years, has 2 pre-teens from a previous marriage, that he has fallen out of contact with until 2 days ago. And it's great, I've always encouraged him to reunite with them, I support this 1000% BUT I have found myself scared shit-less. I'm completely anxious, here at home, not knowing what to do. It's not like they are going to all of the sudden move into our home and become mine to care for, but it is inevitable that they will visit at some point, and I feel helpless. I have no idea what to expect. I am 25 years old and am by no means old enough to be their natural parent. What if they hate that? What if they don't view me as an adult? What if they resent myself and my son for taking their dad from them? So many emotions and thoughts, It's completely overwhelming. I finally felt in control of my life, and like I could do what I wanted and needed without 45 minutes of panicking before-hand. But now I don't feel so secure anymore. This situation is out of my hands, I no longer make the calls. What if I can't kick this anxiety and it keeps these new relationships from happening as they would naturally?
On another note, all of this has been something my partner has been waiting for, for as long as I have known him. It is a blessing and an answered prayer. I am so happy for him, and enjoy seeing his face light up when speaking of his kids.... So how can I bring my issues up with him, without him feeling robbed of this huge moment in his life? I want him to know how I feel, but think it may be wrong to tell him, when this is more important than my feelings. So confused....... any advice would be appreciated.

em1
06-20-2013, 03:47 PM
Hello welcome to the forum :) ok first I would like to say I was a step mum be4 I was even a mum
And I worried like you,would they blame me,will they like me etc,all of them things you don't need to worry about as they see there dad happy,my step son moved in with us at the age of 11 and he's now 22,I've been his mum more than his real mum as he don't see her anymore (her Choice) I have two children of my own now and I would not got back for the world I see it as I have three children in my life now and it's been really good,you wait and see it will all be ok

brittany32888
06-20-2013, 03:55 PM
thank-you em1, just knowing there are positive outcomes, provides relief.I definitely already have a love for them, because I love there dad very much and want to feel apart of this side of his life. But my parents divorced when I was 12, and both remarried right away, and I passionately hated both step-parents, for good reason. Even though I am nothing like either one of the people my parents married, I still fear they will hate me, and how could I ask their dad to choose me over his kids? I was separated from my father, by his choice, and have still always had that longing for him, even though I know I am better off without. I can't bear the thought of coming between a father and his children, but don't want to lose what I have now. It's really scary..

em1
06-20-2013, 04:03 PM
You won't lose what you have now,I know it's a scary time for you and it's because it's change,they will love you because you make there dad happy and your not trying to take there dad away or replace there mum you will be a gr8 step mum,you have nothing to fear :)