Teenagers....as if anxiety isnt enough

[geglilsis]

My son told me he was going to a girls house for a get together tonight then over to his friends to stay the night after. I called the friends parent and asked if he had gave him a curfew and if he was going to pick the boys up at a citrin time. His son had told him that they were walking a friend home, and would be back shortly they knew nothing about the party and if I talked to their son to tell him to get his ass home ASAP. My son insisted on staying at the party and that he was going back to his friends house at 10pm. I texted my son and told him I was coming to pick him up and he was not staying the night anywhere....
My son yelled at me the whole way home saying how I'm the only lame parent and there was 15 people there and it was stupid that he had to come home at 930pm. Problem is it is a bad part if town and walking at 10pm is not a good idea over there. Not that I did not trust him!
Him yelling at me telling me he is just not gonna answer his phone or come home tomorrow or the next night that I'm f'in stupid. Talk about anxiety attack!!! Any parent advice? He is 16 btw was I in the wrong???

[Ahlstrom]

No, you were in the right, if he doesn't pay you to stay there then he's gotta live by your rules

On the other hand I was in his situation a couple of. Years ago... Maybe cut him some slack haha, he is almost a legal adult. My mother used to be controlling and eventually let me go, and I found myself much more willing to do what she says and respect her much more.

[geglilsis]

I feel guilty for bringing him home last night however the other boy ended up staying even though his parents told him to go home. He never gets punished and his parents are not strict at all, I remember going to these houses when I was 16 and drinking, I do have to trust my son, this kid he is hanging with is just bad news and I have felt that from day one. My son says he is going to leave while I'm at work today and not come back until Saturday. He wants to go clothes shopping this weekend and go on vacation to his cousins next weekend for a week, it is hard for me to justify when he is disrespectful .
Thank you for your help.

[trinidiva]

I feel guilty for bringing him home last night however the other boy ended up staying even though his parents told him to go home. He never gets punished and his parents are not strict at all, I remember going to these houses when I was 16 and drinking, I do have to trust my son, this kid he is hanging with is just bad news and I have felt that from day one. My son says he is going to leave while I'm at work today and not come back until Saturday. He wants to go clothes shopping this weekend and go on vacation to his cousins next weekend for a week, it is hard for me to justify when he is disrespectful .
Thank you for your help.

Go with your gut and don't feel badly for doing so. Trust me, he will thank you for it later. My parents were strict and I'm so glad they were, although I couldn't see it when I was in high school. So many of my high school friends who had no curfews, no rules, no responsibilities now are having major difficulties in life and are not where they had envisioned themselves. Kids need rules and fair discipline. Disrespect should not be tolerated. Privileges are not a right, they are earned.

[brittany32888]

I remember having those kind of discussions with my mom at that age. You think you know everything, your parents are ignorant, and you should make your own rules. I definitely don't think you were wrong, there may be more effective ways to handle it. I always hated being humiliated by my parents, and afterward had no desire to hear what they had to say. Was he not honest with you about the whole thing, even though his friend wasn't with his parents? I just wanted to clarify that I didn't misinterpret that part. If, so then what exactly was the issue? Could you not have picked both of them up at 10, the time he said he was going to leave, then taken them back to the friend's house? Every child is going to have a friend, if not more than one, that would be considered a bad influence, but I feel maybe instead of trying to cut them all out completely, teach children how to differentiate between kids who are good friends, and not so good ones. It is still possible for your son to make good decisions along side someone who chooses not to. BUT aside from all of that, it is totally not acceptable for him to call you names, and tell you he won't answer his phone, that I assume you have given him... I would have taken his cell phone so he may understand it is a privilege, and one that comes with responsibility. If he's not going to use his cell phone so that he can be available for you to get ahold of, then he doesn't deserve having it. Teenagers are hard whether you have anxiety or not, my heart definitely goes out to you. Maybe it's time for you to have a serious talk, man-to-man. If he wants to be treated like an adult in his social life, then maybe he should take on more responsibility. Give him clear guidelines of what you expect from him, and reward him for doing so.
Just a thought.

[geglilsis]

Britney thank you so much for your response it made total sense and yes my son was in the right he was telling me everything correctly. I just did not want them walking downtown at that hour which is not the best neighborhood. I came to a compromise with them give them a curfew and told them I just need to know where he is and where he's sleeping and that he can't be out after curfew. He has never lied to me before so I'm hoping that he never does. As for his friend I hope that he learns That his friend is a liar and disrespectful. We ended the conversation with a compromise which I hope works well he just wanted a little freedom and for me to trust him, he wants to enjoy his summer.

[geglilsis]

I actually spoke with both of my older brothers and they both gave me the same advice that I had to let go a little bit that he is almost 17 years old now. Also that I shouldn't have to call the parents when he staying the night at another person's house I should be able to trust him and know that the parents will are there if he says they are. All part of growing up and learning lessons, And remembering what I did when I was that age

[brittany32888]

I actually spoke with both of my older brothers and they both gave me the same advice that I had to let go a little bit that he is almost 17 years old now. Also that I shouldn't have to call the parents when he staying the night at another person's house I should be able to trust him and know that the parents will are there if he says they are. All part of growing up and learning lessons, And remembering what I did when I was that age

I'm glad that you are so open to advice from people you trust(I.e. your older brothers) that plays a HUGE role in how you and your son's relationship plays out. Just keep an open mind but always use your instincts, and demand respect. How you allow your son to treat you is going to reflect how he teaches women in relationships. You have to teach him how to love a companion. Don't ever stop talking to him and he will learn to appreciate you.