I'm Charles and I'm new..

[Chuck D]

I've had 'anxious' symptoms for a long time, pretty much since childhood as my mom recalls..
I thought joining a group like this would be a good idea in order to get advice and learn from others.
Like I said, I'm Charles and I'm from California.. mid-30s.. father to one great little boy. :)

[Anxious Abi]

Welcome Charles, hope you find some helpful posts on here.
Best wishes
Abi

[Chuck D]

Thanks Abi. I love the "Creep" quote. :)
I'm not sure where this goes but here's a bit about my experience:
I'm the eldest of three, raised by a strong single mom. I remember she always worried about money. I dont really need to worry about money yet it's always 'there' in the back of my mind. She always hated checking the mail. To this day, checking the mail is pretty much the worst part of my week.
I know i have an addictive personality. I grew up an ugly duckling. I always felt less than everyone else. When I turned 18 I found the gym and fitness and all that. It changed my life, at least on a physical level. However I know a big part of that "little boy" is always inside me, no matter how I look or what people tell me. If I skip more than a day or two of my regimine I am certain I am losing ground and getting uglier. I'm pretty sure I enjoy the process but a part of me knows it's the only way to feel good about myself and keep my mind "quiet."
I was in a very abusive marriage for almost a decade. My ex would verbally berate me (often in front of our son) and occasionally would be physical towards me. She was very controlling. I was monitored most of the time. No one really took me seriously since she's tiny and I'm over 6 feet and strong.. :-/
I just tend to worry, mostly on a low level, although today and lately it has been getting a bit worse. Like I said, I hate checking the mail. I hate really windy days because I feel like my home may be damaged. My fence may fall. Roof shingles may be damaged. I hate water leaks.. I am always double checking the shower.. faucets.. to make sure they're turned off properly. Good god, the more I type of this the crazier I think I sound! LOL..
I pretty much get a new car when my old warranty expires. I pay most of my bills in advance. I hate writing checks. I have the hardest time doing the most normal of activities (like yard work, basic stuff) yet I will exercise for hours on end. I used to read a lot but I dont anymore. Somehow the silence is deafening to me. I usually have the tv on because the sound is comforting.
I guess I just always sense something is pending.. something isnt quite right. I hate it because I know it's not true. Nothing is ever really wrong-- I have a very good life. But it doesnt seem to matter. Anyhow.. I am just rambling I think. Thanks to all who read and offer help and advice.. :) I look forward to being a part of this community.

[Anxious Abi]

Hey, thank you, nice of you to notice.
It sounds like you've been through quite a lot Charles. I think we all feel a little crazy when we acknowledge how our anxiety affects us, for a long time I didn't really understand what was happening to me, I just thought I was going completely insane. You're definitely not alone with you have been experiencing. Have you ever considered seeing a Doctor about how your anxiety is impacting your life? I found Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helped me understand my condition a lot more and also helped me learn how to manage all my worry. I don't think any of us will ever be an anxiety free person, but hopefully we will learn to be in control enough to start leading a normal life.
Abi

[shaikhrahuf]

Agree with abi...