lucy91
06-18-2013, 11:11 AM
Hey guys, I'm a 22 year old girl and I've been struggling with anxiety for 4 years now. Tried several types of meds, they worked but I ended up quitting them for everytime I left them or reduced the dosage, all of my symptoms came back and I decided to try and deal with them through therapy.
I've also tried therapy twice, I'm now 2 months in with a new therapist but not seeing great results yet. All in all, my anxiety seems to come from the fact that I'm having trouble dealing with not being a child anymore and having to be a responsible adult. I have mixed feelings towards this, sometimes happy to be independant, sometimes afraid I might never really grow to be a stable, strong and self-sufficient adult. I question my life choices daily and I'm never sure I'm doing the right thing. I wish for a rolemodel all the time but unfortunately I have no siblings, relatives or older friends who I might look up to. This makes me feel lost, like I'm trying to find my path in the dark.
Also, I used to have extreme social anxiety which caused me to arrive at 22 without any lasting friends. I moved cities and schools a lot, had trouble keeping relationships and even went abroad for a year when I was 19. I met some people here and there but never got to a rather close friend basis. I got a boyfriend or two with whom I had tight bonds but it all went when we broke up. For a long time I also despised people and let go of precious opportunities to meet potential friends so... I ended up alone with a boyfriend that lives away and who doesn't provide lots of support except for a phonecall at the end of the day.
Next year I'm moving abroad again to take part in a teaching program and to do my masters. On one hand this is great and I'll be a great experience as I'll live in a college residence where I'll have plenty of people my age I might be able to connect with at last and I'll have an overall precious life experience. At the same time I'm terrified I might not be able to cope. Or that I might and actually create some bonds there but eventually, when I come back to my country, find myself alone and without a friend again.
Here's a bit of a description of my symptoms: fear of not being strong enough, fear of future failure or general unhappiness, fear of everlasting loneliness, fear I'll never make friends at all, fear that when my boyfriend leaves I'll never meet anyone romantically again with whom I might be able to share my life with, fear of being broken beyond repair, fear that when my parents die I'll be completely alone in the world and not able to cope with that, fear that I might be broken beyond repair, fear of finding myself alone and miserable at age 50, fear of illness, fear of death, fear of finding myself so miserable I might one day committ suicide or live as miserable vegetable, fear that my life might not be worth living & many others along these lines. I have bouts of terror and panic when these thoughts are the most presistant and in those moments I feel like I'm falling to pieces or going crazy.
I'm mostly looking for people who might relate to these feelings, in my age range or not, or people who have been through this, recovered and who can tell me how they made it. I'd also love to find an online peer whom I could talk to often so we could both help each other out with these symptoms. If you relate, tell me!
I've also tried therapy twice, I'm now 2 months in with a new therapist but not seeing great results yet. All in all, my anxiety seems to come from the fact that I'm having trouble dealing with not being a child anymore and having to be a responsible adult. I have mixed feelings towards this, sometimes happy to be independant, sometimes afraid I might never really grow to be a stable, strong and self-sufficient adult. I question my life choices daily and I'm never sure I'm doing the right thing. I wish for a rolemodel all the time but unfortunately I have no siblings, relatives or older friends who I might look up to. This makes me feel lost, like I'm trying to find my path in the dark.
Also, I used to have extreme social anxiety which caused me to arrive at 22 without any lasting friends. I moved cities and schools a lot, had trouble keeping relationships and even went abroad for a year when I was 19. I met some people here and there but never got to a rather close friend basis. I got a boyfriend or two with whom I had tight bonds but it all went when we broke up. For a long time I also despised people and let go of precious opportunities to meet potential friends so... I ended up alone with a boyfriend that lives away and who doesn't provide lots of support except for a phonecall at the end of the day.
Next year I'm moving abroad again to take part in a teaching program and to do my masters. On one hand this is great and I'll be a great experience as I'll live in a college residence where I'll have plenty of people my age I might be able to connect with at last and I'll have an overall precious life experience. At the same time I'm terrified I might not be able to cope. Or that I might and actually create some bonds there but eventually, when I come back to my country, find myself alone and without a friend again.
Here's a bit of a description of my symptoms: fear of not being strong enough, fear of future failure or general unhappiness, fear of everlasting loneliness, fear I'll never make friends at all, fear that when my boyfriend leaves I'll never meet anyone romantically again with whom I might be able to share my life with, fear of being broken beyond repair, fear that when my parents die I'll be completely alone in the world and not able to cope with that, fear that I might be broken beyond repair, fear of finding myself alone and miserable at age 50, fear of illness, fear of death, fear of finding myself so miserable I might one day committ suicide or live as miserable vegetable, fear that my life might not be worth living & many others along these lines. I have bouts of terror and panic when these thoughts are the most presistant and in those moments I feel like I'm falling to pieces or going crazy.
I'm mostly looking for people who might relate to these feelings, in my age range or not, or people who have been through this, recovered and who can tell me how they made it. I'd also love to find an online peer whom I could talk to often so we could both help each other out with these symptoms. If you relate, tell me!