Really need your guys help here....

[danstine]

Hi Guys, I used to suffer with extreme anxiety, it was due to being rejected by a longterm girlfriend and i just destroyed myself. That was 5 years ago but i got help and i learnt to control it greatly.

I've now been living with my current girlfriend for 5 months, been together for 9 months, we have our own place together. We have a pet bearded dragon, soon to save her family dog and take her in. Things are great, we are both totally in love and i absolutely adore this girl. I would go to the end of the world for her and i could never dream of hurting her.

However, she is current at a music festival (since yesterday) and I am going there tomorrow. Except last night i learnt she smoked weed even though she told me she wouldnt because she knows how anti-drug i am. I can deal with her smoking a joint (the odd one because she is with friends at a music festival!) but then i learnt she spend alot of her food money on it. This flared up my anxiety big time and i dont know what to do. SHe knows something is up because i havent text her back but i dont want to cause another row re: drugs.

just to make it clear, she is not a druggy, this is the second incident with weed.

I dont know how to deal with this, i am so bloody anxious i really dont want to go tomorrow now because i dont want to see her, she has really let me down. I keep telling myself, "she is at a festival, with friends, let her have fun" but the broken promise and thought of her being really irresponsible and spending her food money on drugs is killing me.

my type of anxiety makes me feel like i'm going to be sick. 99% of the time i am not and it totally puts me out of my comfort zone. It really dampens anything exciting im about to do ie. go to a festival with one of my mates. But its killing me that she of all people has done this to me.

or maybe you guys can tell me i'm doing this to myself?

help please, anything appreciated.

[Sfinkxx]

Hey Danstine! Sorry that you're feeling this way. I can somewhat relate. In a sense that when I'm at home at night and my bf texts me and tells me he is out drinking with friends, I get butterflies and a queezie feelin in my stomach. Not because I don't trust him, I completely do... It's just my anxiety. I think of what he's doing and who he is with and his safety. I dont even know why. I want him to go out and enjoy life (I'm not a drinker) I'm supportive of him having fun but its like I can't help but get irritated when it happens. I honestly think that you should still go to the festival. Not going could spark a much larger argument than is needed. She is just living in the moment and probably around some peer pressure as well. Since she isn't a habitual user there isn't much to worry about. Weed doesn't distort your judgement as badly as other "drugs" do. I'd much rather my boyfriend be smoking weed than doing much rooms or acid or being belligerently drunk. So just be there and support her and ke her know you care about her even if she does make the wrong decisions sometimes. It will help build your trust in the relationship. If you freak out on her over something so petty it will likely cause her to feel like she can't be open with you. It's not the end of the world just because she's smokin weed at a music festival around a ton of other people who I'm sure are doing the same. Don't let it ruin your weekend or relationship.
Hope you feel better!

[Samantha34]

Hi Guys, I used to suffer with extreme anxiety, it was due to being rejected by a longterm girlfriend and i just destroyed myself. That was 5 years ago but i got help and i learnt to control it greatly.

I've now been living with my current girlfriend for 5 months, been together for 9 months, we have our own place together. We have a pet bearded dragon, soon to save her family dog and take her in. Things are great, we are both totally in love and i absolutely adore this girl. I would go to the end of the world for her and i could never dream of hurting her.

However, she is current at a music festival (since yesterday) and I am going there tomorrow. Except last night i learnt she smoked weed even though she told me she wouldnt because she knows how anti-drug i am. I can deal with her smoking a joint (the odd one because she is with friends at a music festival!) but then i learnt she spend alot of her food money on it. This flared up my anxiety big time and i dont know what to do. SHe knows something is up because i havent text her back but i dont want to cause another row re: drugs.

just to make it clear, she is not a druggy, this is the second incident with weed.

I dont know how to deal with this, i am so bloody anxious i really dont want to go tomorrow now because i dont want to see her, she has really let me down. I keep telling myself, "she is at a festival, with friends, let her have fun" but the broken promise and thought of her being really irresponsible and spending her food money on drugs is killing me.

my type of anxiety makes me feel like i'm going to be sick. 99% of the time i am not and it totally puts me out of my comfort zone. It really dampens anything exciting im about to do ie. go to a festival with one of my mates. But its killing me that she of all people has done this to me.

or maybe you guys can tell me i'm doing this to myself?

help please, anything appreciated.
have you told her how you feel? its very important to do that. im in a relationship to and if i dont tell mt boyfriend whats going on it just makes things worse. the only way to work it out is to talk about it. not responding to her will only make things worse.

[danstine]

Hi Guys, thankyou for your comments. She does know how i feel about drugs, she even told me she wouldnt be doing it. I only found out via twitter which she knows i can see, so i'm thinking is she out to p*ss me off? i just dont know.

i know it is petty indeed, but i feel so strongly about people i love acting recklessly. I know it must come across as controlling. I would never tell her not to do something even if it is wrong, I am in no right to tell another human what to do. but she knows how i feel about it.

my gut feeling is to ignore her texts so she knows i'm hurt and upset, but i guess that will just make the problem worse. She text me a moment ago asking what time i'm arriving tomorrow, not sure why she needs to know < see paranoia & anxiety kicking in again!

:( thanks though, your comments do help!

[Samantha34]

Hi Guys, thankyou for your comments. She does know how i feel about drugs, she even told me she wouldnt be doing it. I only found out via twitter which she knows i can see, so i'm thinking is she out to p*ss me off? i just dont know.

i know it is petty indeed, but i feel so strongly about people i love acting recklessly. I know it must come across as controlling. I would never tell her not to do something even if it is wrong, I am in no right to tell another human what to do. but she knows how i feel about it.

my gut feeling is to ignore her texts so she knows i'm hurt and upset, but i guess that will just make the problem worse. She text me a moment ago asking what time i'm arriving tomorrow, not sure why she needs to know < see paranoia & anxiety kicking in again!

:( thanks though, your comments do help!
let her kmow that she hurt you by saying she wouldnt smoke but smoked any ways. the longer you put it off the more it will build up and then you will drive yourself into more anxiety by thinking about it. maybe even ask her why she smoked when she promised she wouldnt. answers might give you some relief.

[danstine]

You see if i tell her that i'm upset, wont she feel like she cant be herself, under the thumb type thing? will she then rebel?

Is it best to reply to her message politely by saying "im aiming to get there for early evening" and leave it at that? Or wait till she texts again saying whats wrong then say "nothing, see you tomorrow". i dont know what the best thing to do is.

I want her to feel guilty, but she probably doesnt as she hasnt removed the tweets and hasnt said to me anything about the bloody weed.

[Samantha34]

you could tell her you saw her tweets and see if she says anything about it and see if she will tell you. i think if you tell her nothings wrong she will know and she will see it tomorrow when you see her. then she might get upset with you and then you have both of you being upset over both of you not being honest to each other.

[danstine]

Okay so i replied because i cant ignore her. I just said "Hi Baby hope you are having a great time, im aiming to get there about 7ish. when i see you can you not smoke the weed you bought in front of me please? I dont wanna see it. out of sight out of mind kinda thing xxxxxx"

was that okay? just making it clear that i know about it, and dont wanna see it.

[Samantha34]

that was a great way to say it nicely without being mean or trying to seem like your upset. i think you did great with what you said to her. she should understand and be ok with it i think to not smoke it when your around.

[danstine]

okay so she replied saying "i wont i promise, you dont mind do you? i love you". so i replied saying, " I love you too, i do mind but im not controlling lol, you are at a festival. see you tomorrow"

now i know i literally just gave her my blessing, but she seemed to be understanding about doing it in front of me. I'm sure this is progress isnt it? I can feel my anxiety levelling off a bit now.

[Samantha34]

yes it is progress, you did good.
off subject but that was so sweet, i was like ''aww" sorry girly moment lol

[danstine]

lol what bit exactly?

I am so anti drug its unbeleivable. All i know is, she is sitting at her tent now, smoking weed, drinking and not eating. because she spent all her money on drugs. I want to go and get her some food! Part of me jokily thinks she is only eager to see me to take my bloody food lol!

[Samantha34]

you two just seem so sweet and cute is all lol
she doesnt want to see you just for your food

[danstine]

lol, thats sweet. we really are great together. We fell in love instantly, and we wanted to move in together as soon as possible, so we bought a place together and 8 months later we are still going so great. I want the best for her, i want her to have fun, just sometimes my pet peeves with things like drugs rock the boat and i am so anxious of losing her. So i try to be as understanding as possible even if i think smoking weed is wrong, but i have to let her live.

I really really appreciate all of your help. You have done wonders!

[Samantha34]

aww :) yeah i understand. she seemed like she was very understanding. if you let her do her thing when shes out with her friends then i dont think you two will have a problem.

your welcome, always here if you need help