"Why can't you just get over it?"

[Anxious Abi]

One of things I have found most difficult suffering with anxiety is other people's attitudes towards the illness.
I have read a few other posts that mention this, "Why can't you just get over it?" line of thinking that seems to come from people we are close to.
Some members of my family don't believe in mental illness, they pose theories, suggesting I should be able to get over my problems with some act of sheer will. I often get told, "In my day there wasn't a label for everything, we just sucked it up and got on with life..." et cetera.
I've spent hour upon hour wishing my anxiety away, wishing I could stop being paranoid, wishing I didn't feel out of control, hoping that I could find something, just some way of helping myself out of this hole.
It's like unless you have experienced the intense crippling fear, the physical symptoms, the thoughts. Unless you have been through that, it's impossible to understand.
I get that it must be frustrating for somebody who doesn't really know how to help, but I think a lot of people with anxiety and related problems don't really know how to help themselves either.
Is there some way to get our loved ones to understand what it is we go through?
I don't know.
Let me know what you think.
Abi

[MainerMikeBrown]

People who think that you should just kick yourself in the butt and move on and get over it obviously don't know a thing about mental illness. Hence, nobody should go by what they say since they don't know what they're talking about.

[Lin]

My husband has not understood at all but he has had carer support in the past and was much kinder when he spoke to others living with people with illness and mental illness. He has gone through a bad patch recently and shows no sympathy - i even see hatred in his eyes at times. But my mental health nurse met with him and he is now going on two recovery education service courses this term to learn about helping me with my recovery. So there are things available for people close to you.
I find the rest of my family can't handle it at all, my sister just moans I an not myself constantly and one brother suggests I just go on holiday.
I find fiends who have had depression understand best, and people I have met on NHS courses who are ill too. Also, I have just started an evening peer support group to find people who understand to talk to.

Hope this has given you some ideas and you can access some of these things too to help you.

[Anxious Abi]

I'm sorry to hear that you're also struggling with getting your loved ones to understand.
Unfortunately some of my family members were really against the idea of going on courses to learn about my illness.
I'm starting to think instead of relying on those close to me, maybe it would be best to access support groups and forums like this to talk to people who have been there and know a bit more about what I am going through. I'll have to look into what is available in my area.
Thank you for the advice.

[alankay]

No they don't know just like I/we don't know what it feels like to be diabetic or epileptic or have migraines, etc. Yes they feel fear but their neurochemistry(if you will) keeps it from "running away" to panic/high anxiety so they figure you are no different but they don't know that they are well...................wrong.
They make the mistake of assuming you are just trying to act out or get attention because they also don't want to believe there could be anything really wrong" with you(their child, sibling, etc).
You have to start with the most reasonable one and say "just listen to me and accept what I'm saying is the truth and real". Just accept that for a moment and listen to what I'm struggling with(called anxiety) and try to convince them you are not at at lying or exaggerating and it would mean the World to you if hey did listened and believed. Mention nobody "wants "to have this problem and have to talk about it because of the stigma out there but you must. PM me anytime. Alankay

[ally]

I've read all this and can really relate, see my other post why can't I recover! I'm feeling terrible again after having a few better days, this has really knocked me back, I'm crying all the time and my husband is threatening to leave me, I can't understand why I'm feeling so bad again, I was a different person last week, I've got terrible palpitations, and I'm shaking so much it's horrible, and the nausea is back as bad as ever, I feel so scared and now I'm taking the Valium more again that's worrying me too? I was tapering off it, but I've had to take it again, I feel so lonely:(

[Anxious Abi]

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time ally, I can't imagine how hard it must be when your husband is threatening to leave. I don't have a partner so have no clue how to deal with marital situations, it obviously can't be helping you right now.
I think sometimes there is no reason for why we're feeling so bad, or there doesn't seem to be, I was sat watching TV today and all of a sudden got hit with a wave of anxiety and burst into tears out of nowhere.
You just have to remember, the shaking, the palpitations, that is the anxiety, that is just your body doing what it does, and yes it is scary, but you can get through it.
You are not alone.

[Marlow]

My parents are the most supportive people in the world when it comes to this. My dad suffers from anxiety once in a while and my mother with some depression. I seem to have gotten the rotten end of the genetic pool here as I have both. My father was laid up with back problems and with not being able to get out was suffering panic attacks and anxiety. I am sorry to hear about everyone's problems with relating to family, and I must say, this forum is the next best thing for you. Keep coming back.

Marlow