Can't tell if I'm being overly anxious...

[Ambrocious]

My job drives me insane.

I've been trying for a year to get out. One job that I actually had a chance at was given to another co-worker and friend who applied after she found out I did. I didn't think she had any interest and I shared my excitement of the possible opportunity and then she submits her resume. The better candidate one -- I try not to be bitter because it's not fair.

But, every time I see her, she tells me something else about my current job that really upsets me. I don't think she means to do it but it never ceases to happen. We had dinner Thursday and she informed me that she had got a raise and a performance bonus right before she found out she got the other job.

I couldn't help but get really upset. I've been at the same place for three years and never got a raise. Ever. I was told that no raises were given to anyone. When I inquired about it, I was told, "Well, I'm sure your husband makes good money so don't worry about it." I was even told asking for a raise would get me fired.

So yeah, I went into a bit of a tailspin. I'm actively pursuing other opportunities but haven't had any luck in leaving and when I heard that, my morale really just plummeted.

She wanted to hang out tonight but I'm feeling depressed and just don't need another accidental blow to my psyche. I told her I wasn't up for it. Somehow that led into a conversation of why. She doesn't understand why her telling me that she got a raise and bonus has affected me in such a way. Now, she isn't even talking to me.

Did I let my anxiety push the situation too far or am I right to feel so freakin' upset? I work hard, I've won awards for my work and I have never been given a raise but I was told it was because raises were not happening across the board.

I'm now left one friend less because apparently, me being upset has in return upset her and even more frustrated with my job situation.

I'm sure the anxiety didn't help but I don't know.

[Cobra]

Sounds to me like she knew exactly what she was doing. That was psychological warfare on her part, and now that she has you down, she's done with you. Count your blessings and find a friend who isn't building herself up by tearing you down. Just my opinion.

[Lin]

I think Cobra is right. The fact that she applied after you told her about the job and now sounds like she is enjoying telling you about her raise etc at old job does not sound coincidental but a very mean trick on a friend. I think too you don't need friends like that and deserve better ones.

[Ambrocious]

I've known her for about three years and she's not a vindictive person -- she did tell me that she was applying for the job. She didn't do it behind my back.

It's just that she knows I'm incredibly unhappy in my situation. I constantly hear how happy she is now and I should be happy for her but I just feel jealous and frustrated. And then, she tells me about the raise and then begs me not to say anything to anyone the next day. So why tell me when I can't do anything about it? I am trying to build a case here for how unfair employees at my current place of work are being treated.

I've been told for the last three years that nobody got raises at all. I also was told that I didn't need a raise because I have a husband (not even kidding.) Then she tells me that in fact she did get a raise AND a performance bonus? After I was turned down over and over? How can she not comprehend that I'm upset with this?

I am putting some distance between us because right now, I can't handle any more bad news that I can't do anything with. I'm already an anxious mess and depressed about the situation. And I think I accidentally hurt her feelings when I told her that I just didn't feel like hanging out because of that reason.

Thank you guys for listening.