Lui
05-31-2013, 08:37 PM
Hi,
I am an exchange student and developed physical symptoms after traumtic experience, tons of stress and health anxiety. That was 8 months ago. Now I am still here in the US and everyday I just wanna go home and every day my symptoms get worse. I just did not break up because of my parents, who come pick me up in 21 days. We don't have a lot of money and I was just too proud to break up.
After I changed host families who caused all his mess, I found myself a wonderful host family. Anyway, I withdrew and now I am always fighting with my host mom, who wanted to send me home. So I lied and said I am alright and have no symptoms.
But I feel so depressed. A single picture or thought can throw me back in old terrible times and then I have a hard time not to cry. Nobody is believing me anymore. And I can't tell anybody. Plus that my real mom is goving me hard time because she's dissapointed that I destroyed the realtionship with my host family and I probably won't have a chance to come back visit. That's making me even more depressed because I am not that bad person who is always agressive ad mean to their hosts. That's not me but I can't help it. I feel like shit. Today my host mom started an argument in front of all my hosts questioning why I am hating her. I started crying because I got so angry and I acted like a total bitch again.
I feel ashamed becaue I have anxiety. I feel that it's all my fault and I am a weak person. I am so anxious that I'll never get better because of all this bad experiences and memories. I should have broken up long time ago, I would probably be alright by now.
How will I survive this next 21 days?
Had to write this down. I have nobody to talk about this.
I am an exchange student and developed physical symptoms after traumtic experience, tons of stress and health anxiety. That was 8 months ago. Now I am still here in the US and everyday I just wanna go home and every day my symptoms get worse. I just did not break up because of my parents, who come pick me up in 21 days. We don't have a lot of money and I was just too proud to break up.
After I changed host families who caused all his mess, I found myself a wonderful host family. Anyway, I withdrew and now I am always fighting with my host mom, who wanted to send me home. So I lied and said I am alright and have no symptoms.
But I feel so depressed. A single picture or thought can throw me back in old terrible times and then I have a hard time not to cry. Nobody is believing me anymore. And I can't tell anybody. Plus that my real mom is goving me hard time because she's dissapointed that I destroyed the realtionship with my host family and I probably won't have a chance to come back visit. That's making me even more depressed because I am not that bad person who is always agressive ad mean to their hosts. That's not me but I can't help it. I feel like shit. Today my host mom started an argument in front of all my hosts questioning why I am hating her. I started crying because I got so angry and I acted like a total bitch again.
I feel ashamed becaue I have anxiety. I feel that it's all my fault and I am a weak person. I am so anxious that I'll never get better because of all this bad experiences and memories. I should have broken up long time ago, I would probably be alright by now.
How will I survive this next 21 days?
Had to write this down. I have nobody to talk about this.