Appearance, body image, self perception, etc.

[Wren]

I'm so worried about people looking at me, finding things wrong with me, being embarrassed, etc. that it has made me become completely obsessed (for lack of a better word) with my outward appearance. I have a terrible and hugely distorted body image, and pretty much hate everything about myself physically. I have serious weight issues. I always pull my hair back into a ponytail even though I would like to wear it down. Every time I have it down and am going to go somewhere I get so nervous and panic if a few hairs are fly aways or if my part isn't straight (even if these things are just in my head, I can't tell) and if I walk I won't even move my head because I don't want it to move or get messed up, so I just end up in a panic and I rush and pull it back into a ponytail. Even when doing that it takes me a long time because if all the hair doesn't go perfectly straight back, I feel like it and I am just so ugly and everyone will be looking at me and thinking I'm ugly and wondering why I would even go out of the house. As far as clothes go, I hate my body. I'm 17 and weigh around 106 pounds. I know somewhere in the back of my mind that I am not fat. But when I look in the mirror all I see are imperfections, and when I think of going out all I can think is that people will be looking at me disgusted at how ugly or fat or weird I look. When I do leave the house because I HAVE to go somewhere, I always get really depressed beforehand. In my head I think it will be fun to go out shopping or out to eat or to hang out with my sisters, but when I really have to I just completely freak out. I can never find anything to wear because I hate the way I look in everything, which just makes me even more depressed and more nervous and anxious and I just feel like the walls are closing in on me. I always end up just wearing a plain t-shirt that's loose (because if anything is a little bit fitted I feel like I'm fat and disgusting) and a gray sweater jacket over it which has kind of become my security blanket even if it's really hot in the summer months. Sometimes I can be really excited about going somewhere...in theory, in my head. Because in my head I can be like any other person who is normal and confident and happy and just lives. But then it comes time to actual do it and I panic, I get so nervous and anxious and depressed that I just decide not to go and stay home instead, or if for some reason I have to go it's completely ruined anyway. And I feel like I ruin it for my sisters and my family too because every time we are going to go somewhere or do something I have to get crazy.

I'm sorry this was so long but it was just all welling up inside of me. I know I need help for this. I'm sure a lot of you guys have gone through or currently experience the same sort of things.

[hail to the thief]

i have no doubt that what your mind is telling you is incorrect.
I mean, 106 pounds???? That's not fat!

The more you worry about how you look, the less attention you'll get. If you look around, the people who don't care as much, are the ones that seem happy and seem to be most sociable. You need to accept your body.

if you feel unfit then you could join a gym. But don't go over the top. An instructor or whatever will give you an introduction and they could tell you how many times it would be best to go. Then you can stick to that and you'll know you'll be doing the correct amount for you.
Therefore, you won't over do it and end up like some stick with muscle and you might be able to keep it up regularly a a healthy rate.
It'll help your confidence as well.

But whatever happens, don't believe what you're telling yourself.
If you really begin too and can't get over it, get help from your doctor (that's my reply to everything :D - but it's true.)

[Wren]

The thing is there is a part of me somewhere in my brain who knows I'm being completely ridiculous. A part of me knows I'm not fat, this summer I've even started to eat healthy and exercise regularly because I'm petrified about being fat. (at first I started to take the regulations on my eating too far and got obsessed with anything I would eat, and started eating less and less. luckily I stopped this habit fast before letting it become or develop into something serious). I thought this (eating healthy and exercising) would make me feel better about myself, and it does sometimes, to a point. But it doesn't last. Occasionally I'll have moments of clarity, like hello okay you aren't fat, you are pretty, people tell you these things, you've gotten compliments. etc. But it doesn't last, five minutes later I'll be looking in the mirror and I just won't see those things. Or I'll see my sisters who are just so beautiful and self-assured and happy and smart, or see someone on TV and I'll just revert back to my usual thoughts about myself.

[Music_lover]

i know exactly how you feel. i hate how i look. i believe i lost about 20-30 pounds in like 3 months.. if not less... i got very carried away with eating less and as a result i lost weight but i always felt sick and always really cold. i still kind of am that way, but i;m much better. i hate how i look, i really just like my eyes and that's about it. people do tellme i'm pretty and etc. but i don't see it so it doesn't really help me. i know what it's like to looka t someone who is ebautiful adn skinny and happy and smart and just everytihng you "want" to be, adn think about everyhting wrong with you. i do it to myself all the time. my one friend is gorgeous, guys fall for her in minutes just being aorund her. she is a nice down to earth person and she thinks she is fat and ugly. i hate to say it, but i'd love to be her. sometimes, i wish i looked liek anyone but myself. i thinki look bad in everything too. my friends tell me other wise. even though it doesn't matter, guys don't really talk to me. but they'll talk to my friends. i guess it would be a boost to have a guy do that. guys have, but they are above my age limit, like 20. this 26 year old guy alwyas hits on me when i see him and it's just weird since he is my brothers friend and a family friend. i'm only 15. he knows that though. but still. i would be so happy if a guy did talk to me my age and who wasn;t just kidding iwth me. i'm glad you have times you look at yourself and are happy with what you see. i really hope you have more of those. i know i have them very rarely. sorry this is long, i can relate to you so well, lol. sorry i'm not much help. i guess it's just nice for you to know that you aren't the only one (at least you know on here) that doesn;'t like how they look and freaks out about it. i know i get so sad about how i look sometimes. i don't know about you, but my friends get mad when i talk negative about myself. do you's? again sorry this is long.

-holly

[Wren]

It's always nice to know there's someone else who knows how you're feeling. I know exactly how you feel when it comes to your friend who's really beautiful and always gets attention from guys. For me, that person would be my sister. I have two older sisters (turning 20 and 19 later this year, I'm 17) and we are like best friends. I've never really had friends outside of my family. When I started high school I was kind of the odd girl out, because my town is really small everyone already knows everyone and has had the same friends since middle school and continues on through high school. I went to a different middle school and none of my peers from that school came to my HS. Since everyone else already had their own groups and friends and knew everyone, I was really the only one who had to find a place to "fit in" or find friends...and since I'm obviously extremely socially anxious, socially awkward and shy, that just wasn't going to happen. Anyway, sorry kind of went off an a tangent, my only friends I really had to rely on were my sisters. I love them with all my heart but sometimes I just find myself so bitter and jealous and wondering why I just can't be like them or be them. The one who is turning 19 gets so much attention from guys, and she knows it. She loves it and she acts like she acts like she can get whatever she wants because of her looks and if she acts "cute" and sometimes that just makes me so mad. I wish that I could have at least a fraction of her confidence.

As for friends getting mad when I talk negatively about myself, same here. Well, my family in my case. Sometimes they'll just tell me to be quiet or roll their eyes, because they're so used to it that it's like "there she goes again" and they don't wanna hear it anymore you know.

[almondjoy]

I feel the same way. I started starving myself and whenever I forced myself to eat I just couldn't. I get very nervous when I pass someone down a street because I feel that he/she is analyzing me; looking at every imperfection. It also disgusts me when I think that anybody of the opposite sex would like me. I get approached by men all the time, but it makes me nervous or I feel like vomiting because I feel disgusting.

You're not alone. I just hope that we can free ourselves from it.

[Fear]

I'm so worried about people looking at me, finding things wrong with me, being embarrassed, etc. that it has made me become completely obsessed (for lack of a better word) with my outward appearance. I have a terrible and hugely distorted body image, and pretty much hate everything about myself physically. I have serious weight issues. I always pull my hair back into a ponytail even though I would like to wear it down. Every time I have it down and am going to go somewhere I get so nervous and panic if a few hairs are fly aways or if my part isn't straight (even if these things are just in my head, I can't tell) and if I walk I won't even move my head because I don't want it to move or get messed up, so I just end up in a panic and I rush and pull it back into a ponytail. Even when doing that it takes me a long time because if all the hair doesn't go perfectly straight back, I feel like it and I am just so ugly and everyone will be looking at me and thinking I'm ugly and wondering why I would even go out of the house. As far as clothes go, I hate my body. I'm 17 and weigh around 106 pounds. I know somewhere in the back of my mind that I am not fat. But when I look in the mirror all I see are imperfections, and when I think of going out all I can think is that people will be looking at me disgusted at how ugly or fat or weird I look. When I do leave the house because I HAVE to go somewhere, I always get really depressed beforehand. In my head I think it will be fun to go out shopping or out to eat or to hang out with my sisters, but when I really have to I just completely freak out. I can never find anything to wear because I hate the way I look in everything, which just makes me even more depressed and more nervous and anxious and I just feel like the walls are closing in on me. I always end up just wearing a plain t-shirt that's loose (because if anything is a little bit fitted I feel like I'm fat and disgusting) and a gray sweater jacket over it which has kind of become my security blanket even if it's really hot in the summer months. Sometimes I can be really excited about going somewhere...in theory, in my head. Because in my head I can be like any other person who is normal and confident and happy and just lives. But then it comes time to actual do it and I panic, I get so nervous and anxious and depressed that I just decide not to go and stay home instead, or if for some reason I have to go it's completely ruined anyway. And I feel like I ruin it for my sisters and my family too because every time we are going to go somewhere or do something I have to get crazy.

I'm sorry this was so long but it was just all welling up inside of me. I know I need help for this. I'm sure a lot of you guys have gone through or currently experience the same sort of things.

I'm exactly the same way as you,except for the fat thinking.I feel really hard to accept the way I am phisically.I don't like going cutting my hair coz I get depressed all the fuckin' times when I look into those mirrors.I see myself so ugly and think I'm not worth it.I just would like to be able to go around naked!I don't like to attract people's attention and stuff.
I'm not photogenic so I never want to take pictures.I look a lot younger and get pissed off,coz I'm 21 years old and people think I'm 15 or 16 so it is like I'm inferior.When they tell me they even seem annoyed by that,and I feel even more pissed off.I think I should make up,but I'm not that good,and then I think I would look like a whore trying to look more my age.I don't know how others perceive my image and I never know how to dress.DAMN!!It is really stressing!

[Wren]

I get very nervous when I pass someone down a street because I feel that he/she is analyzing me; looking at every imperfection.

I know that feeling exactly.

[bcc001]

Just recently I lost a lot of weight and I still have the same body image as before. All through high school I never had to worry about boys or dating issues /no one ever offered so I didn't care/, but now when someone may actually show interest I freak out and think they are messing with me and playing a mean joke which is really sad since I'm 20 and too old for that.

Some days I get up and feel great but then I get back into my mode of wondering if anyone in my class is judging me. I have to sit in the front of my class because I don't want to see anyone turn around to look at me, sad I know lol..

[Vincent]

You might be experiencing social phobia. It's tru that you have a bad perception and false one of yourself. Don't fear what people think about you because you are not as bad as you think, and most of all, most people won't care that much about your appearance.
And whatever your appearence know that you can go out and enjoy your life. Your appearance is not a reason not to get out. Everybody can go out, whatever its apparence.
Don't think to much about what the others say about you. Just live your life, have fun. Otherwise, you will never enjoy your life if you fear too much what people think. And if they think bad of you? Is it a reason to give up your life? No, its not at all!!! Don't give up your entire life... because some people you don't even know might think bad of you. Just live and don't care about them. You can live and go out like everybody.
Are going to stay inside all your life because some people you don't know MIGHT judge you?
Try to have a good opinion of yourself, whatever your physical appearance. Life is more than just appearances. Stop thinking about yourself when you get out and enjoy your surroundings and activities.

[sidster]

Wren thanks for your post to share. Coming from a scientific angle with anxiety being largely genetic, I recommend you try Clonazepam in the short term (either prescribed, if not over the net).
Obviously if you have not tried antidepressants, cipralex and similiar are worth a try.
- some basic CBT therapy will make a small difference, but it will be longterm and definately worth it.

Hope that helps for a start.. in additon: if your anxiety is longstanding and serious - accept you have a DISABILITY and be easy on yourself. It's not your fault and take it easy.. ;)