Back to square one again???

[M.C]

Just when I thought I started to make a little progress towards becoming anxiety free suddenly I m back to where I started from
Square one all the hard work the CBT income just vanished
Every time I feel that I m close to the surface something happens and I find my self pulled down deeper and deeper
The thought of having cancer is back the pain at the top of my stomach and under the ribs is regular and I m confused again is this f***ing anxiety or I m ill for real
I m tired and I can't take it anymore

[2long]

I know the feeling my anxiety has been playing havoc with me I get all sorts of symptoms like ribs hurting legs hurting weird feelings in the head my eyes go weird feel like I can't see dizzy off balance fingers tingling... Stupid thing is like you say you start to feel better then bam one thing n ur back to square one :-(

[missmello]

I'm with you on this one. I thought I was doing so much better and then I slowly started slipping again. I'm back to having horrible thoughts of being seriously ill. I hate this. Its so hard to believe I'm not really sick.

[M.C]

I don't know? How are we supposed to tell when we re really ill?
It s hard because the symptoms are so misleading
I m having this pain under my ribs and at the top of my stomach that comes and goes
I m finding it really hard or should i say impossible to believe it s anxiety
At the mean while thinking that it might be something wrong with my liver or my stomach or may be another collapsed lung freaks the hell out me
I can't bear the idea of doing more tests waiting for the results may be getting hospitalised again another surgery all that s**t again
I can't handle it anymore

[M.C]

Hi mismello

I know you had stomach problems
Can you relate to what I m going through?
Thx

[missmello]

Hi mismello

I know you had stomach problems
Can you relate to what I m going through?
Thx

Absolutely. I thought I was dying. I had no appetite, dry heaving, and a feeling of pressure on the lower part of my left rib. I was bed ridden and convinces I was seriously sick. Had so many tests done and they all came back fine. They couldn't think of any other tests to do on me, and my stomach doctor was positive it was all due to anxiety.

I eventually got over it, slowly forced myself to eat a little more each day, until eventually my stomach issues went away. I was on klonopin 2x daily and I believe that helped me get through it.

I feel different now though, I'm slipping again but now im obsessing over different symptoms. Kind of feel like I don't wanna eat again too and it scares me.

I know how you feel though. When my physical symptoms are so strong I feel like I need to go to the doctor and get it checked, because if I decide to ignore it this time, what if something is actually wrong with me?? Im afraid ill end up dead one day all because I ignored my body and dismissed it as anxiety. It's extremely hard.

[krayziee]

I don't know? How are we supposed to tell when we re really ill?
It s hard because the symptoms are so misleading
I m having this pain under my ribs and at the top of my stomach that comes and goes
I m finding it really hard or should i say impossible to believe it s anxiety
At the mean while thinking that it might be something wrong with my liver or my stomach or may be another collapsed lung freaks the hell out me
I can't bear the idea of doing more tests waiting for the results may be getting hospitalised again another surgery all that s**t again
I can't handle it anymore

Pain in the stomach and under the ribs is also a daily thing for me for years, don't think it's anything but ingested air by breathing wrong and anxiety.

[M.C]

That sound a little bit similar to my pain

I v done a stool test to check for any infection and it came fine I ve got a US abdomen scan on the 26/06 and I m already scared of what they re going to find
I kind of already predicted what s wrong with me
Obviously it has to be cancer
I can even picture the scene where I m sitting in my GP s office while she breaks the news to me
I can already see my self screaming 'no it can t be...'
Crying till the last tear in my eyes asking million questions 'why me?'
Thinking this is the end my days are over
Worrying about my kids whats going to happen to them? Who s going to look after them ? Are they gona remember me? How they re gona look like when they grow up?...
Cry again because I m not going to live long enough to see them growing
It breaks my heart to pieces

[M.C]

Sometimes I kind of persuade my self it s anxiety and carry on but the thought would not last for long
As soon as I get the pain again I m back to square one
It s pretty frustrating I sometimes take it out on my husband the kids who ever comes in my way

[krayziee]

That sound a little bit similar to my pain

I v done a stool test to check for any infection and it came fine I ve got a US abdomen scan on the 26/06 and I m already scared of what they re going to find
I kind of already predicted what s wrong with me
Obviously it has to be cancer
I can even picture the scene where I m sitting in my GP s office while she breaks the news to me
I can already see my self screaming 'no it can t be...'
Crying till the last tear in my eyes asking million questions 'why me?'
Thinking this is the end my days are over
Worrying about my kids whats going to happen to them? Who s going to look after them ? Are they gona remember me? How they re gona look like when they grow up?...
Cry again because I m not going to live long enough to see them growing
It breaks my heart to pieces

Anxiety can really mess with your judgement. But do you really believe what you just wrote? Your anxiety does, but do you? Deep down you know this won't happen but still you feed the bad wolf.

That's the power of anxiety, I know the feeling you already think ahead weeks and are scared to plan anything in the future because you think you will die any day now.

The human mind is such a complex piece. It is just doing what it is being told, "I have a bad heart= palpitations, fast beating, skipped beating etc."

Do you have medications or have therapy? And tell me which symptoms worry you the most.

Take a deep breath, you don't have Cancer and you won't die Anytime soon. X

[M.C]

It s nice to hear that from u but I guarantee you as soon as I come out of the forum the vicious thoughts will be back
I m almost at the end of CBT
I was about to take citalopram then I found out I was pregnant
I had an operation on my lung last sep and then a very bad wound infection and it was a pretty traumatic unbearable experience
I just feel like I had enough cant go through something else this soon
Yes the pain do scare me hugely
I m dreading to feel normal again before I got ill
Pain free worry free and able to live my life

[krayziee]

It s nice to hear that from u but I guarantee you as soon as I come out of the forum the vicious thoughts will be back
I m almost at the end of CBT
I was about to take citalopram then I found out I was pregnant
I had an operation on my lung last sep and then a very bad wound infection and it was a pretty traumatic unbearable experience
I just feel like I had enough cant go through something else this soon
Yes the pain do scare me hugely
I m dreading to feel normal again before I got ill
Pain free worry free and able to live my life

I understand that could be traumatic. But saying you guarantee your thoughts will go wild when you leave the forum is only keeping your anxiety alive, or am i wrong?

Your conscious mindset determins your unconscious actions. I am just trying to show you how your current mindset will keep you in this state. And then the tests will be negative and you will be reassured, until the pain comes again and the circle restarts.

I struggle everyday with widespread pain everywhere, am i in some way stuck at home at the moment? Yes. But do i plan on doing this? No.

Set your mind on your goals and it will follow. Easier said then done but you are not worth less, the human brain is far more powerful then you can imagine.

[leetbulldog]

I know that feeling man.. That pain below ribcage, had it like 3years ago and thought the worse! CANCER! but now I'm fine.. Nomore pain.. It's just anxiety man! ur ok! Don't worry

[scared44]

Ive been having aches,pain,headaches,nausea,vomiting and the list goes on for 28 very long yrs!! I seem to be getting worse over the last 6mths?? Why I dont know :(

[M.C]

Krayziee u re absolutely right !

I m in such a mess and I know that I'm responsible for it because I m sitting in the back seat and letting my thoughts driving where ever they want
I need to be in control and I do sometimes when I put my foot down and I say to my self this is anxiety and that s it and it works then an event happen or the pain is back and everything go upside own u know what I mean
I tell you a little story: few weeks ago my mother in law found a lump in her neck so she had few tests done and they told her its fine you either take it out or leave it its not going to harm
She decided to remove it and it went well she went back for regular follow up and everything was fine 2 days ago she went again hoping they will discharge her and I was there
At our surprise they told her the lump had cancer
She was in shock but calm still I was in tears and shacking and felt like fainting
And now I m just waiting for the damn scan when they would tell me that I have it too

[M.C]

Scared

You went through an awful lot with a lot of courage and bravery
And you still carried on after long years
You should pat you self at the back
The anxiety didn't brake you because you still standing on your feet
Be proud of yourself because I m proud of you

[scared44]

Scared

You went through an awful lot with a lot of courage and bravery
And you still carried on after long years
You should pat you self at the back
The anxiety didn't brake you because you still standing on your feet
Be proud of yourself because I m proud of you

Thx MC for your kind supportive words! I'm just having a really bad time atm :( i really feel like giving up!! I just don't know how much longer I can fight all this panic ect? And my health has deteriorated again so it's very hard to cope with it all! I want it to STOP NOW:( sorry I'm rambling on it's because I have so much to deal with AGAIN! How are you anyway hope your doing well? Take care xx :)

[krayziee]

Krayziee u re absolutely right !

I m in such a mess and I know that I'm responsible for it because I m sitting in the back seat and letting my thoughts driving where ever they want
I need to be in control and I do sometimes when I put my foot down and I say to my self this is anxiety and that s it and it works then an event happen or the pain is back and everything go upside own u know what I mean
I tell you a little story: few weeks ago my mother in law found a lump in her neck so she had few tests done and they told her its fine you either take it out or leave it its not going to harm
She decided to remove it and it went well she went back for regular follow up and everything was fine 2 days ago she went again hoping they will discharge her and I was there
At our surprise they told her the lump had cancer
She was in shock but calm still I was in tears and shacking and felt like fainting
And now I m just waiting for the damn scan when they would tell me that I have it too

When you are in a state of confidence write some encouraging things down, when you are in panic read them over and over this might bring back the confidence when you need it the most.

[M.C]

It s sounds like a gud idea

No harm in giving ago

[M.C]

Scared

I m really sorry to hear that your health is deteriorating again
I have a lot of confidence in you because I know that you re a fearless fighter and you will get through it
I m not bad it s the same crap as usual ups and downs
But for the past few days it s more of downs than ups
I completely forgotten that I m gona have a baby
I don't feel anything towards it there's no excitement whats so ever

[blondieqtpie]

A lot of effects ... Physical and mental can be due simply to anxiety. Sometimes I think... Maybe it's this or that. A couple of months ago I insisted on a full physical and lab tests... All turned out fine. Was told my symptoms were from anxiety by my doctor. It's good to double check with your doctor if you really are worried.... Or you may dwell on it... Anxiety does that too.

[MatthewWallis]

I always think something's seriously wrong, I thought I had a brain tumour when all this started but 4 years later, I'm not dead so it was just anxiety and also I have little fatty lumps/cysts all over my body, I was convinced they were tumours but again they're not and they're not harmful just me thinking the worst :)

[blondieqtpie]

I find anxiety when it gets high makes you think things you normally would not... Worry over trivial things .. I do it too. I sometimes think the worst if I have any symptoms of any kind. Part of it is anxiety ... Part OCD.
When its bad... Tell yourself it's the anxiety ... Not you... And you can overcome your anxiety

[M.C]

Anxiety is the most confusing thing I ever experienced in my life so far
It s torturing me physically mentally and emotionally
I m not able to live normally like everyone I can't enjoy anything I don't find any sense to my life
Everyday seems to repeat itself because I m doing the same over and over again which is focusing on my health my symptoms my thoughts and discarding anything else
How long do I have to live with this? God knows
It s been 9 months so far and I feel that I m back to scratch
When ever a symptom go away or ease up a little another pops up from nowhere
I just came to terms with my back pain( it s there still but not as intense as before)
And accepted that some of it to blame on the anxiety and the rest my muscles
Now I have this pain under my ribs and at the top of my tummy and it s driving insane
I can't handle it not because of the intensity or the regularity but because of the feelings and thoughts it generates