Need help with bf's severe anxiety. Advice please

[Ashurie]

Hi all,

I need some help/advice about my boyfriend's anxiety. We have been together for 5 years, and he has had generalised anxiety since his early teens. It gets better and worse in waves, but at the moment it has been bad for quite a few months now with no trigger/reason. He is really struggling and I'm at a loss on what I can do to help.

After trying many different medications, he is currently on Lustral. He is also having specialised CBT once a week and another therapy session once a fortnight, which he began about 6 weeks ago. He is pleased to be doing them and feels they will be worth it, but after each session he is in a bad way and now every day he is having panic attacks throughout the day. He has some diazepam to take in emergency situations (as they hate giving it out at all!), and in June he has an appointment with a specialist to get put on a drug similar to diazepam but that isnt addictive- that way he can take it regularly as a preventative. But the end of June is a long time to be hanging on for something that might not even help.

I write this today as shortly after I returned home from work, he was panicking and had to leave the house. He ended up driving 2 hours away before I heard from him. He very much has a flight response when he has a panic attack and he often has to leave and go out for a drive. Sometimes I go with him, but often he likes to be left alone. If I am with him when he is having an attack, it makes it worse to talk to him, ask questions, suggest things to do or physically touch him. But silence and doing nothing also make it worse. I get stuck between a rock and a hard place- no matter what I do, I will make it worse.

I am extremely fortunate to not suffer with anxiety and no matter how much I read about it or talk to him about it, I can never truly know how it feels. Does any one have similar experiences or can relate to how he copes?

I just want to be able to help him in some way. To alleviate his pain even a little, or know how to help when he is having a panic attack would mean the world. He himself tells me he doesn't know how I could help, so I'm hoping someone here has some experiences that may help. I am desperate to help him, it kills me to see him feeling like this.

Any advice is much appreciated, and thank you for taking the time to read this!

[quinn88]

Best thing to do is let him deal with it,obviously be there to support him but he will find he will find techniques of dealing with it,I've had it all my life and my gf doesn't fully understand because she hasn't been through it,it's a battle ur bf needs to deal with,mind over matter,I just tell myself no1 has ever died from anxiety it's just your mind over thinking a situation

[missmello]

My poor husband tries to help when I have a panic attack, but really there is nothing he can do. When I get to that point, I have the flight response too.. but its my body I want to get away from, so there's nowhere to run. My physical symptoms get so bad I want to jump out of my skin, so i do not like to be touched either. All you can do is if he is really freaking out, gently remind him nothing bad will happen, nothing happened the last time you had a panic attack, and now is no different. I tend to want to run to the emergency room, and my husband has to convince me I do not need to go.

Just be there when he needs you, he will let you know. And when he wants to be left alone, definitely give him his space. If people hover over me when I panic I start feeling smothered on top of the anxious feelings I already have.

I know its hard to sit back and witness it, but really there's nothing you can do but give support. Also, I had no problem getting a med like diazepam for my anxiety, 60 pills at a time with refills! Has he tried asking for a refill? Make it a point to tell them he has been struggling for months and the diazepam has helped. They should give you a refill.

[u4ea]

Yes, I'm in a similar situation. I've been anxious on and off since childhood, but in early February of this year, after a lot of bad luck (work, car, etc all at once); I started having panic attacks.

What was the most frustrating - she didn't seem to understand, nor care too; my anxiety caused more problems in the relationship, causing my anxiety to further worsen : ( it was a bad cycle.

I commend you on trying to learn and research the topic - this isn't a joke, and your boyfriend isn't "weak."

I was extremely out going, liked traveling, partying, SCUBA diving; and now I'm a different person - anxiety holds me back on everything now; she probably resents that at the moment, I'm no longer that fun outgoing person.............it's sucks but I will work through it.

I have a detailed thread on my story if you want to check it out! DON'T GO TOO HARD ON HIM - you two will get through this, I promise : )

[amneasy]

When my anxiety was at its peak and a panic attack occured, my girlfriend would just stand there by my side with the most calm face you can think of. She wouldn't demonstrate any kind of fear or act like she was feeling extremely sorry for me. That helped a lot, it made me realize that the situation wasn't nearly as bad as my brain made out to be.

[sadia]

Hi ashurie.. What has triggered of your bf's episode of anxiety this time.. Has he got a particular fear or something... Because with me I'm constantly thinking that I'm going to die... And the days I have a good day I think that some phong is wrong why am I not panicking if that makes sense.. Hope he feels better soon x