Hello everybody, I'm new

[hellokatiecat]

Hey everybody, I'm Katie. I am 16 years old. The attached photo is me. My pastimes, and things I use to keep myself calm are painting, drawing, watching documentaries, learning about serial killers, reading, researching. I like to learn about these people's minds and how they work. Well, I like to learn about anyone's mind and their thought process. I can't even understand my own. lol. I've been reading some of these posts and I can really relate to a lot of you guys, which has actually calmed me down quite a bit tonight. I don't really have people to talk to about this type of thing, so I thought it might be a positive addition to my daily routine to get on here and look around some. My parents are divorced and I live with my mom, who deals with her own anxiety issues due to the divorce, she's definitely different than she used to be. Understandable. It definitely adds to my issues though. It's hard to keep any type of peace in my mind when every conversation we have has to be an argument. I have tried to talk to her about it time after time, I try to talk things through and stop the yelling to no avail. I feel like if we got along and could talk to each other things might be way easier for the both of us. I'm alone on weekends most of the time also. Shes got a boyfriend that lives in another state, and she goes up every weekend. I went to an arts school since kindergarten, majoring in visual arts, got into the arts middle school for visual arts, and got into the high school for cinematic arts. I have always been pretty comfortable with being around people, I socialized, had friends. I haven't been to a regular public school with football games and pep rallies and things like that. I decided to turn down the arts high school I got accepted into and go to my neighborhood high school which was brand new. It was totally different, the kids were just totally ruthless. The whole year I sat in class alone, walked to class alone, ate lunch alone. I just could not adapt to the new environment. When I tried, it never worked out, the kids were horrible. They called me names and things behind my back (typical high school I know, I know.) It just completely lowered my self esteem. I tried to lay low the whole year after my failed attempts at being social. Everyday was hell for me I just felt like a complete loser and was reminded of it everyday. I was actually pretty popular prior to this new school. I went to parties with older kids, I went to many concerts, festivals, movies, normal social teenage things for a couple years, so the kids at school sort of knew who I was and had an idea of how I might be before I went. When people that "knew" me saw me sitting alone, no group of friends, it was just an opportunity to say more bad things about me. I was a freshman already partied out when most kids were just starting to get into that type of thing. Well, during the year I just stopped going out until the year was done. I held onto two friends from middle school and they are great, but they go to different schools and have a whole new group of friends. Now, basically I'm afraid to go out in public when they try to hang out, in fear of seeing the kids from school, people judging me. I can't even go to the grocery store with my mom without completely freaking out and having to think it through completely and coming to a conclusion whether it's worth it or not to risk being seen by my peers. Talking to people is completely different than it used to be, I cannot be normal no matter how hard I try. My self esteem is at an all time low. I stopped going to school this year because I just cannot stand being around these people, and having to figure out how to deal with my social anxiety. I do virtual school. I still don't leave my house and it just makes things worse for me. Im alone day after day confined in my house until my mom gets home from work and we dodge each other as much as possible to avoid being stressed out. I see no type of hope in the town I live in, I can't imagine growing up and living around these people, and working with them. I plan on getting a job soon and start saving so I can just get out of here. Some days I just can't stand how things are and how easily people can get to me. I just sit alone in my house depressed all week, thinking, thinking, and over thinking EVERYTHING. I've been stressed for like 3 years already and I feel like I just cannot enjoy my teen life, no prom, no group of awesome friends, I'm just alone. I can't get any work done, and get a job because I'm constantly feeling like I must relax myself before I start freaking out. It's such a huge struggle. I've been dealing with it as best as possible but I'm afraid that it's just always going to be like this, it consumes my entire life. I just crave a new life and want to start over and leave. I know that there's people that have it a lot worse than me and a lot of the time I feel horrible for letting myself be this miserable because of that.. My mom just disregards my worries and anxiety and passes it off in her head as just a teenage thing. I know that I'm not like other kids.

That's my story, if you've made it this far thanks for sticking around to listen. Maybe some of you can relate to it. I really just wanted to get it out, and it did help me out a little bit to organize it into a written paragraph. Thank you guys for reading.

[Lin]

It is such a shame that someone as young as you are not able to be going out and having fun.

Have you tried talking to a doctor about your problems with your mum and your own self esteem problems?

If you haven't had outside help, please try and get some, I am sure it will help you. If you have and it hasn't worked, please try again and see someone else, you will be able to get some help from someone so that you can live a happy normal life.

You might need to take medication for a while, or have some talking therapy, but there must be some help out there for you, it is just a case of finding access to you.

Please try to get help as soon as possible, don't let low self esteem and worry of your mum and other people, ruin your life any longer. With help you could start living your life properly and have some fun.

[hellokatiecat]

It is such a shame that someone as young as you are not able to be going out and having fun.

Have you tried talking to a doctor about your problems with your mum and your own self esteem problems?

If you haven't had outside help, please try and get some, I am sure it will help you. If you have and it hasn't worked, please try again and see someone else, you will be able to get some help from someone so that you can live a happy normal life.

You might need to take medication for a while, or have some talking therapy, but there must be some help out there for you, it is just a case of finding access to you.

Please try to get help as soon as possible, don't let low self esteem and worry of your mum and other people, ruin your life any longer. With help you could start living your life properly and have some fun.

Thanks for the reply. No, I haven't spoken to a doctor about it yet, I keep feeling like I can fix it myself by improving my attitude/looks things like that. I do plan on speaking to a doctor and seeing what I can do. Thanks again for the positive and hopeful words :)

[Lin]

Pleased you found my post useful, but please do act on it and seek some help. It would be great if you posted one day to tell me that you had found some help and was starting to live your life again. That would be the best ever.

[scared44]

Hey everybody, I'm Katie. I am 16 years old. The attached photo is me. My pastimes, and things I use to keep myself calm are painting, drawing, watching documentaries, learning about serial killers, reading, researching. I like to learn about these people's minds and how they work. Well, I like to learn about anyone's mind and their thought process. I can't even understand my own. lol. I've been reading some of these posts and I can really relate to a lot of you guys, which has actually calmed me down quite a bit tonight. I don't really have people to talk to about this type of thing, so I thought it might be a positive addition to my daily routine to get on here and look around some. My parents are divorced and I live with my mom, who deals with her own anxiety issues due to the divorce, she's definitely different than she used to be. Understandable. It definitely adds to my issues though. It's hard to keep any type of peace in my mind when every conversation we have has to be an argument. I have tried to talk to her about it time after time, I try to talk things through and stop the yelling to no avail. I feel like if we got along and could talk to each other things might be way easier for the both of us. I'm alone on weekends most of the time also. Shes got a boyfriend that lives in another state, and she goes up every weekend. I went to an arts school since kindergarten, majoring in visual arts, got into the arts middle school for visual arts, and got into the high school for cinematic arts. I have always been pretty comfortable with being around people, I socialized, had friends. I haven't been to a regular public school with football games and pep rallies and things like that. I decided to turn down the arts high school I got accepted into and go to my neighborhood high school which was brand new. It was totally different, the kids were just totally ruthless. The whole year I sat in class alone, walked to class alone, ate lunch alone. I just could not adapt to the new environment. When I tried, it never worked out, the kids were horrible. They called me names and things behind my back (typical high school I know, I know.) It just completely lowered my self esteem. I tried to lay low the whole year after my failed attempts at being social. Everyday was hell for me I just felt like a complete loser and was reminded of it everyday. I was actually pretty popular prior to this new school. I went to parties with older kids, I went to many concerts, festivals, movies, normal social teenage things for a couple years, so the kids at school sort of knew who I was and had an idea of how I might be before I went. When people that "knew" me saw me sitting alone, no group of friends, it was just an opportunity to say more bad things about me. I was a freshman already partied out when most kids were just starting to get into that type of thing. Well, during the year I just stopped going out until the year was done. I held onto two friends from middle school and they are great, but they go to different schools and have a whole new group of friends. Now, basically I'm afraid to go out in public when they try to hang out, in fear of seeing the kids from school, people judging me. I can't even go to the grocery store with my mom without completely freaking out and having to think it through completely and coming to a conclusion whether it's worth it or not to risk being seen by my peers. Talking to people is completely different than it used to be, I cannot be normal no matter how hard I try. My self esteem is at an all time low. I stopped going to school this year because I just cannot stand being around these people, and having to figure out how to deal with my social anxiety. I do virtual school. I still don't leave my house and it just makes things worse for me. Im alone day after day confined in my house until my mom gets home from work and we dodge each other as much as possible to avoid being stressed out. I see no type of hope in the town I live in, I can't imagine growing up and living around these people, and working with them. I plan on getting a job soon and start saving so I can just get out of here. Some days I just can't stand how things are and how easily people can get to me. I just sit alone in my house depressed all week, thinking, thinking, and over thinking EVERYTHING. I've been stressed for like 3 years already and I feel like I just cannot enjoy my teen life, no prom, no group of awesome friends, I'm just alone. I can't get any work done, and get a job because I'm constantly feeling like I must relax myself before I start freaking out. It's such a huge struggle. I've been dealing with it as best as possible but I'm afraid that it's just always going to be like this, it consumes my entire life. I just crave a new life and want to start over and leave. I know that there's people that have it a lot worse than me and a lot of the time I feel horrible for letting myself be this miserable because of that.. My mom just disregards my worries and anxiety and passes it off in her head as just a teenage thing. I know that I'm not like other kids.

That's my story, if you've made it this far thanks for sticking around to listen. Maybe some of you can relate to it. I really just wanted to get it out, and it did help me out a little bit to organize it into a written paragraph. Thank you guys for reading.

Hi just read your story and it made me cry :-( as I can relate to everything you have said!! Im 45yrs now but have been suffering from the age of 12yrs! Just remember your not alone and if you need to talk please PM me! (((((hugs to you))))) xx

[hellokatiecat]

Hi just read your story and it made me cry :-( as I can relate to everything you have said!! Im 45yrs now but have been suffering from the age of 12yrs! Just remember your not alone and if you need to talk please PM me! (((((hugs to you))))) xx

Thank you so much for your kind words and support. I appreciate it so much. I will definitely PM you if I need you. I'm here for you too!! My inbox is open if you think I could help you out with anything at all :) So glad that I'm not the only youngster that has struggled with this. Hugs to you!! <3

[Hemispheres]

Hi!! :-)
I too have been suffering from anxiety/ depression since i was 13. And iam 35 now. I sometimes find it hard to go to the store when theres alot of ppl there. Iam on cymbalta which does make me feel more level. But at times now i feel like i may need to add something extra with it. Bc iam getting panicy and depressed still. Hope you feel better!!! If youd like to talk you can msg me :-) ** hugs**