What's your anxiety about? (my anxiety story too)

[ame11iea]

My anxiety goes a little something like this. I look around at the world around me and I think: what? Like, how did all of this even happen? It gives me huge anxiety because I don't know and I can't explain it. I'm fully aware in scientific terms of how the universe works; evolution, the laws of thermodynamics, physics, laws of atom and chemistry... what I mean is, how did any of THAT even become what it is? People always try to answer my existential questions with topics such as evolution and physics, but how did physics happen? They are always explaining how but not why. Why are things the way they are? A few examples that weigh particularly heavy; why is eating a thing? And drinking? What made the intake of energy from an external source the basis of life on our earth? Seeing it as a random event seems so extraordinary. And even if it were a random event, everything has an origin. Where did that random event arise from? This barely even scratches the surface of how I think and feel and it already sounds pretty crazy!


Existential questions are what give me my anxiety and panic attacks. I have a curious (more-than-slightly OCD) mind that has to know the answer to everything. When I can't find the answer to these hugely deep, enormous and unanswerable questions, it goes into melt-down. I guess not knowing makes me feel small and vulnerable, insignificant on an monstrous scale in comparison to the universe. This unknown is what's paralysing, and I feel totally alone. I've heard of no one else relentlessly obsessing about why we have to eat in the grander scheme of things, to the point where I'm scared to eat and worry about it all through the day. It's stupid to obsess about fundamental things you can't change, but I still do. It leaves me feeling completely unreal and frightened, like some alien that's been dropped into another reality. I feel lost and scared, and I don't know what to do.


What is your anxiety about, if it is about something? Do you have the same things as me? I've got say, what I've got is already pretty frightening enough, and I figured a problem shared is a problem halved :)

[femalebauz]

I honestly think mine is about aging. Getting older and having to grow up. My kids are getting older and I am too. I also am a bit strange and I do paranormal investigations so I believe in ghosts but I also understand that the mind can make things worse than they are. I go to church and teach church school. I am also what they call an empath. I take others pain onto myself. That right there is the biggest thing. If I can stop taking everything so seriously and wearing my heart on my sleeve I would be in a better place.
I need to take each day as they come and breathe.

[missmello]

I think my main issue is I have health anxiety, and also worry about time. Not having enough time, wanting to accomplish things before I reach a certain age, and feel anxious about wasting time. When things don't happen when I want them to, I feel a loss of control, and that drives me crazy. I also need to know/constantly question the reasons why things happen or why I feel the way I do. Feel like I need to figure out the answers to everything like, if I have a stomach ache I'll think "oh maybe it was because I ate the batter when I was making that cake" things like that. I need to get to the bottom of every issue. I'm also a people pleaser, and put other people's feelings before my own. I'm an introvert, sometimes socially awkward but I just prefer to have peace and quiet, so in large, loud crowds I sometimes get anxious, not to the point where its a problem, I just don't like it.

[krayziee]

I have like a combo of all of you, I question myself the weirdest subjects. Why does everybody live in houses next to each other and without memory and brains people are meat bags.

Im also a hypochondriac, constantly checking my body and my body is always tense to the point it looks like a chronic disorder.

Also im very unsure about my future and i believed i would never grow old. im only 22 years old and had this for 5 years now.

Btw also new to the forum and from the netherlands, Europe.

[alankay]

Call me weird but I look at the world around me and humans, our activities, all the good and bad and nature, etc, and have come to believe this is all no accident. The thought that all this "just happened" is funny to me.
Life is not to be analysed but lived to try and make the best of it all and help others while pursuing your interests/dreams. We all struggle so try to look at anxiety as a mere part of you and you having many other things to offer. A part only, it does not define you and other people have other problems so try to find your own way to live best with it and keep it more or less in check. You will learn a great deal in the process. Alankay

[DustingMyselfOff]

Call me weird but I look at the world around me and humans, our activities, all the good and bad and nature, etc, and have come to believe this is all no accident. The thought that all this "just happened" is funny to me.
Life is not to be analysed but lived to try and make the best of it all and help others while pursuing your interests/dreams. We all struggle so try to look at anxiety as a mere part of you and you having many other things to offer. A part only, it does not define you and other people have other problems so try to find your own way to live best with it and keep it more or less in check. You will learn a great deal in the process. Alankay

Standing ovation - I love that and feel the same way. Well said!
Sue

[ame11iea]

Standing ovation - I love that and feel the same way. Well said!
Sue

Agreed! What you (Alankay) said is what I'm aiming for as I struggle with my obsessive complusion about existence. If any of you haven't tried mindfulness yet you really should! It really helps when it comes to learning acceptance and loving the moment you are in, without letting the past or future disturb you.

[Lynnster]

I have two irrational fears that drive my anxiety. First, I have this fear all the time of becoming homeless. Second I am afraid that something is going to happen to my kids or someone is going to take them away from me. I'm a good mom and I know there is no logical reasoning behind any of my fears but that doesn't stop them from happening. I also don't do well at all with change.

[Marlow]

I have anxiety over my mental health which is a nice self-fulfilling prophecy when you are having anxiety about certain issues. It also doesn't help that my aunt was schizophrenic so that adds to alot of my fears. I am also truely convinced I am bi-polar especially the way I have been feeling lately and its been quite the burden.

[Lin]

All my problems are hormone driven. Hormone imbalance gives me clinical depression and that causes anxiety. There is nothing I can do because my sypmtoms are all led by my body, so I can only treat the symptoms until the hormone imbalance is put right. So gynae working hard on putting hormones right, psychiatrist working hard on finding an anti depressant which will at last work, but all anti depressants causing anxiety and other side effects, so having to take diazepam to keep me calm.
Amongst all this, comfort eating so put lots of weight back on so bad knee again which led to operation on both knees, so not only hormone symptons but pain and learning to live with pain.
Can't wait to be a bit older, because then menopause will definitely have to be finished, and hormones can no longer cause me the problem they have for 28 years.
Can't wait to be back to finding my job normal again instead of too much pressure, of socialising with friends again, and of enjoying life again.

[scared44]

All my problems are hormone driven. Hormone imbalance gives me clinical depression and that causes anxiety. There is nothing I can do because my sypmtoms are all led by my body, so I can only treat the symptoms until the hormone imbalance is put right. So gynae working hard on putting hormones right, psychiatrist working hard on finding an anti depressant which will at last work, but all anti depressants causing anxiety and other side effects, so having to take diazepam to keep me calm.
Amongst all this, comfort eating so put lots of weight back on so bad knee again which led to operation on both knees, so not only hormone symptons but pain and learning to live with pain.
Can't wait to be a bit older, because then menopause will definitely have to be finished, and hormones can no longer cause me the problem they have for 28 years.
Can't wait to be back to finding my job normal again instead of too much pressure, of socialising with friends again, and of enjoying life again.

I'm very much like you Lin with the menopause it's horrible and debilitating :-( what do you take for hrt? I'm on Progynova and it does nothing! Hope your well xx

[Lin]

I'm very much like you Lin with the menopause it's horrible and debilitating :-( what do you take for hrt? I'm on Progynova and it does nothing! Hope your well xx

So pleased at last to find someone else struggling with same thing, first time found anyone on this forum with same problem. I tried hrt in 2088-9 but it didn't work, then went on to herbal remedies which worked until March 2011. But in March 2011 clinical depression hit with a bang and ended up in hospital for 7 weeks to try and find right anti depressants to give me a lift while they sorted out my hormones. It has been an absolute nightmare. Body reacting totally different to when I had post natal depression and going on so long me and husband really had enough.

I am on the following:

From gynaecologist I am on oestrogen patches and mirena coil for the hormones. Been on the patches for a while and when tried without them I flipped after three days. They have struggled to find a progesterone tablet which does not make my mood really low, so two weeks ago I had the mirena coil fitted, so waiting to see if that works. Seem to have been on a lot since had it fitted, but get the results of my operation on Friday because they did a D&C and biopsy, so will talk to him about when should be on.

Also been having reflexology with a really good woman - for two years I had not come on without tablets - the day after I had reflexology with her I came on! Even my doctor was amazed and said keep her up. Saw her last week and my mood has definitely improved. She uses gem therapy and reiki too and I can feel when she is working on some parts of my body, really pleased with her.

Also now seen a nutritionist - had a free consultation, and although cost of tablets a rip off, decided to take his advice and started on D3 4000 x 1 a day and Solgar 7 x 1 a day, plus multivitamins. Started today so going to see if makes any difference. He said these would help with my stomach and go back in 3 months and he would advise me what to take to help with the depression.

From psychiatrist I am now on agomelatine and diazepam for depression and anxiety, plus promethezine (only an antihystemine so not adictive) to help sleep. Psychiatrist has tried so many different tablets over the past two years, body just keeps rejecting them or having really bad side effects so agomelatine is new to market. Thought it started to work but then took bad progesterone tablet and it went all wrong, so psychiatrist has doubled the dose of the agomelatine and now on coil hope they will start to work again and give my mood a lift.