Depression and sex.....these 2 don't go together

[Kevcules]

Hi there guys and girls.....first post here....

I'm a male and 44 yrs old,married with 2children.

I suffer from anxiety and depression and have for many years! I've needed meds to function in life for the last ten yrs...for the most part I'm a happy guy but life is dragging me down big time in the last year! Maybe me not liking my job or not feeling in love with my wife anymore has a big impact? i think so!
My doctor has said a few times already now , that I need meds all the time. My reg chemical balance is an imbalance according to him? I've tried many drugs and most only help a little and all of them so far have sexual side effects! It's bad enough you feel down and sad all the time, you don't want to or even CAN'T have sex most times! Sex for me now has been slowly deteriorating. It doesn't feel good,my erections aren't good, I don't crave sex at all! This makes life unbearable to me! Many dark thoughts,too many really,I just want the torture in my head to stop and I only see one way to make it stop.
After talking to a friend, I decided to try seeking help. Was referred to a psychiatrist who of course gave me more pills. Wellbutrin and Nova mirtizapine are the lucky two who can hopefully treat my illness. I've been taking them for 4 days now with little effects. It takes two weeks min I guess , so wish me luck!

Getting to tell my story and read the others makes me feel like I'm not alone. I wish everyone here the very best in your efforts to get well and get to mentally relax one day!!!

Kevin

[NixonRulz]

Welcome aboard and how bad does that suck?

You get a choice of decreased anxiety or you can't bang your wife.

How cruel. God does this shit on purpose I think just to screw with us.

Effexor didn't stop my sex drive but it was a little harder to finish. But that made me a legend with the ladies cause I could go forever!!!!!

Sometimes a problem turns into s blessing.

[Kevcules]

Welcome aboard and how bad does that suck?

You get a choice of decreased anxiety or you can't bang your wife.

How cruel. God does this shit on purpose I think just to screw with us.

Effexor didn't stop my sex drive but it was a little harder to finish. But that made me a legend with the ladies cause I could go forever!!!!!

Sometimes a problem turns into s blessing.


Hahaha! Yeah....no kidding ! That has really been the option and its not exceptable!! :)

No drug I've tried yet for depression or anxiety has made me a stallion ! I did try Effexor too with little help. This Wellbutrin is supposed to not have any sexual side effects and actually increase libido..... Ill let you know! :)

Thanks for the straight forward reply......you made me laugh which I don't do often !

Kevin

[Lin]

From a woman's point of view I can tell you that depression and anxiety definitely puts you off wanting anyone let alone a stallion! Unless I am unfortunate and one of the few women to be affected negatively by it! Knowing my luck every other woman with depression is craving it while I am not!
It is sad that you say you are not feeling in love with your wife any more - I hope that is a side effect of your illness and not permanently.
We have been married for 28 years and during the past 2 years of my illness I have seen hatred in my husband's eyes because he is so fed up with my illness, no fun, no social life, having to go things on his own, having to ferry me around to lots of different appointments, having me scream at him for no reason at all etc etc etc But even after all this we are still sticking together and although some days I don't think we are going to make it other days he tries really hard.
My Buddhist meditation group at the moment is covering thinking about your own bad points and someone else's good points. I wrote a list of my bad points and a list of my husband's good points and against all of his good points I could write where I had pushed him so much with the illness that I had made it look like a bad point because of his reaction to my pushing him and temper.
We have had this before but only for 5-6 months, so this time 2 years is really pushing our relationship.
I also have suicidal thoughts most weeks, and have started to act on them three times in the past six months. My husband hates me talking about it, or hearing me talking to nurses about it, or friends who can listen to it, because he feels that he is helpless in being able to help me.
If it was not for my son and my husband I would definitely not be here now and would have gone to get some peace, although I have been told by nurses that you don't know that you do go to peace, or that you will meet your parents etc there because no-one knows for certain. Also everyone says you absolutely devestate the family you leave behind.
But I know what it is like to be so close to going the whole way because peace is calling and just won't shut up.

[Kevcules]

Hey Lin

I doubt anyone with depression is craving sex.....man or woman! It's like your mind and body are troubled all the time! I don't have to tell you people how it feels, we here all know!
I know how you feel saying if it weren't for your child and husband,you were rather not be here. I feel the same! Maybe they are a godsend? I'm not a religious guy by any means but I do believe in spirits.....I'm not really afraid to stop the clock of life , but I am concerned how others will handle it....especially my kids.I guess that's a good thing. :)
I came hear looking for advice but I will try to give some of my own here. Ill take some of my own medicine! :) It will help me too I think!
Our minds are not operating properly because of chemical imbalances. Why these chemicals get out of wack is beyond me?? It has to be the minds defence mechanisms to numb our bodies from feeling the full force of sorrow,pain or just trying to cope with lifes hurdles.Trying to make sense of anything or function normally can't be done in this state. Like it or not , most of us need meds to regain the proper chemical balance in our brains! The problem seems to be finding the right drug for each individual. I know most of us have had episodes like we are experiencing now and when you look back at that terrible time, you think " why was I so bothered by that event" it doesn't seem as important now or bother me as much. When the mind is healthy and the brain chemicals are balanced, life is a pleasure to live! We will always have bad times but not like we have now....I hope!
I hear you Lin. When my eyes are shut , I'm not tortured so why not keep my eyes shut for good? Just keep remembering that our thought processes are all messed up! I find if you keep your mind busy, its better. let your mind wander and its like a nightmare ! Keep your chin up....it will get better.
I'm scheduled to see a psychologist soon....hope they help!

Stay strong everyone!!!

[Lin]

Hey Lin

I doubt anyone with depression is craving sex.....man or woman! It's like your mind and body are troubled all the time! I don't have to tell you people how it feels, we here all know!
I know how you feel saying if it weren't for your child and husband,you were rather not be here. I feel the same! Maybe they are a godsend? I'm not a religious guy by any means but I do believe in spirits.....I'm not really afraid to stop the clock of life , but I am concerned how others will handle it....especially my kids.I guess that's a good thing. :)
I came hear looking for advice but I will try to give some of my own here. Ill take some of my own medicine! :) It will help me too I think!
Our minds are not operating properly because of chemical imbalances. Why these chemicals get out of wack is beyond me?? It has to be the minds defence mechanisms to numb our bodies from feeling the full force of sorrow,pain or just trying to cope with lifes hurdles.Trying to make sense of anything or function normally can't be done in this state. Like it or not , most of us need meds to regain the proper chemical balance in our brains! The problem seems to be finding the right drug for each individual. I know most of us have had episodes like we are experiencing now and when you look back at that terrible time, you think " why was I so bothered by that event" it doesn't seem as important now or bother me as much. When the mind is healthy and the brain chemicals are balanced, life is a pleasure to live! We will always have bad times but not like we have now....I hope!
I hear you Lin. When my eyes are shut , I'm not tortured so why not keep my eyes shut for good? Just keep remembering that our thought processes are all messed up! I find if you keep your mind busy, its better. let your mind wander and its like a nightmare ! Keep your chin....it will get better.
I'm scheduled to see a psychologist soon....hope they help!

Stay strong everyone!!!

Thanks so much. My bouts of depression are always caused by hormonal imbalances so have had lots of bouts over the past 28 years and usually bad enough to want to end it. This time I have been told so many times how devestated my son and husband would be and would never get over it, but all I keep thinking is they would be better off without being such a nuisance and they could start again and have some fun again. I also want to see my mum and dad again and since I came out of hospital they have been in my dreams, I thought they were calling for me at first, but now persuaded they are telling me to stay here for my son. I even call my husband mum in my night dreams, and he says I talk to my dog Trixie who I loved, one night I heard her coming up the stairs and getting on my bed! Weird!
Hospital usually helps me get a break from everything but my husband hates it and would rather have to put up with living with me, he must be the mad one not me!
So yes, although in the past I have worked out a new plan, and keep having to try really hard not to do it, I have had so many lectures from Nurses, Drs, friends etc that I know it is not the right thing but in my deepest times, I just want the peace so much. (Although one nurse told me how could I presume that I would have peace - that made me think twice.)
I have seen a psychologist but I have nothing in my past or present which causes my depression because it is purely hormonal which I have no control over.
So taking the anti depressants which hopefully will work (after over 2 years they can't find one my body will accept this time), take the diazepam so I stay calm (what a joke when I spend most days screaming), my sleeping tablets (which didn't work last night and I only slept for 1.5 hours) and my hormone patches and coil which is new and hopefully going to work, and also my two types of painkillers for my knees which have had to be operated on in December and March.
But yes, just told someone on one of the other threads about finding an interest and keep going, but always easier to tell other people than yourself.
Thanks for your kindness and help.

[Kevcules]

Hey Lin...you're a strong woman who's going through a lot right now! Hopefully your partner can understand your issue and work with you to get better!I'm surprised the docs aren't taking you into their undivided care, to make sure you're on the right meds? There are lots of meds out there , so surely something has to work!!
You made the hair on my neck stand up a bit when you mentioned your parents were in your dreams! Wow...that's powerful! There's no doubt they are wanting you to get better and stay on earth where you are! Don't be afraid to pray to them , talk to them or just think about them for the mental support you need to get your mind healthy again!
I think these forums are awesome so each one of us can tell our story and gather strength knowing that many many people are suffering also!! They say there's strength in numbers... :)... so I think we have that one covered! Take Care!!!

[Ahlstrom]

I know what you're going through man, I'm 19 and have very little sexual desire because of my medications, I do plan to go off them soon and see if I can function without having a mental breakdown. I feel like it's a bad time to go off of them since I'm having odd waves of depression, but I hope for the best.

Wellbutrin did cure my sexual side affect after around 12 days, it was amazing, but sadly it made me have bad depression so I had to quit them, I haven't really bothered to try anything else.

[Kevcules]

I know what you're going through man, I'm 19 and have very little sexual desire because of my medications, I do plan to go off them soon and see if I can function without having a mental breakdown. I feel like it's a bad time to go off of them since I'm having odd waves of depression, but I hope for the best.

Wellbutrin did cure my sexual side affect after around 12 days, it was amazing, but sadly it made me have bad depression so I had to quit them, I haven't really bothered to try anything else.

You should really re-consider going off your meds. I've done that before for years now, for the very same reason we talk about and the depression and anxiety does ,and will come back. Sometimes even "harder"..... (and no....not your penis! :) )
I'm on day 14 (i think) and I feel I can have sex , if there was no pressure, but I don't feel like it at all. This drug is giving me higher anxiety levels I think. I'll have to speak with my shrink soon..... The body and mind wasn't meant to be tortured with constant turmoil ! Wish I could stop it, something has to give......
Good luck with your issues!

Take Care...

[Lin]

Kevcules - thanks for your kind words and support. x

[Hemispheres]

From a woman's point of view I can tell you that depression and anxiety definitely puts you off wanting anyone let alone a stallion! Unless I am unfortunate and one of the few women to be affected negatively by it! Knowing my luck every other woman with depression is craving it while I am not!
It is sad that you say you are not feeling in love with your wife any more - I hope that is a side effect of your illness and not permanently.
We have been married for 28 years and during the past 2 years of my illness I have seen hatred in my husband's eyes because he is so fed up with my illness, no fun, no social life, having to go things on his own, having to ferry me around to lots of different appointments, having me scream at him for no reason at all etc etc etc But even after all this we are still sticking together and although some days I don't think we are going to make it other days he tries really hard.
My Buddhist meditation group at the moment is covering thinking about your own bad points and someone else's good points. I wrote a list of my bad points and a list of my husband's good points and against all of his good points I could write where I had pushed him so much with the illness that I had made it look like a bad point because of his reaction to my pushing him and temper.
We have had this before but only for 5-6 months, so this time 2 years is really pushing our relationship.
I also have suicidal thoughts most weeks, and have started to act on them three times in the past six months. My husband hates me talking about it, or hearing me talking to nurses about it, or friends who can listen to it, because he feels that he is helpless in being able to help me.
If it was not for my son and my husband I would definitely not be here now and would have gone to get some peace, although I have been told by nurses that you don't know that you do go to peace, or that you will meet your parents etc there because no-one knows for certain. Also everyone says you absolutely devestate the family you leave behind.
But I know what it is like to be so close to going the whole way because peace is calling and just won't shut up.

Yes, very true... Iam 35 ( gonna be 36 in aug) and I rarely desire sex. (Although me and my boyfriend aren't together now) but, before when things were great, I felt as tho I'd rather sleep. I never mentioned to my doctor because I felt as tho all anti-depressants probably cause this. Tho maybe iam wrong. My boyfriend was real patient and did understand.
Lin.... I had the same things.... No fun, no social life... Never want to get out. He takes me to appointments.. And me screaming and crying for no reason because iam ill.... Unfortunately, I feel as though I drove him away. I feel awful. It is great you have a wonderful husband that is willing to be there for you no matter how bad things get. Even at times he may seem to want to give up, he doesn't. That's love.
If it wasn't for my dad, aunt and grandma(86), I would not be here today. (It would probably give my grandma a heart attack). I would have givin up a long time ago. And you just want....peace. Just peace. To not be ill, to not have family members hurting and worrying if you will end everything.

[shaikhrahuf]

Same with me and my wife, last year we hardly enjoyed sex, but since 3 months its like cant get sleep without sex and hands on her.. sex is just awesome to enjoy, but anxiety keeps at bay.. anxiety reduces sex life n social life..

But me n my wife r enjoying it every alternate days now.. she is happy.. best of luck..

[Lin]

Family find it really hard to help and support it. Also trouble is when they get it wrong it really hurts us, worse than strangers can hurt us.

Apparently it is just as hard for our family to go through this when we are ill, but it is hard to see it from their side, and much easier to snap and bite back when they get it wrong.

Going on an emotion management course in June and hope that I can learn to step back, use my many techniques learned, and stop the screaming and shouting.

Also when my husband was getting carer support he was much kinder and understood a lot more. He refused help last year so we were really bad together. This year he has just agreed to go on two courses which will help him to help me with this illness - really pleased he had been able to accept the courses and hope that it helps us get through this long period of hormone imbalance which feels so bad for both of us at times.