i cant have a relationship because of this?

[marki_marc]

im afraid to have sex for the first time because i dont want to find out that i have no reason to live
im afraid that if i have sex for the first time and im not able to pleasure this girl sexualy
that means that my fear is a reality and that am going to have to kill myself because i would have no reason to live for
and by that i mean that i will not be able to have kids a wife be in love and just be happy in life my mind created this fear
because of my smaller than average penis i dont wanna have sex because im afraid that i might end killing myself if my fear is a reality

[Lin]

It sounds like you need to talk to a Dr or therapist who specialises in specific sexual fears like yours.
It sounds like you need to go asap so that you can get over the fear and start to live your life.
Just think of all those wasted years which might not be based on something true - go for it and get some proper help.