Dam_Rohcna
04-22-2013, 05:00 AM
Even if to some, this might not be as serious but everything is really hard now.
I'm not good with personal socialization that I am most comfortable behind something... like behind the screen.
Talking to people personally, scares me. Now that I entered college, it's harder. Teachers, students, OLDER STUDENTS WITH THEIR FUCKING Social ladder system. Yep, I'm the underdog. the bottom.
What my parents don't understand is that... they don't take the hint that I just want to be satisfied with little things.
Now they are pouring every bit of pressure to me and I can't deny or else, "Go to that college or just don't study at all!" Those kind of threats.
They just enrolled me to the hardest university because I'm a geek but the pressure... there's already pressure now. They don't believe me that I'm not meant for it. They kept pushing me until I'll just CRACK or BREAK DOWN secretly. They want me to sacrifice so much but I'm worn and beat. My life is just about, well, let's say that I missed a lot of things. My childhood is like being Jailed. Highschool with me being domesticated, and now that I am following their rules of just staying inside home forever, they want me to suddenly go out and be superman and win people's hearts. It's hard to change 360s in a snap especially if I am losing time. If I can't change easily in one day and be the freshman superman of college.
I can't imagine my college or my future. All I can imagine is that I'll just kill myself if pressure kept coming in. Last night, I cut just to calm myself down because the sight of blood takes my anxiety away. I just don't know what to do. My parents kept throwing things to me as if I can handle them, but I Can't and I Can't deny them or else... IT WILL BE more of my loss. I can't talk about it to anyone because, my parents will be really disappointed if they knew that their child has some psychological disorder. I have been pretending to be normal by just being silent. It's just hard. The pressure, the stress, the expectations, no one to lean on, fail and I'll be living on the streets.... it's just hard.
I'm not good with personal socialization that I am most comfortable behind something... like behind the screen.
Talking to people personally, scares me. Now that I entered college, it's harder. Teachers, students, OLDER STUDENTS WITH THEIR FUCKING Social ladder system. Yep, I'm the underdog. the bottom.
What my parents don't understand is that... they don't take the hint that I just want to be satisfied with little things.
Now they are pouring every bit of pressure to me and I can't deny or else, "Go to that college or just don't study at all!" Those kind of threats.
They just enrolled me to the hardest university because I'm a geek but the pressure... there's already pressure now. They don't believe me that I'm not meant for it. They kept pushing me until I'll just CRACK or BREAK DOWN secretly. They want me to sacrifice so much but I'm worn and beat. My life is just about, well, let's say that I missed a lot of things. My childhood is like being Jailed. Highschool with me being domesticated, and now that I am following their rules of just staying inside home forever, they want me to suddenly go out and be superman and win people's hearts. It's hard to change 360s in a snap especially if I am losing time. If I can't change easily in one day and be the freshman superman of college.
I can't imagine my college or my future. All I can imagine is that I'll just kill myself if pressure kept coming in. Last night, I cut just to calm myself down because the sight of blood takes my anxiety away. I just don't know what to do. My parents kept throwing things to me as if I can handle them, but I Can't and I Can't deny them or else... IT WILL BE more of my loss. I can't talk about it to anyone because, my parents will be really disappointed if they knew that their child has some psychological disorder. I have been pretending to be normal by just being silent. It's just hard. The pressure, the stress, the expectations, no one to lean on, fail and I'll be living on the streets.... it's just hard.