Horrible emotions in pit of stomach... anxiety, depression or something else?

[amlilro]

I can't even find words to explain a lot of what I am feeling but it feels like I've been taken over by some terrible thing inside me. I wake in the morning with a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know there is nothing to fear or nothing bad that has happened but cant shake the feeling of dread. I try to move on in thought but thinking even positive thoughts about the good things in my life bring on a surge of this grief like feeling of emotional pain along with a sense of rising inner panic. It feels like someone died. Just thinking about making breakfast or other simple tasks fill me with dread and a feeling of being utterly unable to cope or be in my own skin. I look at my beautiful baby daughter smiling at me and the panicky feeling rises. I think about my partner who I love and doing something with him after work but again the panicky doom feeling. Looking at my belongings makes me feel strange. Doing things I normally do feel strange and I get a weird feeling like i cant cope with existing. I cant explain why Then towards the end of the day I feel strangely normal again. Its like I'm back to myself again. Then the following day the cycle starts again. Anyone that can offer any insights or anyone that can identify please help me

[Dana1964]

Oh how I understand exactly what you are talking about. I was first diagnosed with Major Depression 20 years ago. My symptoms are just like yours when I am going through a bout of depression/anxiety. I, like you, have a great life. I love my husband and my son and we don't have any major stressors in our lives. The thought of doing things makes me nervous through the day...then, at the end of the day, generally around 8:00 pm I start feeling normal again myself. My doctor said that bad mornings and better evenings are the hallmark of a biological depression. I am currently going through another bout of it and am on medication. I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you feel. It's terrible stuff to deal with.

[sam1234]

I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel! Reading both of your comments, it was as though you were describing my life. The waking up in a morning, with this horrendous dread is the worst feeling and a feeling that unless you have been through it people just don't understand. I find myself becoming exhausted doing the easiest of tasks and not wanting to get out of bed! Yet in the evening, its not quite as severe. People say to carry on with life and try and get out but when your going through this it doesn't seem that simple. I was given citalopram, which I started a week ago. I'm hoping it will start to make a difference soon as I'm really struggling!! Hopefully we will all get there soon

[Lin]

I have had post natal depression several times after having a baby, miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy over 28 years of marriage. I also get pelvic inflamation disease and i am now suffering because of my age. This is all caused by a hormone imbalance and it sounds like this could be something like you have if you have a young baby.

If you have, please talk to your GP who can assess how bad you are and either give you anti depressant tablets to lift your mood or referv you to the mental health team to help you. The first time I had it I refused tablets because i had never had depression before and did not believe it, but the second time it was worse and I accepted tablets and help and I got over the episode much easier and quicker. This time hss lasted 2 years because it is my age and is different, plus the hormone imbalance has lasted longer, plus my body has rejected all anti depressants i have had in the past so they are struggling to find an anti depressant to lift my mood and the gynae is struggling to find the right way to balance my hormones. I never have depression between bouts because only when a hormone imbalance but now know the symptoms and know when I need help. Each time I have had it it has got worse, so have suicidal thoughts and last few times have needed to go into hospital.

But don't suffer in silence, get some help which can really help you get through it.

[Judie]

Lin, I worry about you so. It is very tough to be sabotaged by your own body, such as is hormone imbalances. My Panic Disorder/ Depression, yes depression I never actually knew it was depression, until I learned that depression often manifests itself as panic attacks. Kind of like the chicken and the egg, which came first and does it even really matter. Any way my Panic surfaced in my late twenties, a very common age bracket as you will see on the Forum 20's-30's. So when Igot pregnant at 35 I was really concerned about postpartum depression, but by the grace of god I never suffered it( know many who have) I did however have a relatively early horrific menopause. So you have my undying sympathy. Menopause for me consisted of horrific migraines, very high blood pressure, panic attacks, depression mood swings it was one nightmare for sure. They actually treat menopause with antidepressants now, probably Avery good idea. Any way I want to say to you is your problems are directly related to. Hormonal fluctuations and they WILL CALM DOWN eventually and that's a really really good thing. I no longer have any of those symptoms as my body is no longer under assault from crazed hormones. Please try to stay focused on that ,these hormones will eventually quiet down and with that will come relief and balance. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I've heard you mention your son, stay focused on the good things he is doing and experiencing. I remember when my Dad was very sick in the Nursing Home and I would take my 5 year old daughter with me to see him almost every day and we got very close to a lot of the elderly and then we would lose them. It was sad and my therapist said turn your focus ( not by visits but my thoughts) toward your daughter and her five year old friends. Give yourself a break from sadness and look for happiness. Sometimes we get so caught up in sadness that we lose focus of happiness. It's there we just no longer see it. I too had a miscarriage and I sobbed for days, actually held my arms like I was cradling a baby to my heart. My arms ached ( very common when people lose children, miscarriages, stillborn) my Panic Attacks surfaced two months later, that is how relentless grief or stress effect me. I say through experience, we all need to support you in finding some happiness. Be Well !

[Lin]

Lin, I worry about you so. It is very tough to be sabotaged by your own body, such as is hormone imbalances. My Panic Disorder/ Depression, yes depression I never actually knew it was depression, until I learned that depression often manifests itself as panic attacks. Kind of like the chicken and the egg, which came first and does it even really matter. Any way my Panic surfaced in my late twenties, a very common age bracket as you will see on the Forum 20's-30's. So when Igot pregnant at 35 I was really concerned about postpartum depression, but by the grace of god I never suffered it( know many who have) I did however have a relatively early horrific menopause. So you have my undying sympathy. Menopause for me consisted of horrific migraines, very high blood pressure, panic attacks, depression mood swings it was one nightmare for sure. They actually treat menopause with antidepressants now, probably Avery good idea. Any way I want to say to you is your problems are directly related to. Hormonal fluctuations and they WILL CALM DOWN eventually and that's a really really good thing. I no longer have any of those symptoms as my body is no longer under assault from crazed hormones. Please try to stay focused on that ,these hormones will eventually quiet down and with that will come relief and balance. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I've heard you mention your son, stay focused on the good things he is doing and experiencing. I remember when my Dad was very sick in the Nursing Home and I would take my 5 year old daughter with me to see him almost every day and we got very close to a lot of the elderly and then we would lose them. It was sad and my therapist said turn your focus ( not by visits but my thoughts) toward your daughter and her five year old friends. Give yourself a break from sadness and look for happiness. Sometimes we get so caught up in sadness that we lose focus of happiness. It's there we just no longer see it. I too had a miscarriage and I sobbed for days, actually held my arms like I was cradling a baby to my heart. My arms ached ( very common when people lose children, miscarriages, stillborn) my Panic Attacks surfaced two months later, that is how relentless grief or stress effect me. I say through experience, we all need to support you in finding some happiness. Be Well !

Thanks Judie, and for your PM. I have just got to the point where my new boss has made me put work into focus so that it is the be all and end all and nothing else matters. So this week decided that home, son, new meditation groups and new support group I am starting up this week would be my focus instead. So thought my boss had done me a favour. But since Friday night argued all weekend with my husband with my nasty temper and realised that new boss is putting so much pressure on me at work this week, that I can't stand even a small amount of pressure or arguement at home now. Took two days of diazepam on Saturday and know this time I could have continued but I thought it was enough I was so tired. No sympathy or done any good because husband thinks I am playing games, not really doing it, but I know that each time I take the tablets I am taking more and could easily go on taking them. I ended up just sleeping for four hours yesterday so it did look like I hadn't meant it, I should have not taken any or taken loads more. My head is full of pressure and has been for 2.5 years,but at least my old boss made work feel possible and safe. Now it feels like I am on probation and not sure new boss even wants me to succeed. Husband so fed up with it all after this time no sympathy left even when do something stupid. So yes, know it is only until menopause ends, or gynae balances my hormones so anti depressants and diazepam work, but it is the pressure in my head which builds up to exploding point which I just can't handle.

[scared44]

Thanks Judie, and for your PM. I have just got to the point where my new boss has made me put work into focus so that it is the be all and end all and nothing else matters. So this week decided that home, son, new meditation groups and new support group I am starting up this week would be my focus instead. So thought my boss had done me a favour. But since Friday night argued all weekend with my husband with my nasty temper and realised that new boss is putting so much pressure on me at work this week, that I can't stand even a small amount of pressure or arguement at home now. Took two days of diazepam on Saturday and know this time I could have continued but I thought it was enough I was so tired. No sympathy or done any good because husband thinks I am playing games, not really doing it, but I know that each time I take the tablets I am taking more and could easily go on taking them. I ended up just sleeping for four hours yesterday so it did look like I hadn't meant it, I should have not taken any or taken loads more. My head is full of pressure and has been for 2.5 years,but at least my old boss made work feel possible and safe. Now it feels like I am on probation and not sure new boss even wants me to succeed. Husband so fed up with it all after this time no sympathy left even when do something stupid. So yes, know it is only until menopause ends, or gynae balances my hormones so anti depressants and diazepam work, but it is the pressure in my head which builds up to exploding point which I just can't handle.

I feel for you Lin as I also suffer with lack of hormones (imbalance) due to having a full hysterectomy wgen I was 27yrs and am now 45yrs. I get terrible depression, anxiety ect due to this! It's like living a nightmare being hormonal :-( your not alone xx

[Lin]

I feel for you Lin as I also suffer with lack of hormones (imbalance) due to having a full hysterectomy wgen I was 27yrs and am now 45yrs. I get terrible depression, anxiety ect due to this! It's like living a nightmare being hormonal :-( your not alone xx

Thanks scared44 good to know not on my own.

Messed up with a new friend yesterday. I should have known she had too much trouble in her head to have mine put on hers too. Now she texted last ngiht bye, and won't respond, so don't know if she is OK or not. Worried I tipped her over edge because she thought she had not helped me yesterday, but she had. I was too honest with her and should have realised I was too honest for her to handle at the moment. Now worried and can't get even a text from her to say she is OK and just voicemail on her phone.

Been worried all night. Now lost a new friend and don't know how far she has gone - whether she meant she couldn't talk to me in future - or bye to everyone because in text she said she had no-one to help her not even Crisis number could help her. I had been asleep and saw her text too much.

What if I have pushed her over the edge?! I have always been careful with friends, why did I not realise yesterday I could not be honest with her and why did I not realise she was in trouble yesterday too.

Just useless even more now - pushed a new friend away - and just no good for anyone with this pressure in my head. I hate myself and everything in my life and just want peace. Can't even take enough tablets for peace, tried and stopped too early, thought I felt so tired that had done enough but hadn't just slept for four hours and woke with a head ache.

Just useless and can't put up with this pressure in my head.

[mid]

There are moments when we feel like we've pushed someone else too far, when we actually have pushed ourselves too far, and it takes the pressure from one place to another and adds our heart into the mix. When we feel honesty, the difference between honesty and honorable is often a very fine line to walk. Once I accepted that my "too honest" was often the verbal response by others when differences were discussed, I started asking myself before I send a text, email, or respond to a question whether it was honorable. I'm learning, the more I pause before I speak in any way, shape, or form, the better the results are all the way around.
I use my journal to speak as honestly as I need to, it does not judge, nor does it add emotion, and by using it to work through the changes in my perspective, I'm able to make changes, that sometimes make things worse, however, it changes the way I view the situation, and I'm slowly healing.
We are valuable just the way we are, and we are changing the way we react, to improve our well-being, and in doing so, it will change the way others react, simply because their usual response will no longer fit.
Hope you feel better.

[Judie]

Lin, Yes Menopause or Perimenopause is horrific. I don't remember our mothers suffering like this. Most feel it is because of the added hormones in chicken and beef ( causing all sorts of problems with girls starting their periods to young etc. ). I don't know, it certainly is a battle but my recommendation to you is to put your husband, son, family first. At the end of the day work is just work, family and good positive friends are what you need. When your hormones are flying on one needs any added mind games or stress inducers. My head would always feel like that during Perimenopause and menopause, very tough. I felt horrible. But it is transient and will settle down, you really need to focus on that and remember no job in this world is worth your family or your life.My concern is that you took the two days of diazepam, that's a pretty loud cry for help given that our systems tolerate drugs differently day to day, what won't kill you on a Wednesday, just may cross the line and kill you on a Thursday. Marilyn Monroe by all accounts didn't actually want to kill herself, she did it by accident. Do you have a hotline or therapist that you can call when you are that close to the edge ? When someone gets that depressed they are in a black hole and even though there are people all around that hole reaching , extending a hand to try to pull them out, the sufferer just doesn't see that and more importantly doesn't feel that. Depression goes hand and hand with both anxiety and low self esteem. At this time we don't love ourselves and in fact we are beyond annoyed with ourselves. This is when it is critical that we step away from ourselves and be the kind empathetic observer. You need to look at the logic, it isn't you that has caused this, your husband loves you, he stays, some may not. Your son ? Well a son's love for his mother is immeasurable, he will someday choose a wife based on the qualities he loves in you. You have countless people that cross this Forum daily that support you..But most importantly you need to love you. Everyday count a blessing in your life and then count a blessing in another's life because you are here on this Planet. Know that every time you stand up to your fears and depression you have wrapped your arms around yourself ( self hugs ) and you will conquer this but you do need your " self "on your side. You need to surround yourself with some of your favorite things!

[Lin]

Lin, Yes Menopause or Perimenopause is horrific. I don't remember our mothers suffering like this. Most feel it is because of the added hormones in chicken and beef ( causing all sorts of problems with girls starting their periods to young etc. ). I don't know, it certainly is a battle but my recommendation to you is to put your husband, son, family first. At the end of the day work is just work, family and good positive friends are what you need. When your hormones are flying on one needs any added mind games or stress inducers. My head would always feel like that during Perimenopause and menopause, very tough. I felt horrible. But it is transient and will settle down, you really need to focus on that and remember no job in this world is worth your family or your life.My concern is that you took the two days of diazepam, that's a pretty loud cry for help given that our systems tolerate drugs differently day to day, what won't kill you on a Wednesday, just may cross the line and kill you on a Thursday. Marilyn Monroe by all accounts didn't actually want to kill herself, she did it by accident. Do you have a hotline or therapist that you can call when you are that close to the edge ? When someone gets that depressed they are in a black hole and even though there are people all around that hole reaching , extending a hand to try to pull them out, the sufferer just doesn't see that and more importantly doesn't feel that. Depression goes hand and hand with both anxiety and low self esteem. At this time we don't love ourselves and in fact we are beyond annoyed with ourselves. This is when it is critical that we step away from ourselves and be the kind empathetic observer. You need to look at the logic, it isn't you that has caused this, your husband loves you, he stays, some may not. Your son ? Well a son's love for his mother is immeasurable, he will someday choose a wife based on the qualities he loves in you. You have countless people that cross this Forum daily that support you..But most importantly you need to love you. Everyday count a blessing in your life and then count a blessing in another's life because you are here on this Planet. Know that every time you stand up to your fears and depression you have wrapped your arms around yourself ( self hugs ) and you will conquer this but you do need your " self "on your side. You need to surround yourself with some of your favorite things!



Thanks Judie. usually i do ring crisis line and stop myself but this time just had to do it. I even went and searched for my tablets which my husband keeps hidden.
i took twice as many as last time and if i hadn't felt so tired i think i would have carried on this time - head felt more like carrying on than ever before.
I thought i had handled work this first week back, and the extra pressure put on my head by new boss not welcoming me back with open arms but with warnings of redeployment if show signs of mental illness and not calm at all times. also thought she had made me realise work not important but home etc was - but as soon as got home on friday night the pressure continued and i had not left it at work or got over what she had said to me. so everything husband said built up the pressure to boiling point.

determined new boss is not going to win and i will, but it is taking its toll on my head at moment.

i have texted mental health nurse so he knows had bad weekend so will know if need his support this week. Also seeing him on friday so he will know already need help.

only 4 days at work to get through this week - got friday off to go on a retreat on conscious ageing. husband coming for first time too and hope away from all pressures it will do us good as couple and take pressure off my head for 4 days. after knee operations, and fall down concrete step yesterday straight on to my knees, i will not be able to walk lots so husband can go down to beach with camera and i can have some head rest sat in the lovely lounge looking at the sea.

So got break to look forward to, and come back to another 4 day work week and boss off some of that week so pressure at work should be less.

so know head bad at moment and know new boss reason for it and what said to me but determined to not give in until i want to not because of her or illness.

in a year or so hoping menopause will be over and don't want to regret giving up job then, but way going will have done because new boss will have pushed me!

[Lin]

There are moments when we feel like we've pushed someone else too far, when we actually have pushed ourselves too far, and it takes the pressure from one place to another and adds our heart into the mix. When we feel honesty, the difference between honesty and honorable is often a very fine line to walk. Once I accepted that my "too honest" was often the verbal response by others when differences were discussed, I started asking myself before I send a text, email, or respond to a question whether it was honorable. I'm learning, the more I pause before I speak in any way, shape, or form, the better the results are all the way around.
I use my journal to speak as honestly as I need to, it does not judge, nor does it add emotion, and by using it to work through the changes in my perspective, I'm able to make changes, that sometimes make things worse, however, it changes the way I view the situation, and I'm slowly healing.
We are valuable just the way we are, and we are changing the way we react, to improve our well-being, and in doing so, it will change the way others react, simply because their usual response will no longer fit.
Hope you feel better.

i usually use mood diary to get real feelings out of my head but stopped this week whilst back at work so perhaps that is why told a friend too much when usually know when to stop. I will go back to mood diary this week and see if helps again - thank you had not thought that might not have helped this week.

[scared44]

Lin, Yes Menopause or Perimenopause is horrific. I don't remember our mothers suffering like this. Most feel it is because of the added hormones in chicken and beef ( causing all sorts of problems with girls starting their periods to young etc. ). I don't know, it certainly is a battle but my recommendation to you is to put your husband, son, family first. At the end of the day work is just work, family and good positive friends are what you need. When your hormones are flying on one needs any added mind games or stress inducers. My head would always feel like that during Perimenopause and menopause, very tough. I felt horrible. But it is transient and will settle down, you really need to focus on that and remember no job in this world is worth your family or your life.My concern is that you took the two days of diazepam, that's a pretty loud cry for help given that our systems tolerate drugs differently day to day, what won't kill you on a Wednesday, just may cross the line and kill you on a Thursday. Marilyn Monroe by all accounts didn't actually want to kill herself, she did it by accident. Do you have a hotline or therapist that you can call when you are that close to the edge ? When someone gets that depressed they are in a black hole and even though there are people all around that hole reaching , extending a hand to try to pull them out, the sufferer just doesn't see that and more importantly doesn't feel that. Depression goes hand and hand with both anxiety and low self esteem. At this time we don't love ourselves and in fact we are beyond annoyed with ourselves. This is when it is critical that we step away from ourselves and be the kind empathetic observer. You need to look at the logic, it isn't you that has caused this, your husband loves you, he stays, some may not. Your son ? Well a son's love for his mother is immeasurable, he will someday choose a wife based on the qualities he loves in you. You have countless people that cross this Forum daily that support you..But most importantly you need to love you. Everyday count a blessing in your life and then count a blessing in another's life because you are here on this Planet. Know that every time you stand up to your fears and depression you have wrapped your arms around yourself ( self hugs ) and you will conquer this but you do need your " self "on your side. You need to surround yourself with some of your favorite things!

Very well said Judie!

[ally]

Hi how are you feeling today? Your post is like it was written by me! I have that awful morning feeling too and have little relief of the anxiety and depression until like you said the evening! it's horrific, I did think I was slightly improving in my mood etc but today it's back to how it's been for months:( I feel so sad and low, as I'm trying to write this I'm so shaky and have terrible palpitations, I'm worrying now that the quitapine I'm now on alongside the escitalopram isn't working and I keep needing to increase it? I'm on 75mg at the mo and 20 mg of escitalopram, trying really hard to come off the Valium but I'm struggling to not take one this morning? my life is on hold and it's a real struggle:( x

[scared44]

Hi how are you feeling today? Your post is like it was written by me! I have that awful morning feeling too and have little relief of the anxiety and depression until like you said the evening! it's horrific, I did think I was slightly improving in my mood etc but today it's back to how it's been for months:( I feel so sad and low, as I'm trying to write this I'm so shaky and have terrible palpitations, I'm worrying now that the quitapine I'm now on alongside the escitalopram isn't working and I keep needing to increase it? I'm on 75mg at the mo and 20 mg of escitalopram, trying really hard to come off the Valium but I'm struggling to not take one this morning? my life is on hold and it's a real struggle:( x

Hi Ally hope your well! Just read your post and see that your taking seroquel(quitapine) one of the most common side effects are racing heart, palps ect! I tried it last year and had to stop because of the affects on my heart. May be you need to try another medication... Just a thought. Anyway hope you get the help and support you need. Take care :-) xx

[ally]

Hi I'm not too good:( I've had to increase the quetiapine to 100 mg as of last night, last couple of days I've been really bad again after thinking I was turning a small corner, my anxiety is as bad as ever and the nausea too, terrible palpitations and just feel really shaky:( i feel really drowsy this morning but too agitated to sleep it off? I'd tried to stop the diazepram but now been told I may have tried too soon and should have done it more gradually, I just hate the thought of being do dependent on it:( have had such conflicting advice too, my thoughts are spiralling again and probably making me worse but I struggle to stop, I wish I could really improve and carry on improving I feel so lonely.

[MEGO]

It's really hard to put that feeling in to words, but everything you described is how i used to feel daily. I am now on effexor and do not feel this way everyday. It comes and goes but not nearly as bad as before. I do hope to change my meds soon or find some way to help with my anxiety and the stupid side effect of having no interest in men.
I hope that you can talk to your doctor and start treatment soon as it will help a great amount. Even with the side effects, its so much better than having that feeling in your stomach and truly wanting to end it.

[MEGO]

Ally, please dont feel alone. There are many people on here that are here to help. I can't make it stop for you, but perhaps you should try doing something relaxing that will hopefully take your mind off of things. Don't worry about becoming dependent on your medications, if they help you get through the day then its well worth it. Keep your head up, things will get better.

[ally]

Thank you, I'm just so scared, I m so exhausted too and feel so doped up its horrible, along side all this nausea and agitation, it's here again first thing and I dread the day ahead now:( I just can't enjoy things or play with my 2 year old, I feel so guilty, is this the illness or the medications, I have had such conflicting advise, I hate being me, and it's affecting my kids and husband, we have little support and i have no other family help:(