mander16
04-15-2013, 07:36 AM
I never really considered myself to be an anxious person, but when it came down to feeling depressed or down, I often did at times in my past got that way. I spent most of my life struggling to be independant and doing things on my own, such as living alone in my own apartment, struggling to pay bills etc and past relationships have been a little chaotic, all I ever wanted was simple and someone I could be compatible with. Needless to say since Sept 2012 I have been seeing the worlds most amazing guy, hes simple has a head on his shoulders, career driven, and everything I hands down have ever wanted! Since September I have felt like I have been on cloud 9 and its just been so amazing that there was talk about moving in together. I was natrually apprehensive, but more excited then anything because I truly found him, that guy I have been waiting for!!! I stopped going to my apartment so much and started going to his house and I found that we were slowly but surely moving my stuff in and we set a date for June 1st to give up my place. About three weeks ago he mentioned about going over and packing a few boxes and I freaked out, got super spooked, and I felt like i was going to throw up. I lost sleep that night and just figured that I wasnt ready to move forward with him, nor give up my apartment so I told him that. It has been three weeks and I am not anywhere near better. I am now so depressed because of it all, I realize even before the intial episode I had I wasnt doing things that mattered to me anymore, like going to the gym and hanging out with friends and playing guitar, I used to love doing these things, but I couldnt wait to get home to my boyfriend. I have a job that doesnt have a large work load so I spend most of my time thinking all day. And I do believe this is what brought this all on, but its been 3 weeks!!!! I can barley eat, and whatever I eat or drink goes right through me, I throw up most of the time even having a thought about my boyfriend cause its spooked me so much. There are times I absolutley love him and i am head over heels, and times I now want nothing to do with him. I get anxious when I am not around him, and then I see him and I am okay. Some times when I am around him I get anxious as well and I feel nausous and I try to control my thoughts and think of happy times him and I had together. I moved all my stuff out of the house trying to distant myself from him to see if the feeling and anxiety would go away and it hasnt! At times I feel comfortable in my apartment, and times now I dont, and its the same with his house. Some times all I want to do is be around him, and other times it petrifies me to even think about him cooking me dinner. I have moments of clarity when I feel normal and happy and I know hes what I want and I really do love him, Id be far worse without him, I would loose my mind. But all these negitive thoughts have me thinking at times "is this what i want" "do i really love him anymore" and im just so confused!!! I have spoken to him about it and have been as honest as I can and hes so understanding, but its really effecting our relationship and I know I have been checked out for far too long, and I do love him I just want to go back to how happy we were about a month ago, I wish this feeling and anxiety would stop, its effecting me personally and him as well, and I am now at the point that I am so depressed leaving bed is the hardest thing to do. I apologize for how long this is, but has anyone had anxiety over a spouse and has found the miracle cure of getting over this!?