laurandisorder
03-30-2013, 11:09 PM
Just want to record the details of my most recent panic attack - as in the one that I am experiencing right now...
I have just gotten a new puppy. My partner and I have been enjoying watching him settle in to our already animal filled household and learn and grow. He's just adorable - I love him to bits already.
I went outside to take the pup out with my partner and my other dog and I started to feel the anxiety building. I have been sleeping poorly because of the puppy - I'm waking up in the middle of the night to take him out and I have to get up early to take him out too. This morning i was up at 5am because our big dog woke the puppy up! I think I may have over done the caffeine today too. I'm very dependent on caffeine, even though I know it is doing me harm. Two nespressos and a large McCafe is too mich for me to metabolise. I think I'll switch to tea for a while after today.
Anyway, I started to feel shaky and hyper sensitive to light and just off in general. I went back inside to get a bottle of water and to take half a Valium (2.5mg) - usually enough to sort me out. I had a cigarette and did some butyenko (sp?) breathing to get myself back to normal. I thought it worked and decided to have a shower. All of this puppy-care has had an impact on my daily routine!
I thought I was doing ok until I got into the shower and all hell broke lose - or so it seemed. I could barely stand and I felt like the walls were closing in on me. I tried to wash my hair and I just couldn't do it. I turned off the taps and practically ran out of there!! I took another 5mg Valium and did some breathing with a paper bag - this doesn't work for everyone, but it helps me a lot.
The attack came on so quickly and with such intensity that I thought I would have to go to the ER semi naked and with wet, but unwashed hair - nice. I haven't had an attack this bad including one from any of my typical stimulus (theatre settings, driving, in almost a year. Full range of my typical symptoms, struggling to breathe, 100% hyperventilating, shaking uncontrollably, numb hands and feet, dizziness, weird taste in my mouth and the fear. The overwhelming, relentless fear. It was a doozy!
I'm feeling a lot more calm now, but still having residual symptoms. Tingly hands and feet, shaking all over. I'm trying to analyze where this came from. I'm going away on camp next week - Wednesday and I don't want to leave my family and my new puppy baby :( I guess I am also super nervous about having an anxiety attack on camp. My facade will be blown in front of colleagues and students. That would be my worse case scenario. I'm half way looking forward to it (kayaking, lovely students, no picking up puppy poop for three days!), but half dreading it at the same time.
I guess I just have to deal and move on and try not to let anticipatory anxiety step in at this point.
I am not going to let this get to me. It's a small set back, not a relapse. One thing I do want to discuss with my doctor is the option of beta blockers. I don't know how they will go with my current meds; Edronax (Reboxetine mesilate) and Valium as needed. The thing is that my anxiety symptoms are almost omnipresent. I have always been a worrier and get easily stressed. My heart rate is always through the roof (between 110-140) even though I run and am in the low/normal weight range. I don't know what else to try.
I have done the CBT thing and have tried everything my doctors (psychiatrist, psychologist, GP) have suggested with utmost compliance; medication, mindfulness therapy, the 'bring it on' technique. I also have the option of trying group therapy through a not for profit organisation, which I am considering although I don't know how well I would do in that situation. .
It just sucks because when I feel like I am finally getting somewhere, I get smacked back down. It's so frustrating! But I guess that is the nature of the beast. It's just a beast I want to tame, not one that tries to rule me.
Thoughts: I am dying of panic and freaking out badly right now. I don't want to leave my new puppy (what if he forgets me!?), my partner or my other pets or embarrass myself on camp in front of the kids and other staff.
Errors: Assuming the worst. Overwhelming negative thinking. Not letting common sense override the fear. Black and white thinking.
Analysis: I will not or ever die from panic. It can be overcome easily. I have done it before and I will do it again. I will probably have a great time away and will bond with the kids and other staff. My puppy won't forget me, after all absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Congratulations if you got through all of this. It is really for my own records. I have lost my TEA book somewhere!'
I have just gotten a new puppy. My partner and I have been enjoying watching him settle in to our already animal filled household and learn and grow. He's just adorable - I love him to bits already.
I went outside to take the pup out with my partner and my other dog and I started to feel the anxiety building. I have been sleeping poorly because of the puppy - I'm waking up in the middle of the night to take him out and I have to get up early to take him out too. This morning i was up at 5am because our big dog woke the puppy up! I think I may have over done the caffeine today too. I'm very dependent on caffeine, even though I know it is doing me harm. Two nespressos and a large McCafe is too mich for me to metabolise. I think I'll switch to tea for a while after today.
Anyway, I started to feel shaky and hyper sensitive to light and just off in general. I went back inside to get a bottle of water and to take half a Valium (2.5mg) - usually enough to sort me out. I had a cigarette and did some butyenko (sp?) breathing to get myself back to normal. I thought it worked and decided to have a shower. All of this puppy-care has had an impact on my daily routine!
I thought I was doing ok until I got into the shower and all hell broke lose - or so it seemed. I could barely stand and I felt like the walls were closing in on me. I tried to wash my hair and I just couldn't do it. I turned off the taps and practically ran out of there!! I took another 5mg Valium and did some breathing with a paper bag - this doesn't work for everyone, but it helps me a lot.
The attack came on so quickly and with such intensity that I thought I would have to go to the ER semi naked and with wet, but unwashed hair - nice. I haven't had an attack this bad including one from any of my typical stimulus (theatre settings, driving, in almost a year. Full range of my typical symptoms, struggling to breathe, 100% hyperventilating, shaking uncontrollably, numb hands and feet, dizziness, weird taste in my mouth and the fear. The overwhelming, relentless fear. It was a doozy!
I'm feeling a lot more calm now, but still having residual symptoms. Tingly hands and feet, shaking all over. I'm trying to analyze where this came from. I'm going away on camp next week - Wednesday and I don't want to leave my family and my new puppy baby :( I guess I am also super nervous about having an anxiety attack on camp. My facade will be blown in front of colleagues and students. That would be my worse case scenario. I'm half way looking forward to it (kayaking, lovely students, no picking up puppy poop for three days!), but half dreading it at the same time.
I guess I just have to deal and move on and try not to let anticipatory anxiety step in at this point.
I am not going to let this get to me. It's a small set back, not a relapse. One thing I do want to discuss with my doctor is the option of beta blockers. I don't know how they will go with my current meds; Edronax (Reboxetine mesilate) and Valium as needed. The thing is that my anxiety symptoms are almost omnipresent. I have always been a worrier and get easily stressed. My heart rate is always through the roof (between 110-140) even though I run and am in the low/normal weight range. I don't know what else to try.
I have done the CBT thing and have tried everything my doctors (psychiatrist, psychologist, GP) have suggested with utmost compliance; medication, mindfulness therapy, the 'bring it on' technique. I also have the option of trying group therapy through a not for profit organisation, which I am considering although I don't know how well I would do in that situation. .
It just sucks because when I feel like I am finally getting somewhere, I get smacked back down. It's so frustrating! But I guess that is the nature of the beast. It's just a beast I want to tame, not one that tries to rule me.
Thoughts: I am dying of panic and freaking out badly right now. I don't want to leave my new puppy (what if he forgets me!?), my partner or my other pets or embarrass myself on camp in front of the kids and other staff.
Errors: Assuming the worst. Overwhelming negative thinking. Not letting common sense override the fear. Black and white thinking.
Analysis: I will not or ever die from panic. It can be overcome easily. I have done it before and I will do it again. I will probably have a great time away and will bond with the kids and other staff. My puppy won't forget me, after all absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Congratulations if you got through all of this. It is really for my own records. I have lost my TEA book somewhere!'