Insight

[defmunel]

I've learned one thing...not to stop cbt just because I think I'm doing better. I still need it. So that's why I'm going back to therapy tomorrow. Secondly, I've learned a lot spiritually which has helped.

One thing I'd like to ask or say.... For me, it's hard to be positive about my health. I feel like if I'm positive, and say, "oh I'm fine!!!" that I'm living in ignorance. Like I'm fool proof. Which isn't the case for anyone! So how do you stay positive?

On another note...I took my son to a jump house today. As I was signing him in, my therapist walked in with his son. It was an awkward moment. Given the fact that he knows everything about me, and we can't really talk about that stuff in the real world. Lol. We just smiled at each other, said hello, and stayed distant the rest of the time. Lol!

[alankay]

To think you're well is not ignorant. It's real. Truth is you are probably just as healthy as you could be physically. You may be anxious or bummed on any given day and fear you're jinxing yourself but that's not the case. If you feel well, you probably are well.....end of story...... so enjoy it and be thankful for it! Of course you felt awkward when seeing the therapist. It's out of context with your relationship(in her office) so no worries, she understands and is cool with it all for sure. Alankay

[defmunel]

Alankay, forwells, thank you for your replies. Yesterday afternoon I felt fantastic. No thoughts caused anxiety. I could see them as words on the stage of my mind. I could see them as actors playing a part, taking a bow, and exiting. I felt fantastic. I felt the real world.

I woke this morning to a different tune. Im not sure if it's because for the last 6 days I've woken with high anxiety and heart palps..so my body is staying true to form. I keep reminding myself what I felt yesterday. I'm doing my best to follow that reminder.

I go to cbt today, and I'm excited about it. I'll never let this much time pass between sessions again.

As far as my comment of living in ignorance... When I'm anxious, it's really hard to know what's real or what's made up. When I'm anxious, I see me bring ignorant for saying I'm ok, because something could be terribly wrong. For instance, my left arm/hand has had this tingling, burning feeling and a tight throat for 5 days. Do I keep telling myself it's anxiety? When do I say, I should really get this checked out. Part of me says anxiety, and the other part says cancer. Who am I to believe?